A Test (part 2)

I wouldn’t try to convince anyone the world is an ugly  place – it isn’t the world merely most of the people in it. Either way it’s not for me to convince anyone of either of those things. I would however like it if more often those people selling ‘think positively’, ‘self-help’, ‘self-development’ and ‘life is marvellous’ would be told to stop trying to convince, and brow beat us all into their world view. Alas it seems we prefer a rose tinted life view rather than reality.

I will be honest; often I require a sick bucket whenever I read that type of rose tinted twaddle, as it is so far from the mark for most people.

What I believe, and think about life is merely the alternative side. It is what people do forget about; the real life story. I am neither a positive nor a negative person; I am just being real and I am not succumbing to a notion of selling a fantasy cure all. I do dislike people who perpetually sell life as a bowl of peaches and cream (in that I won’t lie); the reality is that FOR MOST PEOPLE LIFE ISN’T AND WON’T BE PEACHES AND CREAM. Recognising that and representing a real world alternative actually is a balanced and helpful method.

Why must we all always pretend EVERYTHING is marvellous, and disparage those who state otherwise? 

As there will be people, more than less, who wish to see that their life and their feelings about it aren’t as amiss or as fundamentally wrong as most of the ‘positive’ and ‘all is wonderful’ camps state that it is. I feel I can state that life does suck – if not always, mostly; reassuring people out there that they are not alone in thinking this thought.

The fact people remain hopeful, and also keep moving on regardless of the bad is a great thing. I certainly wouldn’t wish for it to be any other way, as I wouldn’t want to see anyone flounder. I ONLY WISH THE BEST FOR EVERYONE; if only that was true of everyone else I have encountered in my life.

Yet does wishing the best also include selling a lie? 

My motivations for stating my views regarding life being quite rubbish for most people is not based upon a sour, miserable or jealous outlook either. I AM NOT NOR EVER HAVE BEEN A JEALOUS PERSON, that is not who I am and that is not my reasoning for thinking or believing what I do. I merely want to convey and establish the state of reality experienced in most people’s lives, and the limitations they face and can’t often change.

Knowing life isn’t peaches and cream doesn’t make me revel in amusement, but I have come to find myself ambivalent. I do admit that perhaps my high expectations for myself, and for others to be kind, genuine and respectful has no doubt affected my view. Perhaps I have expected too much from people, and from life in general. Yet, others have high expectations of achieving material gains, commercial and fame based successes and so on and so on; which for me are high enough to be more often than not unreal and unobtainable. Nevertheless these things are also reinforced as obtainable, normal and desirable by positive thinkers.

So I suppose with this carpe diem philosophy it has become normal for such small gains like genuine kindness to be overlooked in life, because we all want a perfect life and an image of positive greatness. LIFE IS MARVELLOUS after all, BUT WHAT MAKES IT SO? How we treat one another or what we achieve via positive thinking?

By stating all of this doesn’t signify that I underestimate myself or my life either; I have lots to be proud and thankful for, but I now have more realistic expectations of the world about me. What job I have, how new my new car is or how far I’ve travelled – doesn’t matter to me and in truth never did. What has mattered is realising life is flat, dull and fruitless. The other things are just distractions from the realisation.

Those silly things that often cloud people’s perceptions such as; material wealth, healthy living in the gym, obtaining immortal beauty, adhering to the rules of attraction, travelling like a nomad and securing high-flying jobs don’t cloud my realisation. All of these things are equally as worthless; merely an enforced life checklist of procedures to get through (because the time is ticking and you might die tomorrow).

What I do believe is that YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE YOUR LIFE, and you should do with it what you will – not what others churn out you should do; in vast vapid quantities listed as good advice, positive thinking, self-help and self-development.

If you are going to take advice from anyone, THEN TAKE IT FROM YOURSELF NOT OTHERS; who haven’t a clue about you, your life or your limitations. No one can tell you that by thinking positively or being optimistic and buying into ‘life is marvellous’ things will change substantially within your life. Regardless of how much you may plan or hope for the best or even try to change things; often things can and will go belly up! I am sorry, but it is true.

