Not So Social, Social Groups

After the incident at the Skeptics Group, I found myself re-evaluating what the Hell these meet-up social groups are really about, and who are they for?

They cater for an idea of what constitutes a social gathering, that is true, but its not really my idea of what that should be.

I have, I think, been kidding myself by seeing these meet-up groups as the best way of locating new friends. These groups are sold as meetings to find friendship, so, it is this marketing that has deluded me.

I now see that this meet-up group set up, is akin to picking up a man/woman in a bar, and then expecting to get married and live happily ever after with them! These meet-up groups offer no real, connected or longevity relationship; nothing substantial can come from this setting. It is empty, self serving, shallow and based on no form of real identity or trust.

I am not looking for a sexual partner, don’t get my words twisted, I am looking for a friend or friends. These are what such meet-up groups are supposed to be about; friendship connections, fun and interesting people, yet, they aren’t. Why aren’t they?!

It is a BIG FAT CON!

So far there have been empty promises, cancelations, being used for english language practice, men and women trying their luck, bitchiness, arrogance, self importance and ‘intellectualism’ (but really it has been delusions of grandeur)!

Put people together in such phoney settings and see the worst surface in them.

Are there genuine, and decent people existing in cities such as Madrid? Or, are they all too wrapped up in themselves, and their lives to allow potential decent folk into their little bubbles? Are they afraid of change, of something new, of a challenge?

I never felt it was hard to make friends before, OK, not all of those I have been friends with remain my friends, but at least I had friends! Here, in Madrid, it seems an up-hill struggle.

I feel as though I am having to make all the effort to connect, and it peeves me! I think I have eventually met a potential friend, and then it begins, the same old; ‘I can’t do that’, ‘have to cancel that’, ‘sorry but,’, blah, blah, blah!

Perhaps it is me? Perhaps I come across as weird or something? Perhaps being talkative, listening, being friendly and polite is weird? Perhaps I should try being rude, aloof and obnoxious? Perhaps next time someone says, let’s arrange to go for coffee, I should reply, if you want a coffee with me then you get in touch with me first and then we shall see.

I wonder if they would get in touch, but I won’t wonder for long! The answer is going to be that 99.9% of people won’t bother to get in touch!

This makes me doubly peeved; if I was looking for no strings sex here in Madrid, I’d have no issue, sex is everywhere. Yet, finding decent friendships is like asking for the sun and the moon on a gold platter! I really don’t get it; empty and meaningless sexual encounters holds more place in people’s lives than decent, fulfilling, longevity and substantial friendships!

Friendships are important, they can encourage, improve and stabilise mental, and spiritual well-being.

It is really quite sad when you think about what this ‘sex culture’ has to say about people, and their priorities.

Oh Dear, I’m In Trouble.

Just want to follow up on my last post.

What can I say, sorry perhaps for concerning and worrying family members who read it, and thought it pertained to my current relationship with my boyfriend.

It didn’t.

I don’t want to excuse my writing the post though, as it is my blog and it is where I commit feelings, thoughts, concerns, ideas and so on and so on. Also, I often include generic scenarios, and ‘Devil Advocate’ posts too. Not everything I write is personal or indeed about one person I know or about my family, friends or boyfriend.

I would never write about anything as personal on my blog anyway! Reason being, well, people do get the wrong end of the stick, that is natural!

The reason for writing my last post, was merely for it to be read, and to receive comments. Also it was a chance for me to perhaps clear some long languishing emotional cobwebs. As those who read regularly know I am on a mission to change, and also progress. I write every post as a kind of therapy, for me, and not necessarily for the reader to like or even identify with. Writing is after all a personal pursuit.

I feel a little upset that the post was interpreted wrongly, as this could have caused me some trouble, and upset. Yet, I hope this explanation will clarify, what my previous post did not.

The post wasn’t intended to discuss one person, but things that have occurred to me or been said to me from time to time, in varied situations.

For reference, my boyfriend and I are not perfect, then what couple are?! We do have our share of problems, arguments and general ‘argh’ moments, but after many, many years I deem that quite acceptable.

Thanks all for reading, and hopefully this now makes sense.

Consider Her Ways

Now I LOVE fashion (or style), always have and no doubt, always will. BUT (and this must be a significant ‘but’ for me to begin a sentence with it); I despise the notion that summer fashion equals everything on show for all to see.

Now before people pull me up on being anything but my usual ‘each to their own’, I have NO issue with individuality, freedom to express yourself and your own fashion tastes. All I ask is why can’t people CONSIDER their ways a little more for the sake of others, who, might struggle to retain their lunch upon viewing such things?

