This Is Frustrating

I found a great little job site for applying for work here in Madrid, yet, the application process SUCKS!!!

I can’t upload my own CV, which far surpasses the useless and limited electronic version the site has for every candidate to use. It is OK if every candidate is Spanish, but I am not, and the jobs being advertised on the site aren’t all for Spanish speakers or Spanish companies!!!

The CV on the site didn’t even have the ‘pull down’ option on there for MY degree, what the Hell!!! It couldn’t get my age correct either!! It also required either NIE (certificate of residency) or passport number – which is highly confidential information to part with, and leave lying around on an online job site, which could be hacked any time, and my complete identity then stolen!! In the UK such personal identification would NEVER be required until the interview stage or, until an actual job offer has been made.

The site also required me to input a Spanish telephone number, which I haven’t got. I don’t want one either!!!! I didn’t see the need to transfer my contract over to a Spanish contract, especially as mobile contracts are expensive here. I use texts more than calls, here, Spanish people use calls more than texts – who the Hell am I gonna call and chat to?? I don’t have an endless contact list!!!

The other down side – everything on the site’s CV was in Spanish. Yet, the jobs I wanted to apply for are not advertised in Spanish, are not for Spanish speakers, but Native English speakers. Therefore, as a non-fluent Spanish speaker – the whole site was a tad frustrating to navigate – and most of it wasn’t applicable to me!!!!

It was a classic catch 22. I need to be in a Spanish working environment to learn more Spanish, and yet getting a job to help me do that – is a nightmare! So, I rely on applying for English speaking only positions to help me get somewhere; but this is no better, as the application process is in Spanish!

Barriers, and then some!!!!!

The etiquette for interviews, and for meting people in a business capacity is completely wrong too! There is no follow up, the only option is; come at this time, this date, to this venue – there is NO, can you make this? Is this OK for you? Let us confirm this 100%. There is NO response to confirm or responses to answer questions – its just – this, that and nothing more. If that is no good for you, well, tough – and DON’T contact us again! How is that conducive for business or organisations to run?? Why can’t they clarify what is required?? Why can’t they communicate and decide what is best for all parties concerned?? How does anything ever get done if there is no negotiation and communication, just orders?!

As a candidate or enquirer about volunteering, info on jobs, organising meetings and so on, you have to do all the chasing too. Without two way communication you are often left hanging with no real answers, clarification or a way to progress. Basically, it is a one time only offer; unless you comply to what they want, when they want it and how they want it, you as a candidate or enquirer are up the creak without a paddle.

No wonder so many people here in Spain are unemployed!!!!!!!

I am at least, seemingly, making headway with volunteering. I am trying once more to arrange a meeting to discuss what I can do, and they can do – and so on and so on. Fingers crossed this will all be done and dusted by next week!!!!! Fingers crossed!!!!

The Language Exchange

Yesterday or more precisely, last night, I attended another one of those English and Spanish language exchanges. Here in Madrid they are called; ‘Intercambios’.

Last night was OK, I seem to be settling into the routine and environment of the particular Intercambio I attend. I have made a few friends actually, but the reason I initially began attending Intercambios wasn’t really to make friends.

The idea behind these language exchanges are that people who wish to learn English or Spanish can meet at these organised events, and then together they can work to improve their language skills.

In Madrid Intercambios are popular. For me it has been a huge shock discovering just how popular. Many people here are eager to perfect their English – which they will tell you is bad, and yet it isn’t! They speak very good English, which again shocked me, as you rarely hear them doing so, even if you ask them.

People here actually learn English via work or from school, well, the younger generations learn in school. Courses and classes here can be expensive, so people flood to these Intercambios hoping to practice and speak English for free. So, I held out hope to also be able to chat away in my ‘Spanglish’, or gain the much needed confidence to actually speak Spanish as well as I do when no-one is listening to me!!

Having spent a significant time dedicated to attempting to learn Spanish, and also time slacking off from this task; I came to think, in my infinite wisdom, that Intercambio (language exchange) evenings would be the way to achieve language perfection.

Oh dear, how misled were my judgements on such things.

The main issue for me is that Intercambios are 99.9% of the time run from a bar/club, where loud music can hinder understanding, and also people tend to enjoy drinking alcohol, more than perhaps actually learning anything. I for one am guilty of this!

OK, alcohol plays a huge part in lowering inhibitions and boosting confidence, but also after a couple of drinks retaining any new information, in relation to learning, well, it isn’t so conducive.

Have I learnt anything so far from attending them?? Well a couple of words, but not substantial conversation or fantastical language confidence!

In fact even finding an Intercambio set up I was comfortable with at first, was trial and error.