See life as being as empty as those ‘think positively’ promises and things may be better. 

I suppose what I am trying to state is that I can’t jump on the ‘life is marvellous’ bandwagon without admitting the real and severe flaws of it first! Even though many people can and do just to raise their ratings, because they actually don’t give a damn about the consequences of their twaddle.

P.S: This is a sort of response to a conversation – via comments – between myself and Green Embers. Just so he knows I am happy to credit him for the inspiration, and to tell him I do believe him to be a very good sort of person 🙂

A Test

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Saturday so far – well of course you all are because you are wonderful people!

I just wanted to spread the love today. I am encouraging everyone out there to trust in themselves and to believe they can achieve. Life is a gift and connecting to others is part of that gift.

Spread the love people, and share your support and goodwill to those who need it. Do something for someone else and make their day fabulous too!

Life is wonderful and deserves to be embraced by you wonderful people out there!

You are fabulous and strong and life is good!

 

A Thought on Positive Thinking

For the love of sanity; can everyone PLEASE let up on the mantra “the world is wonderful”, because I am left wondering who it is you are all trying to convince by saying this. Let me enlighten you; the world might be wonderful for some people, but for a vast majority who live in the REAL WORLD it isn’t all roses and miracles – nor will it be.

I have come to think that the people who perpetually peddle this “positive attitude”, and push all of the self help nonsense are the same people who’ve had very little negative things happen to them during their short lives.

Of course there are many people out there who would love to be sailing away on their mega yacht to the Caribbean (although not me as I am not fond of yachts, sailing or the Caribbean), I have to tell them that this WON’T happen. WHY? Well this cannot be everyone’s life course, because we live in a state of reality and not FANTASY.

99 times out of a 100 people’s lives consist of sucking up the ordinary and mundane whether that be; homelessness, inability to pay their way, horrible jobs, bad wages, no family or friends, death of loved ones, divorce, terrible family lives or whatever else! This is because some people need REAL and constructive help and support, not merely positive thinking alone to change their circumstances.

I know in this world of FANTASY such words are cold and harsh, but they are at least reality; which by the way it seems NO ONE wants to face up to. Of course there is also that other annoying word to deal with too; responsibility. Most people don’t want to just get up and walk away from everything in their life either, or perhaps they just can’t.

An example of those who can and do walk away; a Life Coach once told me he had become a Life Coach merely because he decided one day to this and drop everything else in his life; which also included his Wife and kids. He believed running off to “find himself” was far more admirable than dealing with his reality; his family. What a great positive life message for anyone to emulate; if you happen to be a cold, callous psychopath that is. This Life Coach then wondered why his kids no longer wanted anything to do with him. Erm, I wonder why too.

What truly peeves me though is the PRESSURE applied to people by this positive thinking and self help belief systems. It is the case that people are being told to be things that others deem necessary, and that if they don’t concede then their life cannot be classified as successful or happy. That in itself is a course to unhappiness. The best advice I’ve ever received is JUST BE YOU and BE HAPPY about that.

I wish people could just admit, without guilt, the fact that perhaps they don’t want to do anything with their lives! Why can’t people accept the fact they prefer watching another episode of their favourite TV show, lazing about and eating take away food while drinking too much wine! When people can do this, THEY CAN BE HAPPY or best of all CONTENT.

In this fantasy world we certainly DON’T like to endorse contentment; we weren’t all born to have bigger breasts, younger faces, bigger pecs, porn star sex lives, plenty of money, good jobs and so on and so on and so on, blah, blah, blah.

“We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very p****d off” (Tyler Durden – Fight Club).

In my opinion the positive thinking and self help industry has modelled itself on the cosmetics industry; honing in on everyone’s low self esteem and lack of confidence. They all ONLY WANT YOUR MONEY and in return will ONLY SELL YOU FALSE PROMISES; “if you buy into this new scam everything in your life will become wonderful over night”. Erm, no it won’t!!!! You will still be you and your life will still be what it is.

