Updates!

Yes, well I thought it about time to update everyone, and anyone interested in recent and interesting events.

Things, seemingly, have settled down.

Is this the power of positive thinking at its best? I am inclined to think so!!!

OK, I have, *cough* and drum roll, officially become an English teacher. How the Hell did that happen?! She asks bemused!

I mean I had to be THE most unlucky and hap-hazard teacher in ALL of Madrid. Everyone else had floods of students, and me, well I couldn’t catch a fish if, well, if I fell in the river and, however the saying goes!

 

Yet, with a little ‘networking’; hehe, get me, a little networking, well I never! Seems that International Politics degree did give me some skills to transfer into my life after all! I’m being cynical, it has worked wonders for me so far, honestly.

What makes the work situation better, is that I am calling the shots. This is the great thing about taking on private classes! Oh, but I may have an interview on Friday.  Just thought I’d throw that one in the mix too! It has taken long enough, so I am EXTREMELY happy!

NO jinxing me, please! Remember, what goes around WILL come around.

So, from all of this soon to be teaching, there is money in the bank? Well, not yet, but it will happen! Yipppeeee! So, I can tick one ‘to do’ off my list then? Hoping so!

The social groups are revealing THE most interesting people. ‘Like attracting like’ (rules of attraction); there I go again, blowing my own trumpet, dear me.

I have met so many people who have just been able to open the relevant doors for me. I actually feel, although reticent to say it allowed, blessed.

For once in a long while, I feel my direction is going in a direction! I feel like I am walking on rose petals and not poisoned thorns, a little dramatic I know, but so true.

There is fertile ground, land ahoy, the storm is over – OK, not over, just a temporary reprieve and I am sure it will resume soon enough. So, I err on the side of caution, BUT, maintain a positive outlook!

I have also managed to meet some pretty cool friends too. I have been a bit of a social butterfly recently, and am loving it! Why not, I am young and although not single, I am free (not cheap, merely free).

The volunteering is still going well, I am chief researcher; ta dah! I maybe a real ‘geek’ , but I LOVE research.

Oh, and I am writing for ANOTHER blog, as a guest writer! This is great, as there is a ready made ‘fan base’. I am so unused to lots of people merely just liking my writing without prompt, I could get used to it!!!!

Finally, but not nor ever will it be THE end of it; my Spanish practice. Mas or menos igual; in other words, it is more or less equal to what it was. Though, I am feeling more confident.

Today I have had to speak to people in Spanish via the telephone. What the Hell has happened to me????!!!! Actually speaking on the telephone in a language I have been quite afraid of using!!! Telephone conversations were posing an obstacle for me on the confidence stakes. Yet, I managed it, although, not in a hurry to repeat it.

Oh, but I have found THE best ‘intercambio’ partner though. She is a Spanish teacher, and so nice. I do feel my confidence to increase my communication is on the rise, yes actual conversation, woo hoo! Watch this space people, anything is possible!

 

 

 

 

 

Confident? Who Can Tell?

I don’t want to dig at anyone else. I don’t want to say; ‘hey you are wrong’! Yet, I have to state, just for my won record, that I don’t necessarily agree on any one definition of confidence, or in fact how to spot confidence.

Until I know a person I refrain from making a sweeping judgement on them and their life history. Perhaps, because I spent my life being judged by others!!! I also don’t agree that by being confident it can make you a beautiful person, because confidence alone doesn’t make a person anything.

I also question whether any one person is 100% confident? I doubt they are, and doubt they are confident 100% of the time. Also, how often is confidence mistook for being arrogant, cocky, foolish, dismissive, spiteful, brash and so on and so on?

I too used to think, because I was actually told by people who said they were under confident; the reasons these people always bragged about themselves and their life, bullied others, acted up or had to be the comedian, talked too much and too loudly, was because they felt under confident. Perhaps this is true for some people, but not for everyone.

Now, I have never been 100% confident in me – NEVER! Yet, I am good at masking this, moving on, challenging myself and pushing myself to ensure I don’t hide away. I can appear confident no doubt, but not by bragging, talking too loudly or rambling on and on about me in conversation. Just by how I interact, what I am willing to do, even good eye contact and positive body language.

In fact, I learnt to not brag myself up or what I had or did from a young age. Bragging was believed to be crass, and discussing your personal life and wealth was too. Also hogging the conversation, talking too loudly about nonsense or personal matters, and acting like a complete fool to gain attention – all were deemed crass and a BIG no, no!