I am sick of sun = flesh equation, because this equation has detracted clothes from ladies considerably over recent years. Especially here, in Madrid.

Now I know how warm it becomes here, I am suffering and the temps aren’t even at their highest yet. I am from the UK, we are lucky to see 24 degrees for a summertime! So, perhaps I am allowing myself to feel shocked at what effects the sun can have upon people’s minds, and how it often causes a lack of clothes to occur.

Anyway, I just call for some public ‘decency’. I really don’t care if anyone feels I am being prudish or whatever else, because I don’t see how walking half naked equates to ‘liberation’ or ‘fashion’.

I ask the men out there; would you like to see the bum cheeks, and goodness knows what else, of fellow men as you go about your daily routines? Half naked men everywhere, all the time? It wouldn’t bother me, but then I am a woman!

Women will pass by with their bum cheeks (et al) on show as you eat. Standing on a packed metro train they pass you by with their bottoms rubbing upon you. After they have sweated upon seats you too will have to then sit upon. HYGIENE PLEASE!!

I mean women wear as little as possible, underwear little. I just wonder what is left to take off and expose?

OR, who ARE THEY exposing themselves too??

If their skirts blow up, and they are wearing teeny tiny thongs they often feel embarrassed, or they yank down their short skirts to keep them from exposing whatever. If a man stares at them they return his stare with a glare as though he is the pervert for looking at their nakedness! So, I am confused!

Do women feel they are dressing with everything on show for men, themselves or could it possibly be for the benefit of other women?

Could it be that any human forced into a ‘pack’ reverts back to archaic psychology – ‘top dog’ attitude, the top of the pecking order? Having to prove to their pack that they are THE ALPHA, THE BEST mating partner?

If it is dressing for themselves then, well, what can I do; but it doesn’t stop me becoming nauseous! Having to walk about and bear witness to the bare really makes me feel a little dirty!

Yes, dirty! I can’t explain it, and this is no doubt my psychological issue as much as theirs, but I see this ‘cave woman’ dress as just something I don’t need nor want to do. Also, I don’t want to see other women’s bits and bobs on display, I really don’t ‘feel’ it!

All I know is that I have always been my own person, and if someone can’t appreciate me fully clothed then I am not interested in them. I don’t need to strip to be accepted, included or validated.

Maybe I am beginning a new revolution; keep your clothes on!

If someone says that wearing little clothes is progress I’ll scream – the Victorians had the Whale bone corset, and we have the dinky, teeny, tiny butt cleavage shorts! Think about it – what has changed?

Oh, and for the record I don’t want to be ‘tan-tastic’ either – I love my paler skin tone – thanks!

Two Steps Forward

Two steps forward, and hopefully, this time there will be NO steps back!!!!!!!!!!!

Why, well I have made POSITIVE progress!!! YEH for me (happy face included)!!!!!

I am now a volunteer for a NGO here in Madrid, and I am feeling mightily proud of myself!!!!!! Today was my first day, and I have been busy completing some research for them; which is a task I love doing.

At the moment I am not ready to relate all the gory details of what I am exactly doing, not yet anyway. It is after all early days. Needless to say I have begun positively, and hope to remain that way too; fingers and toes crossed please!!

Since discovering the volunteer options available here in Madrid, I have noticed there has been a subtle change within myself. This little new spark of, positivity perhaps, has made everything seem a little ‘rosier’. OK, the change isn’t so dramatic that I could take on the world, and conquer it single handedly; BUT, I feel I am moving forwards instead of stagnating in that rotten rut. I have, I think and HOPE, taken a sledge hammer to that rut and demolished it!!! Hehe!!

For the next few days though, I will be away. We have booked a short holiday to Valencia, which we are looking forward to!!!

Upon my return, I look forward to recommencing my progress through this exciting new chapter of possibilities in my life!! I also have ‘Madrid Meet Up’ groups to attend, which should be interesting!!!!!!!! Who knows what new wonders will await 🙂

ONE LAST THING – I just want to THANK everyone who has been so kind in providing me with support during my ‘ranting and raving’ and negative moments. I have appreciated each and everyone of your kind wishes, advice and comments left as response to my posts. You are all truly wonderful, and kind people, who I feel privileged to have bumped into within the WordPress blogshere!!!

THANKS TO YOU ALL, and have a wonderful weekend!!!

This Is Frustrating

I found a great little job site for applying for work here in Madrid, yet, the application process SUCKS!!!

I can’t upload my own CV, which far surpasses the useless and limited electronic version the site has for every candidate to use. It is OK if every candidate is Spanish, but I am not, and the jobs being advertised on the site aren’t all for Spanish speakers or Spanish companies!!!