The key to the positive thinking and self help success is that no one EVER really tells you HOW to achieve anything truly concrete. Yes, it is a secret because YES there are NO REAL answers.

Do you still want that profound over night life changing experience? YES PLEASE! Well, in that case here is my advice for you;

1. Be ruthless, selfish and determined to the point that no one else and nothing else matters.
2. Learn to say “sod it” and just do it anyway.
3. Leading on from this is the necessity to take risks without fearing the consequence of your actions.
4. Plus, it will certainly help if you have the funds to do everything you ever wanted to do, as either way you will have to keep paying your bills (reality sucks I know – but so too does having a Court Judgement and criminal record for debt related charges).

So, are we all feeling positive yet – or are we beginning to feel reality?

If you need more inspiration then please read the below articles for further insights on how to feel, the reality in life……….

dailymail.co.uk/…/Positive-thinking-makes-sick-JENNI-MURRAY-hates-self-help-industry

positivesharing.com/…/5-ways-positive-thinking-makes-us-miserable-at-work

 

 

30 Days Of Change

Interesting concept; in 30 days you can either adopt a worthwhile lifestyle choice or delete a negative one from your world.

In just 30 days we, the humble human, can be re-programmed!

It doesn’t take a lifetime then? No, just 30 days. So, a Leopard can change its spots? YES, I suppose it can if you think 30 days is all that is required to change!

In ‘Try Something New For 30 Days’ Matt Cutts talks about how he begun embarking on his quest to change, in, you guessed it, ONLY 30 days. He also talks about how the tasks then grew in difficulty, how they challenged him and what profound changes actually occurred.

Inspiring? Well, I think so 🙂

 

The ‘talk’ is really short so; please, please, please watch this link!

Try Something New For 30 Days

Let me know what you think; are you willing to take the challenge?! 

Where’s Autumn?!

Dear Autumn,

RE: Where Are You This Year?

I write to you with a grave concern I felt compelled to express. I am consumed with sorrow, because of your absence.

May I enquire, why have you decided not to visit Madrid this year? What have we, the people of the city, done to offend you?!

It is the MOST horrible thing about living in Madrid, the fact I rarely have the opportunity to enjoy your company.

There has been this year, as last, a distinct lack in seasonal change, which is once again intolerable. In fact the only season that seems to last the duration here is summertime. Summertime never knows when it is polite moment to leave!

Snow, well, that too would be some kind of miracle. I think I saw some last year, but it was similar to someone with bad dandruff shaking their head nearby. Madrid’s version of snow sucks, just like their version of ‘Autumn’.

You Autumn are merely Autumn in name alone, and you should be ashamed of that fact!

The sun is unashamed, it remains fixed in the blue sky, mocking anyone who wants to feel a cold northernly wind scratch at their face! The temperature still hovers around 25 degrees, even though everyone walks around in coats, with runny noses, colds, and coughs. They, like me are willing you to put in an appearance and offer reprieve. Yet, regardless of this, you Autumn, are NOWHERE to be seen!

This for me is sorely disappointing. I mean, how can I truly enjoy Halloween, the highlight of your season, without a chill in the air, without a sense of the eerie or melodramatic?

It is unnatural, celebrating Halloween in a tee-shirt, and probably shorts. It sucks!  This suckiness is something YOU Autumn, are responsible for!

I want the cold, the rain, the icy mornings, the crisp evenings, the purple and red leaves, the thick wooly hats and scarfs, the coats, the extra socks and cold nose, seeing my breath in the air and feeling winter is on its way!

What is extra odd though, whilst mentioning the changes in leaf colour, or absence of such; that even if you Autumn are confused about the date, the tress aren’t. OK there are no dramatic leaf colour changes, because of your late arrival Autumn, but nevertheless the leaves vacate their branches. I feel deprived when leaves merely fade from green to brown, as here in Madrid, they just curl up and die! Every leaf on every tree falls by the wayside, they slowly just decide to give up the ghost! They realise it is October and they should be shed already, they hurry in their departure.