I was brought up to be modest, not to ‘blow my own horn’, to listen and then speak, to be mannerly and adhere to social etiquettes. In short, I was taught to not act as though I were too important, not to place myself above other people. Whether I was richer, more intelligent, more talented, artistic, or whatever; I had to just keep quiet about it all, and allow others to impart to me their life stories.

Being forced to be modest all of the time, and this sort of ‘social conditioning’, along with other issues, has actually contributed over the years to my own battle with under confidence. Another reason, one of THE most profound reasons for feeling bad about me in general, stems from being severely bullied from a young age up until I left school. This was actually because of who I was, and what others perceived of me. I know because some of these bullies actually admitted this to me at one point. They bullied me because they saw me as threat. I wouldn’t be like them, I didn’t want to be their friends, I refused to bow to what they wanted or act as though I wasn’t an individual with my own brain.

Yet, some people think that ALL bullies have confidence issues, well, my bullies may have had those issues, yet I do too and have NEVER bullied another.

So is it wrong to display a ‘false confidence’? Is it wrong to brag about you, to talk loudly, to perhaps not listen intently, to be the comedian (or whatever else)? Well consider this, how can anyone get anywhere unless they are willing to at least brag a little about themselves and their qualities? How do we become an employee, a student, a boss, an entrepreneur, how do we get a bank loan or find a partner? We display ourselves in the best possible light, and we talk about what we can offer, and often languish in a little self importance.

People may be or not be confident, BUT people being people WILL display this under confidence in many varying ways. There isn’t one type of anything. Confidence, like the weather, changes depending on what, who, where and how.

In my opinion any-way!!!

Related articles: from lifeonwry.com at WordPress
Can You Spot A Truly Confident Person?

What’s Going On?

Well it has been a hectic few weeks. Things seem to be sluggishly moving forward, but at least they are moving forward!

I have been volunteering for a couple of weeks, time has flown by! My volunteering; carrying out research for a project the organisation are hoping to run, and also I have been out and about looking at open spaces in the city. Yes, open spaces in Madrid, the city does have them, they are just quickly occupied with people, bars, and so on!!!

The work has been good and given me a focus, plus, there are possibilities of doing more volunteering – which is what I want eventually. I have also enjoyed being valued! It is weird, but I haven’t felt for ages that my input and contribution have been actually valued (in a work setting)! Now I feel I am being valued again!!!! I feel although what I am currently doing is only a small contribution, this contribution is something worthwhile. It feels good!

The project I am volunteering for is about bringing the homeless community, and other organisations in the city who can offer help and support, together as one. At this current moment vagrancy or homelessness goes against the grain of acceptability. The state of being without a home is completely unconducive with the Spanish Governments ideas on how things should be. They have adopted the stance that a person chooses to be homeless. Some officials here are speaking out in disgust, they have said that this attitude, and these policies hark back to the dictatorship of Franco. I can see why.

So, I am continuing to explore what is what with the volunteering, BUT, I have also joined some ‘meet up’ groups.

I have attended one ‘Coffee and Tea’ meet up group – it was actually OK. Not at all like I thought it would be; reminiscent of my initial experiences with language exchanges or intercambios! See this post for my views on intercambios: The Language Exchange

This ‘social’ meet up group was friendly and formal all at the same time. It was more tailored around getting to know people, and possibly networking and so on. I thought the organiser of this group to be a genuine and friendly individual, and everyone else in attendance seemed so nice too. So enchanted am I by these newly found ‘meet up social thingy-me-bobs’ I have signed up for two more ‘Coffee and Tea’ meetings, which I am looking forward to!!!

All of this social change is bringing me feelings of happiness and direction. I am quite excited to see where it all leads me!! Although I am a little nervous, I am actually more looking forward to the events rather than apprehensive. I am curious and want to network with people, I feel I have to do this, the time is right for me, and the opportunity is wonderful!!

So, to continue the exploration I have decided to join a further two ‘meet up social thingy-me-bobs’ – there is just no stopping me, I feel so dynamic at the moment I believe I can achieve anything! These two new groups are more what I have been hoping to find. They represent THE thing I enjoy MOST, therefore, these groups are what I am MOST nervous about! One group is purely a discussion group, and the other is a writers group. So, fingers crossed these groups will prove as interesting and useful as the ‘Coffee and Tea’ version, and fingers crossed I will get along fine!!!

