What? Leaving Again?

Oh dear, off I traipse again – back to the UK.

I am not necessarily as thrilled as I thought I would be. In fact, I am thoroughly mixed up about whether I am happy to be returning or not; these mixed up feelings are nothing new!

I felt initially it was a good thing for me. Time alone, get my head back where it should be, break away from certain ‘stress’ factors. Also, there are still things I have to attend to, things I didn’t manage to fully complete on my last visit. Plus, the summer here has really been taking its toll on me, this year I am SUFFERING!!!!

Yet, I feel a little frustrated by the interruption a return visit to the UK will create.

Today I received an invite to go somewhere from a really good friend here, a good friend that I don’t get to see as often as I’d like to. Going back means I will miss this opportunity, yet again, just like last time I had to return to the UK.

In a way it seems like time out makes everything suffer. Recently there has been lots of new things that I am just beginning to really get involved with, and now I have to leave it all behind for a six week stay in the UK!!!

I begin hitting my stride here in Madrid and BAM!!!!! Back to the UK I have to go.

So, not only are plans to progress being thwarted, but plans with friends too. I can’t live a life, a full and rich life with either foot in two different camps. This year I have spent more time in the UK than actually in Madrid – or at least it feels that way.

I know most people desert the city during August, so there won’t be much to actually miss out on, but I feel somehow I WILL be missing out. The issue is, once I return to Madrid it takes me a bit of time to re-adjust, to really get back into living here again. Being in Madrid is a whole different ball game to being in the UK. The more often I return to the UK, the more I can clearly see the differences between here and there;

AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE DIFFERENCES!!!!!

I also like hiding away from certain B.S that lurks in the UK. Yes, hiding away!!!

I just want to feel fully immersed in this life, this life here in Madrid.

I know I have another year here, well, until December 2014, but so far getting moving and actually accomplishing anything concrete has been a nightmare.

At the moment feeling I am settling and making steps to move forward is crucial for me. For once, which is unusual for me – I am actually valuing staying put, making plans and not flitting from one thing to another. I am enjoying knowing that I have some stability, something to build up upon socially and ‘career’ wise. All this back and forth just seems to undermine that stability!!!!!!!

 

Anyway, I apologise for how dumb this may ‘sound’ upon reading. I feel these issues really are THE most stupid of things to ‘moan’ about. After all, NONE of these ‘issues’ constitute as the end of the world!!!!!!!! I hear you all say – Bex, WHAT THE HELL?! OK, noted and I am currently shaking myself, and ceasing to be so self absorbed!!!!!!!!

 

Volunteering To Progress

I am feeling quietly pleased with myself today.

It has taken some time, but I’ve managed to discover some volunteering programmes with opportunities available here in Madrid!!

On first inspection, volunteering options here did seem quite limited; signposting for such things on the internet was not great! Yet, with ample research done, there are a few good groups with lots of links to lots of projects.  I have begun the ball rolling, and am quite excited about hopefully becoming involved with as much of this good work as possible!!!

I had a determined streak in me today – a little ‘this will work’ voice; perhaps it is because it is my Birthday tomorrow?? Surely the rule has to be that there has to be some good luck attached to that, right????

Anyway, I have had a prompt reply from one volunteer group who wanted to meet me ASAP!!! Also, a chance of an interview for teaching English (although, this is where the luck falters – the interviews, and eventual job offers are no where near Madrid, and that is no good for me).

More news, yes there is more!!! I have also joined some social groups – Madrid meet up groups. I was reluctant to do this initially, as I am not the type of person who likes organised social groups (reminds me of Girl Guides – and I was NEVER a Girl Guide)!!!

Yet, if I am honest, and I feel I ought to be honest; I also have noticed I am feeling a tad fearful of meeting people in group situations. This makes me shout, WHAT THE HELL; this would never have been the case back in the UK. For me it is a clear sign that my confidence must have taken a dint somewhere along the line. Anyway, I feel I need to try to make more of an effort to meet new people here in Madrid – to be out of my comfort zone if I have to too.

All I hope is that when the time arrives to meet with these new groups, I don’t make a lame excuse not to go. It is important for me to at least try and cast my networking net further afield!! I suppose I just wait and see how it goes; if it goes anywhere at all!!!!

I think my main hurdle now is keeping positive. I have tried applying for things here in Madrid previously, and joining in new social groups too, yet, regardless of my best effort, nothing has come to fruition. SO, I am hoping THIS TIME, it will be MY TIME TO SHINE.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turn Over A New Leaf

Since my last post ‘A Helping Hand’, I have been trying to reconsider my position or imposition.