You see the trees know the seasons, even if the weather does not! Yet, you Autumn haven’t been involved at all, shame on you for shirking your responsibilities!

What I want, what I miss is the cold, is the sign Summer is over. So, please, please, please Autumn let it be cold soon!! I have had enough of the heat, the dry scorching air, the dusty roads, the parched vegetation, the hardly there attire!

You know what, to add insult to Autumns injury, today I saw a butterfly flutter past me whilst I was walking to the university! Yes, there it was as bold as brass, basking in the afternoon sun. It was just like summertime, summertime in the very nearly middle of October! Despicable! Absolutely despicable! What do you think Autumn? Are you now fully shamed into making your appearance?

Anyway, if you are by chance reading this, belated Autumn, get your bottom in gear and hurry up and arrive! Better late than never!

Yours sincerely,
A frustrated city dweller.

Confident? Who Can Tell?

I don’t want to dig at anyone else. I don’t want to say; ‘hey you are wrong’! Yet, I have to state, just for my won record, that I don’t necessarily agree on any one definition of confidence, or in fact how to spot confidence.

Until I know a person I refrain from making a sweeping judgement on them and their life history. Perhaps, because I spent my life being judged by others!!! I also don’t agree that by being confident it can make you a beautiful person, because confidence alone doesn’t make a person anything.

I also question whether any one person is 100% confident? I doubt they are, and doubt they are confident 100% of the time. Also, how often is confidence mistook for being arrogant, cocky, foolish, dismissive, spiteful, brash and so on and so on?

I too used to think, because I was actually told by people who said they were under confident; the reasons these people always bragged about themselves and their life, bullied others, acted up or had to be the comedian, talked too much and too loudly, was because they felt under confident. Perhaps this is true for some people, but not for everyone.

Now, I have never been 100% confident in me – NEVER! Yet, I am good at masking this, moving on, challenging myself and pushing myself to ensure I don’t hide away. I can appear confident no doubt, but not by bragging, talking too loudly or rambling on and on about me in conversation. Just by how I interact, what I am willing to do, even good eye contact and positive body language.

In fact, I learnt to not brag myself up or what I had or did from a young age. Bragging was believed to be crass, and discussing your personal life and wealth was too. Also hogging the conversation, talking too loudly about nonsense or personal matters, and acting like a complete fool to gain attention – all were deemed crass and a BIG no, no!

I was brought up to be modest, not to ‘blow my own horn’, to listen and then speak, to be mannerly and adhere to social etiquettes. In short, I was taught to not act as though I were too important, not to place myself above other people. Whether I was richer, more intelligent, more talented, artistic, or whatever; I had to just keep quiet about it all, and allow others to impart to me their life stories.

Being forced to be modest all of the time, and this sort of ‘social conditioning’, along with other issues, has actually contributed over the years to my own battle with under confidence. Another reason, one of THE most profound reasons for feeling bad about me in general, stems from being severely bullied from a young age up until I left school. This was actually because of who I was, and what others perceived of me. I know because some of these bullies actually admitted this to me at one point. They bullied me because they saw me as threat. I wouldn’t be like them, I didn’t want to be their friends, I refused to bow to what they wanted or act as though I wasn’t an individual with my own brain.

Yet, some people think that ALL bullies have confidence issues, well, my bullies may have had those issues, yet I do too and have NEVER bullied another.

So is it wrong to display a ‘false confidence’? Is it wrong to brag about you, to talk loudly, to perhaps not listen intently, to be the comedian (or whatever else)? Well consider this, how can anyone get anywhere unless they are willing to at least brag a little about themselves and their qualities? How do we become an employee, a student, a boss, an entrepreneur, how do we get a bank loan or find a partner? We display ourselves in the best possible light, and we talk about what we can offer, and often languish in a little self importance.

People may be or not be confident, BUT people being people WILL display this under confidence in many varying ways. There isn’t one type of anything. Confidence, like the weather, changes depending on what, who, where and how.

In my opinion any-way!!!

Related articles: from lifeonwry.com at WordPress
Can You Spot A Truly Confident Person?