The CV on the site didn’t even have the ‘pull down’ option on there for MY degree, what the Hell!!! It couldn’t get my age correct either!! It also required either NIE (certificate of residency) or passport number – which is highly confidential information to part with, and leave lying around on an online job site, which could be hacked any time, and my complete identity then stolen!! In the UK such personal identification would NEVER be required until the interview stage or, until an actual job offer has been made.

The site also required me to input a Spanish telephone number, which I haven’t got. I don’t want one either!!!! I didn’t see the need to transfer my contract over to a Spanish contract, especially as mobile contracts are expensive here. I use texts more than calls, here, Spanish people use calls more than texts – who the Hell am I gonna call and chat to?? I don’t have an endless contact list!!!

The other down side – everything on the site’s CV was in Spanish. Yet, the jobs I wanted to apply for are not advertised in Spanish, are not for Spanish speakers, but Native English speakers. Therefore, as a non-fluent Spanish speaker – the whole site was a tad frustrating to navigate – and most of it wasn’t applicable to me!!!!

It was a classic catch 22. I need to be in a Spanish working environment to learn more Spanish, and yet getting a job to help me do that – is a nightmare! So, I rely on applying for English speaking only positions to help me get somewhere; but this is no better, as the application process is in Spanish!

Barriers, and then some!!!!!

The etiquette for interviews, and for meting people in a business capacity is completely wrong too! There is no follow up, the only option is; come at this time, this date, to this venue – there is NO, can you make this? Is this OK for you? Let us confirm this 100%. There is NO response to confirm or responses to answer questions – its just – this, that and nothing more. If that is no good for you, well, tough – and DON’T contact us again! How is that conducive for business or organisations to run?? Why can’t they clarify what is required?? Why can’t they communicate and decide what is best for all parties concerned?? How does anything ever get done if there is no negotiation and communication, just orders?!

As a candidate or enquirer about volunteering, info on jobs, organising meetings and so on, you have to do all the chasing too. Without two way communication you are often left hanging with no real answers, clarification or a way to progress. Basically, it is a one time only offer; unless you comply to what they want, when they want it and how they want it, you as a candidate or enquirer are up the creak without a paddle.

No wonder so many people here in Spain are unemployed!!!!!!!

I am at least, seemingly, making headway with volunteering. I am trying once more to arrange a meeting to discuss what I can do, and they can do – and so on and so on. Fingers crossed this will all be done and dusted by next week!!!!! Fingers crossed!!!!

Volunteering To Progress

I am feeling quietly pleased with myself today.

It has taken some time, but I’ve managed to discover some volunteering programmes with opportunities available here in Madrid!!

On first inspection, volunteering options here did seem quite limited; signposting for such things on the internet was not great! Yet, with ample research done, there are a few good groups with lots of links to lots of projects.  I have begun the ball rolling, and am quite excited about hopefully becoming involved with as much of this good work as possible!!!

I had a determined streak in me today – a little ‘this will work’ voice; perhaps it is because it is my Birthday tomorrow?? Surely the rule has to be that there has to be some good luck attached to that, right????

Anyway, I have had a prompt reply from one volunteer group who wanted to meet me ASAP!!! Also, a chance of an interview for teaching English (although, this is where the luck falters – the interviews, and eventual job offers are no where near Madrid, and that is no good for me).

More news, yes there is more!!! I have also joined some social groups – Madrid meet up groups. I was reluctant to do this initially, as I am not the type of person who likes organised social groups (reminds me of Girl Guides – and I was NEVER a Girl Guide)!!!

Yet, if I am honest, and I feel I ought to be honest; I also have noticed I am feeling a tad fearful of meeting people in group situations. This makes me shout, WHAT THE HELL; this would never have been the case back in the UK. For me it is a clear sign that my confidence must have taken a dint somewhere along the line. Anyway, I feel I need to try to make more of an effort to meet new people here in Madrid – to be out of my comfort zone if I have to too.

All I hope is that when the time arrives to meet with these new groups, I don’t make a lame excuse not to go. It is important for me to at least try and cast my networking net further afield!! I suppose I just wait and see how it goes; if it goes anywhere at all!!!!

I think my main hurdle now is keeping positive. I have tried applying for things here in Madrid previously, and joining in new social groups too, yet, regardless of my best effort, nothing has come to fruition. SO, I am hoping THIS TIME, it will be MY TIME TO SHINE.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turn Over A New Leaf

Since my last post ‘A Helping Hand’, I have been trying to reconsider my position or imposition.