My first experience with Intercambios was actually as I expected it would be, surprisingly. Bar, alcohol,
men and women = well, a hunting ground for sex. Not really my idea of learning a language!

This first Intercambio, 3 friends and myself  attended together. As soon as us women entered the bar (which was full of men), immediately I detected their eyes fix upon us, and I just knew why! Their necks were all strained like Meerkats on the lookout!! They weren’t interested in run of the mill conversation, let me just say that!

Anyway, intimidating, yes, very; we were not there to meet men for sex.

So, my judgement of Intercambios had been tainted; I felt it was really a euphemism for a ‘pick up’ opportunity, rather than a legitimate language exchange or learning experience.

Anyway, not being one to give up, I decided to persevere and give the Intercambios another shot.

The second Intercambio I attended, although the setting remained within a bar, I didn’t get a ‘pick up’ joint vibe. So, it seemed as though this one might just provide me an opportunity to learn, and practice Spanish.

This was the theory, but it has never quite transpired to practice.

Reason being is when a friend and I checked into this particular Intercambio, we looked at the attendee register, and immediately noticed everyone there was Spanish. 98% of them wanted to learn English!!!! Us two, being the only fluent English speakers present – damn!

Seems as though we would be the free English tutors for the evening – and that thought unnerved me.

As soon as the people present heard our accents, all eyes were trained upon us! They turned eagerly, desperate to get the opportunity to talk to us about anything, so long as they could speak to us in English. It was once again an intimidating situation, but for very different reasons than the first Intercambio disaster. We were again centre of attention without even wanting to be! I then thought, thank God I have never been famous, I’d never have coped with all that attention!

I was a little freaked out to say the least; put on the spot and I almost felt like a cabaret act – like I should do a little dance or something! I felt myself squirm inwardly as we were paraded about the bar, and then introduced to about 10 strangers. We were expected then to get on with our tuition of these Spanish strangers! It was weird!

Consequently I could only speak in English for the first hour, and then only a little Spanish thereafter. I was on edge all night – I felt so nervous of all the attention and questioning. Though, they were nice people, it was still a full on experience and not one I am usually used to; speaking on demand like a pet! I wasn’t a happy bunny!

This way of learning is not for me, I cannot learn like this. I need to feel comfortable to speak to a person in a foreign language – I don’t know why. I struggle, I feel my mind goes blank. Plus, how often do we trade information, that is perhaps personal, with complete strangers? Not often. It is quite an unnatural setting.

A Spanish friend of mine actually described the Intercambios as a form of speed dating, and they could be. It is like repeating yourself, and making good impressions, being on your best behaviour, and hiding your true self to score points! I have never been part of a speed dating event, but I imagine people must feel the same – on show, on the spot and feel they are being assessed and judged even!

It is a weird environment for sure, and one I just feel I am not comfortable in, yet every week I still attend, like a glutton for punishment! As I have already stated though I have met some nice people, so this is a good thing, yet, I am not really fulfilling my main aim – to learn Spanish!

Yet, at least I am making friends. So, there is still hope to eventually be fluent in Spanish, one day!

Nosotros no hablamos Inglés..….well, I only speak Spanglish, as English is my comfort blanket.

I have been thinking about living in Madrid, about learning the Spanish language and communication skills; how not being able to fully express myself in Spanish is often frustrating, and how I am reacting to having the comfort blanket of my native language taken away from me.

I recently read a blog by latinaish, the post was called ‘hablar o No hablar?’ I could identify with some of the points she raised. I felt inspired to offer a little bit of my own experience in learning a new language, and then trying to practice and use what I have learnt.

The people I have come into contact with in Madrid either speak no English, or have some command of the language. The younger generations have learnt English in school, but even they are quite self-conscious, under confident, shy or under practiced to use the English language. It is one thing to hear it spoken on a television programme or in a class room, and then to use it for real in a situation that isn’t scripted. I feel the same about Spanish; from the moment I begun learning the language I felt I ought to be immediately 100% proficient, and believed that in only a couple of months I would be reading Shakespeare in Spanish and debating politics! I was setting myself up for failure though, over pressuring myself to be word perfect on a two hour a week lesson!

I think I under estimated how important it is to be heard, to be understood and to interact. It is something I took for granted being an English speaker in the UK. It is an important part of our every-day, yet it is something we just do and think little of. I have never been the type of person to remain quiet in social situations, my life and work has always dictated otherwise. Yet, here in Madrid I find myself on the verge of becoming someone I thought I wouldn’t be; afraid to speak out!