What Is Hope?

Hope, the best weapon against life.

I had a rather disconcerting conversation with my friend yesterday, which all began because I asked the question; “What makes me unusual?”

Somehow the topic shifted. Soon we, I.E my friend and I  begun discussing my desire to pursue a career, and the reason why I insist upon believing in a dream job (term applied loosely; this represents a job I truly enjoy, and feel good about doing).

My friend told me; “Dream jobs don’t exist! Plus, they are immaterial because everyone only works for the money”.

I then tried to explain my take on the dream job; “I need to feel I am achieving something and also progressing. My work life cannot be static; it has to move forwards and not backwards. I need to feel I am respected, appreciated and have responsibility in a job. I want to be treated like an intelligent individual and not an idiot. I need to have a say in my working life to prevent me becoming thoroughly miserable”.

This explanation was also frowned upon.

Yet, is wanting those things from a job completely farcical?

I then asked my friend to consider how much she had actually progressed. She now has a better position with more respect and authority given to her. I told her that she may still not be ecstatic, and may still wish to be living a leisurely life with endless funds at her disposal; but compared to how it had been for her, she now had a better life (thanks to her better job, which suits her).

All I ask is similar – to be respected and appreciated. I wouldn’t want to be an employee who is bullied, used and abused. I want to feel I am worthy and being valued in a company. I want to feel invested in. If I have to work for a living I want to be as happy as I can be doing what pays me.

I told my friend; “You are turning what I want into a negative, as though I am a dreamer. I need to believe I can find something which suits me, and will enhance me” (admittedly I am never happy anywhere for long).

My friend replied; “It would be great if dream jobs existed, but they don’t so don’t dwell on them”.

Really, and why not? Why can’t a person have more than they currently have? Why can’t they look at attaining elements of a dream job if it makes them happy or if they feel there is more hope from doing so.

I know my friend has abandoned her ideas of a dream job; thinking they will never come to fruition. Perhaps also she has abandoned her hope to achieve more in her life. This thought saddens me, and she knows it does. I cannot understand why she insists on being resigned to the fact things won’t change.

True enough; we can’t all conquer or  change the world, but we ourselves can change. We do grown, develop, learn and progress – even within a job and this helps us attract more in our lives. If people reflect upon their lives they would be shocked how far they have come, but haven’t even realised. No one should give up without trying to achieve more, as that is what life is; experience and progression from one thing to the next.

 

I think my friend, like many other people feel it is practical to dismiss hope. Just by stating you have achieved all you think is possible at any age is depressing; life isn’t over until its over – so keep going! If I thought there was nothing more I would crack! I have always clung onto hope. I may have fleetingly considered things might not get better or things may not change, yet, not for long. I have never clung to the notion that there is nothing more for me to achieve in this life.

I actually wonder whether losing hope means you die – not physically, but internally? What is hope if not truly delusion, and yet without it, who are we and what is our life?

Without hope life is a reality stripped bare and basic; bills, work, money, worry, aliments, ageing, disappointments, lack of motivation, no goals in life. We would all then lose faith in ourselves and our lives – what would it all be like if we didn’t hope there would be more?

Hope, it is all we have for free, and without it life is damn grim. I know I prefer to live with hope than without it. How about you?

**Above insert by: www.microkosmic.com***

Volunteering To Progress

I am feeling quietly pleased with myself today.

It has taken some time, but I’ve managed to discover some volunteering programmes with opportunities available here in Madrid!!

On first inspection, volunteering options here did seem quite limited; signposting for such things on the internet was not great! Yet, with ample research done, there are a few good groups with lots of links to lots of projects.  I have begun the ball rolling, and am quite excited about hopefully becoming involved with as much of this good work as possible!!!

I had a determined streak in me today – a little ‘this will work’ voice; perhaps it is because it is my Birthday tomorrow?? Surely the rule has to be that there has to be some good luck attached to that, right????

Anyway, I have had a prompt reply from one volunteer group who wanted to meet me ASAP!!! Also, a chance of an interview for teaching English (although, this is where the luck falters – the interviews, and eventual job offers are no where near Madrid, and that is no good for me).