I do not propose to dwell upon what I wrote, although I realise it will take time to change what I feel I might be missing within myself or my life. Yet, at the moment I am looking at reassessing myself. I am on a mission of self discovery – I want to relocate exactly what I am all about as a person, to try and redefine me. Since I last checked – I have changed, just as my situation has. This is something I have to accept, come to terms with, work with and not run away from.

So, I took on some advice from those bloggers who responded to my last post (BY THE WAY – THANK YOU!!). I have obtained a copy of ‘What Colour Is Your Parachute’ – which is helping to push me into quantifying myself, to ask myself questions I might be a little afraid of.

I am looking into what ‘meet up’ groups are out there in Madrid for me to get together with people who might be of interest.

Once again I am looking at volunteering positions, and perhaps taking on whatever part time jobs might be available.

I cannot say for certain if any of these things will bring me what I look for or indeed even come to fruition; yet, I will try.

What I do believe is that where I am now, is where I wanted to be. I have gotten exactly what I required, and also, what I needed. I shouldn’t therefore see this as a wasted opportunity – it is a gift of time out from things that injured me. When I am ready to re-engage with whatever I lost or left behind or I buried inside – I will, and not one moment before. I can’t force myself to do, be, or become anything until I am ready, until the time is right. So, I accept what is, I will try to progress and find a direction, BUT, I propose to just enjoy what I have, as that is all there is.

Thank you, sincerely, to the bloggers who responded and provided advice and expressed concern.

I appreciate your input and all you shared with me.

THANK YOU!!!!!!

Are We Calling Time On The Gentlemen?

In a recent interview Dita Von Teese (famous Burlesque Dancer), said she believes that ‘a gentleman is sexy’. Yet, aren’t such old-fashioned standards dead and forgotten by men, carried away by their expectations of a quick and easy one night tryst?! I wonder what qualities a man has to possess to constitute being classed a ‘gentleman’ these days? Hasn’t that ideal shifted and taken quite a severe dent? Even if gentlemen still exist, do women want one? Is there room for such men in today’s society?

I know I have been brought up a little old-fashioned. Instilled with manners, etiquette, principles, scruples and standards; in short I know how to behaviour in polite company, how to conduct myself. I in turn value these things in others, but it doesn’t make me any less forward thinking, liberal or liberated; I am outspoken (I can fight my corner like a tiger if needs be), I am not weak, submissive, dull, stupid, dependent or somehow sub normal. I know that for some women, the very notion of a man holding a door open for her is considered an outrage, a ghastly and degrading act; well, I respect such actions, as I would do the same for anyone myself! That act does not detract anything from my independence as a woman, who has rights. What puts me off is a lack of manners; ‘manners maketh the person’ after all. An example of such bad manners; a group of men who were happy to ogle at me, but then quickly enough barged me off the sidewalk and into the road so they could pass first, as though I was mere trash. Now that ladies is more degrading than a simple act of holding a door open out of mannerly courtesy.

Having manners, showing respect, being courteous and acting with dignity isn’t something to be viewed as suspicious, a clash with women’s rights, nor is it out of touch with modernity. I think it demonstrates the old adage, ‘do unto others as you would have done unto yourself’, at least until given a reason to do the contrary!

Now surely being a gentleman embodies such traits too? Official Oxford Dictionary definition of gentleman; ‘a chivalrous, courteous, or honourable man’, originated from Middle English (in the sense ‘man of noble birth’): in later use the term denoted a man of a good family.  So the term still bears the same qualitative meaning!

Consider momentarily a man who doesn’t demonstrate, dignity, respect, courtesy and manners; what type of lover would he make? These are essential elements in any would be relationship, without them you are just an object, and the man has no concern for you as a person at all. Why then do we so easily compromise on manners? Or gentlemanly qualities? Why do we forgive burly machismo, but abhor a man with kindly manners?

I know I’m not the only woman out there who is despondent with what seems to be the ‘show me your boobs’, drink until we collapse culture of today. When I see such leery and obnoxious men, this is when it is more obvious just how infrequently I get to see the species called gentlemen. This is when we all need to see the gentleman the most; to restore faith in all women, to show that not all men are just sex crazed idiots, who categorize women according to how good their breast look. That there are many men out there who are genuine, do care and that can treat women like human beings, not just objects.

With all things considered I believe there are gentlemen out there in the world, I have seen the proof. They are not the Prince who will whisk you away on a white horse into the sunset, but real men; men who value women, and don’t compromise their manners, courtesy or respect towards other people. Gentlemen are something worth vindicating, valuing and celebrating; a world without them would be a world lacking much-needed class.

Below pic:  Gentlemen, just a thing of the past???

As ever I would like to have your opinions on this topic please.

Leave your comments below, thanks 🙂

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