I have also been talking with friends about delivering informal English classes, and they are keen to be my guinea pigs, I mean students! In fact, they are so keen they have been recruiting their own acquaintances to take my classes! I don’t know whether this will pan out, as there is so much uncertainty around it, but there is a slim chance it might, and I then will be actually ‘teaching’ for some much required cash!

So, all in all things have just taken off – plus the decision to create another blog and also looking at possible YouTube videos too.

Here is hoping things continue to move in a good, positive and happy direction – I need it!!

Volunteering To Progress

I am feeling quietly pleased with myself today.

It has taken some time, but I’ve managed to discover some volunteering programmes with opportunities available here in Madrid!!

On first inspection, volunteering options here did seem quite limited; signposting for such things on the internet was not great! Yet, with ample research done, there are a few good groups with lots of links to lots of projects.  I have begun the ball rolling, and am quite excited about hopefully becoming involved with as much of this good work as possible!!!

I had a determined streak in me today – a little ‘this will work’ voice; perhaps it is because it is my Birthday tomorrow?? Surely the rule has to be that there has to be some good luck attached to that, right????

Anyway, I have had a prompt reply from one volunteer group who wanted to meet me ASAP!!! Also, a chance of an interview for teaching English (although, this is where the luck falters – the interviews, and eventual job offers are no where near Madrid, and that is no good for me).

More news, yes there is more!!! I have also joined some social groups – Madrid meet up groups. I was reluctant to do this initially, as I am not the type of person who likes organised social groups (reminds me of Girl Guides – and I was NEVER a Girl Guide)!!!

Yet, if I am honest, and I feel I ought to be honest; I also have noticed I am feeling a tad fearful of meeting people in group situations. This makes me shout, WHAT THE HELL; this would never have been the case back in the UK. For me it is a clear sign that my confidence must have taken a dint somewhere along the line. Anyway, I feel I need to try to make more of an effort to meet new people here in Madrid – to be out of my comfort zone if I have to too.

All I hope is that when the time arrives to meet with these new groups, I don’t make a lame excuse not to go. It is important for me to at least try and cast my networking net further afield!! I suppose I just wait and see how it goes; if it goes anywhere at all!!!!

I think my main hurdle now is keeping positive. I have tried applying for things here in Madrid previously, and joining in new social groups too, yet, regardless of my best effort, nothing has come to fruition. SO, I am hoping THIS TIME, it will be MY TIME TO SHINE.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Language Exchange

Yesterday or more precisely, last night, I attended another one of those English and Spanish language exchanges. Here in Madrid they are called; ‘Intercambios’.

Last night was OK, I seem to be settling into the routine and environment of the particular Intercambio I attend. I have made a few friends actually, but the reason I initially began attending Intercambios wasn’t really to make friends.

The idea behind these language exchanges are that people who wish to learn English or Spanish can meet at these organised events, and then together they can work to improve their language skills.

In Madrid Intercambios are popular. For me it has been a huge shock discovering just how popular. Many people here are eager to perfect their English – which they will tell you is bad, and yet it isn’t! They speak very good English, which again shocked me, as you rarely hear them doing so, even if you ask them.

People here actually learn English via work or from school, well, the younger generations learn in school. Courses and classes here can be expensive, so people flood to these Intercambios hoping to practice and speak English for free. So, I held out hope to also be able to chat away in my ‘Spanglish’, or gain the much needed confidence to actually speak Spanish as well as I do when no-one is listening to me!!

Having spent a significant time dedicated to attempting to learn Spanish, and also time slacking off from this task; I came to think, in my infinite wisdom, that Intercambio (language exchange) evenings would be the way to achieve language perfection.

Oh dear, how misled were my judgements on such things.

The main issue for me is that Intercambios are 99.9% of the time run from a bar/club, where loud music can hinder understanding, and also people tend to enjoy drinking alcohol, more than perhaps actually learning anything. I for one am guilty of this!

OK, alcohol plays a huge part in lowering inhibitions and boosting confidence, but also after a couple of drinks retaining any new information, in relation to learning, well, it isn’t so conducive.

Have I learnt anything so far from attending them?? Well a couple of words, but not substantial conversation or fantastical language confidence!

In fact even finding an Intercambio set up I was comfortable with at first, was trial and error.