I do not propose to dwell upon what I wrote, although I realise it will take time to change what I feel I might be missing within myself or my life. Yet, at the moment I am looking at reassessing myself. I am on a mission of self discovery – I want to relocate exactly what I am all about as a person, to try and redefine me. Since I last checked – I have changed, just as my situation has. This is something I have to accept, come to terms with, work with and not run away from.

So, I took on some advice from those bloggers who responded to my last post (BY THE WAY – THANK YOU!!). I have obtained a copy of ‘What Colour Is Your Parachute’ – which is helping to push me into quantifying myself, to ask myself questions I might be a little afraid of.

I am looking into what ‘meet up’ groups are out there in Madrid for me to get together with people who might be of interest.

Once again I am looking at volunteering positions, and perhaps taking on whatever part time jobs might be available.

I cannot say for certain if any of these things will bring me what I look for or indeed even come to fruition; yet, I will try.

What I do believe is that where I am now, is where I wanted to be. I have gotten exactly what I required, and also, what I needed. I shouldn’t therefore see this as a wasted opportunity – it is a gift of time out from things that injured me. When I am ready to re-engage with whatever I lost or left behind or I buried inside – I will, and not one moment before. I can’t force myself to do, be, or become anything until I am ready, until the time is right. So, I accept what is, I will try to progress and find a direction, BUT, I propose to just enjoy what I have, as that is all there is.

Thank you, sincerely, to the bloggers who responded and provided advice and expressed concern.

I appreciate your input and all you shared with me.

THANK YOU!!!!!!

Two Pairs Of Eyes

Pic by: http://www.ayurvedalive.in

Walking around often I will catch the eye of a stranger. It is completely normal, an everyday occurrence. The eyes are our first real sense of ourselves, others and our environment or situation. Yet, it always makes me think, ponder these everyday slight, but not quite interactions; perhaps they could even be precious ‘on the brink’ connections.

Sometimes eye contact, and then a smile can spark a conversation from nowhere. You get to have a few moments of connection, and gain a smidgen of trust from people you may never ordinarily converse with.

Travelling back to Madrid this happened to me. I begun talking to one lady in the airport waiting lounge, and another lady 10 minutes before boarding the plane. It is strange, but often this eye contact, that leads to a friendly discourse can be the most enlightening or nicest interaction of your whole day.

WHY??

What is it about our eyes, that can draw another in and spark a connection of friendship or even love??

Just two pairs of eyes can meet across a room, a street or a wide open space.

What does the silent glance mean to each person, who, in one moment have become caught up in each other’s gazes?

Does it signify the owners of those eyes are sharing the same emotion, at the same moment, with the aid of some unseen force guiding them to one another for whatever reason?

Does it even involve emotion, or is this something more deep seated and innate? A strange unspoken connection perhaps or is it merely an empty, and cold stare meant for lust or as a passing ‘who is that’ glance.

Why do we emphasise and connect to the eyes; to make friends, to be friendly, for desire, to covet? Is it more than merely some ancient mechanism of evolution and survival?

What is it about the eyes that tells us so much, and yet doesn’t even speak a word?

In one glance sometimes there is a host of wonder to behold, and yet unless you look up, you will never see what is there to be seen within a strangers eyes.

A Blogging Interlude

But I’ll be back!!!!!!!!!

Hello you wonderful people out there in bloggers-sphere!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to inform you all, taking for granted you will be interested; I shall be taking a little break from being
‘The Savvy Senorita’ for roughly one week.

Reason, well, I am going away and won’t be able to rely on a constant internet connection. So, I figure what is the point in stressing my-self, trying to keep up with posting when it will be difficult to do so.

ALSO………………!!!!

I am re-considering my blog, well, the direction of it, and the material I include. At the moment I seem to infuse my blog with plenty of ‘political’ scribblings, but I have taken to wondering recently if this alone is enough??????????

I enjoy my politics, but wonder if this says all there is to say about little old me. I don’t want to become ‘stuck in a rut’ after all!!

The break away may provide me some time to clarify my position, or draw up my battle lines! Either way I hope to return ‘enlightened’ (yes I jest)!

If any of you little stars out there have anything you can offer to help me solve this quandary regarding my blog direction, well, I would be oh so appreciative if you share with me your wisdom!

Thanks, and speak soon.

Over and out,

Bex 🙂

The True Wheel Of Fortune?

I remember learning about this whilst studying Sociology; the whole premise blew me away as it suddenly explain a Hell of a lot of things for me!

People’s actions and reactions are never so clear cut! Think; ‘All in all your just another brick in the wall’.

Can you recall a time in your life when you have been a recipient of this faulty logic? I know I can.