I strongly believe the key to language is confidence and practice, without these you fail to even give yourself the right frame of mind to absorb all you are learning. Don’t get me wrong, I have learnt a lot, and when I look back I cannot believe how far I have come. Especially as Spanish is a language I wasn’t affiliated with at all back in the UK, it was alien to me; no music or programmes in Spanish, in school we learnt French and Welsh as second languages, and I didn’t know any Spanish speakers. In a situation where you move countries, and are literally beginning again, there are so many things to adjust to; and the language is one of many, but the most important. I am in Spain therefore I need to speak Spanish! Life is difficult unless you are prepared to at least try to speak, and without confidence you are in trouble.

I feel learning a language should have been easy for me; my Mother’s family are fluent in Welsh, my Grand Mother is proficient in French and my Grand Father speaks Irish Gaelic! Yet, none of these people saw fit to pass along their knowledge! All of what has been learnt stays with them, they have chosen, even when they could have, not to teach others! Even learning that second language in school was difficult, it had a stigma attached. It is ridiculous to recall that 13 and 14 year olds attitude, but it wasn’t deemed cool. So, I scuppered my own learning when I had the chance, even though I was actually in top sets for both languages, and of course English. Yet, I refused to continue with learning a second language when I was given the option to. I wish I could return to that moment in time and say, ‘wake up fool you’ll need those languages one day and regret it’. I try not to regret anything, as the decision was made for a reason by a person I used to be, but I do regret that.

I know have a renewed opportunity to learn a second language, and I feel my mind and brain battle me all the way. Not because I can’t, but because I feel, just like the Spanish might about English; under confident in my abilities. I feel like a fool using a language I have such a small capacity to communicate fully in. I am frustrated; I understand written and even spoken Spanish (some people speak so fast it is difficult, but I will always get the gist of a conversation), yet, I cannot reply adequately or quickly enough! I speak so slowly, my mind translating everything and it often then forgets the initial question!!!! I feel stupid, like a little kid; so used to being eloquent in English I am struggling to prise myself away from my comfort blanket. It’s the feeling of beginning again; having the language ability of not even a 4 year old, it frightens me!

Language is complex, and how we absorb it is a complex process too. Maybe I am on a back-foot; I am not married to a native Spanish man, my friends here speak great English, which they have been learning and practicing since they were 11. I don’t like Spanish TV or music (sorry!), and I have no family members to pass on to me their built up knowledge. Yet, I think I have overcome obstacles as I have needed to, even as a complete beginner, but now my internal doubt is beginning to rear its head, and hamper my progress!

You see it is this confidence in speaking that troubles me. In Madrid I feel ridiculous going out and just striking up a conversation for the sake of it with a stranger, yet, if I could speak the language well enough I would! It is not that I am adverse in challenging myself; I speak whenever I can to whoever I can, I order food, food shop, visit the local markets, go out to have drinks, travel alone, shop for clothes and wander around the city. Basically I do whatever I would do naturally at home in the UK. In fact being in Madrid feels more like home than the UK, so it isn’t as though I feel uncomfortable. I love travelling, meeting new people and having new experiences; yet for all of this I am in a rut of self-conscious under confidence, which is not usual to me. I could literally slap myself for it!

I am so used to speaking to new people, my education and work has always dictated that; working in communities, for local Government and National Government projects, charities, and even as a tutor. Language is and always has been my strong hold though, and that is the problem; without my comfort blanket here in Madrid I feel I have lost my niche, my ability, a fundamental part of me! Who am I without my own language?!

When I do speak though, I am not a complete lost cause, I am usually understood! People have even mistaken me for a Spanish senorita! When out and about I am spoke to, I am asked various questions; when I say I am not Spanish or explain I am currently leaning the language they then look at me as though I am lying, I have to be Spanish! It is as though I am at odds; I seem Spanish, but I am not Spanish, I speak, but then I am too shy, I experience the new, but afraid of what might happen. Learning a language seems full of complex contradictions, it is easy to give advice and say what should be done, but every person reacts differently. I just wish there was magic spell to help me fathom it all out and send me on my way!

What I know I don’t want is to leave Madrid, and again, feel I have scuppered my own learning, feel bad about not just getting on with it like everyone else does! I want to liberate myself from my internal voice of doubt, I want to break free and learn! Yet, actions speak louder than words right?! I think I just need a final push, and one day it’ll click and make sense. Or, maybe I’ll wake up like Brendon Fraser in ‘Bedazzled’, and just be able to speak Spanish because of a magic spell! One can at least live in hope!

See below link for ‘Bedazzled’ Brendan Fraser and his miraculous ability to speak fluent Spanish! Extremely funny clip for all those frustrated in learning a new language!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd2RR4bO_9g&feature=related (link courtesy of memoring)

Please leave me your comments with your thoughts, experiences and any advice! Thanks for reading!

Learning; not just relegated to the classroom.

Above image from: simonox found on http://letspracticepresenttenses.blogspot.com.es

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