My first experience with Intercambios was actually as I expected it would be, surprisingly. Bar, alcohol,
men and women = well, a hunting ground for sex. Not really my idea of learning a language!

This first Intercambio, 3 friends and myself  attended together. As soon as us women entered the bar (which was full of men), immediately I detected their eyes fix upon us, and I just knew why! Their necks were all strained like Meerkats on the lookout!! They weren’t interested in run of the mill conversation, let me just say that!

Anyway, intimidating, yes, very; we were not there to meet men for sex.

So, my judgement of Intercambios had been tainted; I felt it was really a euphemism for a ‘pick up’ opportunity, rather than a legitimate language exchange or learning experience.

Anyway, not being one to give up, I decided to persevere and give the Intercambios another shot.

The second Intercambio I attended, although the setting remained within a bar, I didn’t get a ‘pick up’ joint vibe. So, it seemed as though this one might just provide me an opportunity to learn, and practice Spanish.

This was the theory, but it has never quite transpired to practice.

Reason being is when a friend and I checked into this particular Intercambio, we looked at the attendee register, and immediately noticed everyone there was Spanish. 98% of them wanted to learn English!!!! Us two, being the only fluent English speakers present – damn!

Seems as though we would be the free English tutors for the evening – and that thought unnerved me.

As soon as the people present heard our accents, all eyes were trained upon us! They turned eagerly, desperate to get the opportunity to talk to us about anything, so long as they could speak to us in English. It was once again an intimidating situation, but for very different reasons than the first Intercambio disaster. We were again centre of attention without even wanting to be! I then thought, thank God I have never been famous, I’d never have coped with all that attention!

I was a little freaked out to say the least; put on the spot and I almost felt like a cabaret act – like I should do a little dance or something! I felt myself squirm inwardly as we were paraded about the bar, and then introduced to about 10 strangers. We were expected then to get on with our tuition of these Spanish strangers! It was weird!

Consequently I could only speak in English for the first hour, and then only a little Spanish thereafter. I was on edge all night – I felt so nervous of all the attention and questioning. Though, they were nice people, it was still a full on experience and not one I am usually used to; speaking on demand like a pet! I wasn’t a happy bunny!

This way of learning is not for me, I cannot learn like this. I need to feel comfortable to speak to a person in a foreign language – I don’t know why. I struggle, I feel my mind goes blank. Plus, how often do we trade information, that is perhaps personal, with complete strangers? Not often. It is quite an unnatural setting.

A Spanish friend of mine actually described the Intercambios as a form of speed dating, and they could be. It is like repeating yourself, and making good impressions, being on your best behaviour, and hiding your true self to score points! I have never been part of a speed dating event, but I imagine people must feel the same – on show, on the spot and feel they are being assessed and judged even!

It is a weird environment for sure, and one I just feel I am not comfortable in, yet every week I still attend, like a glutton for punishment! As I have already stated though I have met some nice people, so this is a good thing, yet, I am not really fulfilling my main aim – to learn Spanish!

Yet, at least I am making friends. So, there is still hope to eventually be fluent in Spanish, one day!

Brain Plasticity – How Do We Learn?

Brain Plasticity – looks as complex as it sounds?

Well, last week I had my first official Intercambio meeting (Spanish and English language exchange), via a college here in Madrid. I have written about learning Spanish in a previous post, and the trials and tribulations of becoming accustomed to a new language and life setting. It is not as though I don’t use what Spanish I have learnt, or practice with others, but this Intercambio meeting was the first step in officially ratifying and testing my learning.

Needless to say I felt very nervous. One reason was the fact I didn’t know who I would be meeting with, and I couldn’t be certain whether we would have any common ground to even begin a conversation with. Secondly I really pinned my hopes on using this meeting as a vehicle to gain acquaintance with new people, and to continue to expand my networks; hence I really wanted the initial meeting to go well. Thirdly I was aware I was succumbing to my inner disappointments, because of my lack of Spanish language skills. I therefore felt I was going to be somehow inferior to everyone else present. I have this belief that everyone I meet has mastered a second or third language far better than I ever will; not a conducive thought for the learning processes to take hold (I know).

Anyway, I was eagerly punctual, as always and begun chatting to one of the staff at the college who is Romanian. He was trying to reassure me that it does take time to learn any language well enough to speak confidently, while proceeding to provide me with the same advice I usually receive; go out more and interact and listen to the language being spoken, watch television and listen to the radio. Basically submerse myself in the language on a daily basis.