More news, yes there is more!!! I have also joined some social groups – Madrid meet up groups. I was reluctant to do this initially, as I am not the type of person who likes organised social groups (reminds me of Girl Guides – and I was NEVER a Girl Guide)!!!

Yet, if I am honest, and I feel I ought to be honest; I also have noticed I am feeling a tad fearful of meeting people in group situations. This makes me shout, WHAT THE HELL; this would never have been the case back in the UK. For me it is a clear sign that my confidence must have taken a dint somewhere along the line. Anyway, I feel I need to try to make more of an effort to meet new people here in Madrid – to be out of my comfort zone if I have to too.

All I hope is that when the time arrives to meet with these new groups, I don’t make a lame excuse not to go. It is important for me to at least try and cast my networking net further afield!! I suppose I just wait and see how it goes; if it goes anywhere at all!!!!

I think my main hurdle now is keeping positive. I have tried applying for things here in Madrid previously, and joining in new social groups too, yet, regardless of my best effort, nothing has come to fruition. SO, I am hoping THIS TIME, it will be MY TIME TO SHINE.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Unique Selling Point

Image from: http://www.inboundpro.net

Having been a little angry recently, OK very angry recently, I thought I’d attempt to change my tune before I implode!! Hehe!!

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t resolved the issues that have prodded at my anger. I can’t yet, but I can at least try to delve into the positive side of life for a while to help me forget the bad 🙂

So, I began thinking about my ‘UNIQUE SELLING POINT’!!

In this post my USP is only for my reference, and not meant to impress or ‘WOW’ outside influences by relating to them my amazingness (I jest)!!! At this moment I just want to think about what I like about me, whether others will share the same opinion of me, who knows, I can’t say for sure!

USP is usually something economists or career guidance people chat about. It is unique to you, so only you know what makes you unique 🙂 In that, there is no wrong or right!!!! Yippeee!!!!! In this post I am assuming you are the product you are trying to sell to the world – which is I suppose exactly what we are and what we try to do!!

USP is important stuff then? Well, it is drawing others attention to your value or what you have that they need.

Yet, I do question it, just a teensy-weensy bit!!! Why should USP be used to buy and sell who you are – why should it be used to get others to invest in you??? Can’t it just be for you and you alone??? I mean if they need a USP to believe in you, then it says more about them that it does about you.

Anyway, just for the sake of this post, I am going to reveal (ta-da!!!) my USP. Even though I sometimes question the purpose of such one sided mechanisms of value, I do think it has a place in some circumstances (fickle eh? Not to be included in my USP)!!!! I suppose I just want to ensure we don’t become hung up on such things; it will never be the end of the world if a USP reveals we are not ALL singing and dancing geniuses!!!

OK – lets talk ME!!!! I feel I have many qualities depending on the circumstances those qualities are being assessed within. I think it isn’t so easy to sum up everything I have to offer the world (see, I can be positive when I need to be)!!!!!!

Anyway just to appease the topic of this post here are some of my USP’s (you might or might not be interested)!!!

**I am great at adapting to any situation**

**I am excellent at communication ~ I love to talk & explain**

**I am empathetic and can listen to what is being said**

**I can sing (oh yes I can)!**

**I have lived in the real world (interpret that how you want to)**

**I have a capacity to learn things & very quickly**

**I have a god memory, especially for faces (I should have joined the police)**

**I possess intuitive skills, which have helped me out on many occasions**

**I am affable, but not weak**

So, these are some of my USP’s;

BUT, WHAT ARE YOURS?????????????????????

What do you have to offer that makes you stand out from the herd????

What makes you you???? 

Do you ever consider your USP????

Healing Within

Picture from: redbubble.com
“Inner Turmoil”

“Trying to win every battle can be hard,

therefore to stay positive and strong is also hard.

That is why inner healing is a

slow process over time, which requires patience”.

 

The Savvy Senorita (AKA: Bex Houghagen) 2013