Of course I agree with this, but again I seem to struggle, though admittedly I am not submerging myself enough.

However, I have reached a point where I am considering my brain’s capacity to actually learn a new language. Is it physically possible for me to learn a new language, have I the specific abilities required in this type of learning or is it merely my self doubt hindering my abilities because I insist on being under confident?

Learning is a complex, but it often happens without conscious recognition; it is something we do everyday without thought. I wondered how it was possible to even begin learning anything, how is learning made easy or completed by the brain. Well, after studying Psychology I know the scientific facts of how the brain absorbs and retains information; written, spoken, memories and actions. I have learnt about Neurons, Neural pathways and Synapses. Yet, how does what we learn, see or do actual stick; what acts do we complete whilst learning something to make the physical processes in the brain kick in?

I considered the theory of ‘brain plasticity’, I wondered if it were applicable. Put simply this theory states; plasticity is something that occurs when we engage in new learning and experience, the brain begins to establish neural pathways to compensate. Neural pathways or circuits are routes made of inter-communicating neurons. These routes are created in the brain through learning and practice; like retreading a path. Visual and auditory cortex’s can be involved in the process, as well as muscle memory. The more you revisit the new experience or learning activity, the stronger the connections become, the more efficient they are made and the faster cognition will become.

Sounds simple enough right?! Well, I now have begun to wonder if my brain has lost out on this plasticity malarkey. Just how much brain plasticity I have in reference to being able to learn new language skills?

Now I haven’t completed a scientific test, but surely not all people are able to learn and perfect everything? The scientific theory seems to make it all sound so easy; the old adage of practice makes perfect resonates throughout it. Yet, what if the practice itself is difficult? What if you prefer something more than the other, won’t that effect what and how you learn? How is it that I can read or watch something I find interesting in English, and retain the information immediately, and in Spanish I feel as though my brain resists the information and learning process?

Are some areas of learning or things to be learnt, just out of bounds for some people? I mean not everyone can dance, play guitar, recall their maths times tables; so cannot that be true of language?

I feel there is always a piece of the learning process missing when it comes to practising Spanish. I know practice and effort are the key, but also self belief, confidence and understanding what we are learning have importance too. Maybe they hold more importance than the actual effort and practice. From experience repetition and effort doesn’t always succeed in making learning kick in and stick. Or could it be that once you get past your teens learning becomes more difficult; because finding the time and head space to fully dedicate yourself, and concentrate completely on learning something new becomes more scarce?

Anyway, I intend to put the theories to the test, on myself in any-case. I have the opportunity to do so as the Intercambio meeting went well, and I will be meeting with a couple of people on a regular basis to practice Spanish. Hopefully I can then shock my brain into action or reaction! I don’t really want to seriously consider the fact that my brain might not have the capacity to learn a new language; that thought doesn’t appeal to me. I feel there has to be a way! I will therefore use all the learning techniques available to encourage plasticity. After all, I am Mistress over my own brain, or am I?

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Who Is Being Allowed To Redefine Normal: Women The Endangered Species – A Life In Vain

Google search results for websites:

Those displaying Anorexia – 32,500,000
Those displaying Pro-ana websites – 8,530,000
Pro-ana tips – 2,840,000
Those displaying ‘thinspiration’ – 2,700,000

……And those displaying ‘curvaceous women’ – 3,950,000

Women with ‘lovely lady lumps’ are indeed outnumbered, maybe they are even becoming an endangered species.

I have become quite obsessed with body image lately, seemingly revisiting my own troubled teen years, but looking at it all through very different eyes now I have gained life experience. I am more analytical of what I once took to be the truth about what women should be. I am fortunately no longer crippled with self-doubts and hatred, albeit, even I’ll admit it is difficult to keep a healthy mind and attitude with the constant bombardment of what we now call ‘normal’. It has reached new heights, far and beyond more extreme than it ever it was when I was a teen (which isn’t that long ago let me add)! So, if I struggle as a grown woman to see myself as a complete person, even though I am not a size 8 and below, then how do the teens of today cope?

I have been doing some research, looking at and listening to; websites, photographs, opinions and documentaries. I have looked at UK Parliament Publications, Mind, Clinical Knowledge Summaries (CKS) Service, B-eat UK and also pro-ana sites (which I am not prepared to name here for concern of promoting such sites). I have seen the fashion shoots of Solve Sundsbo shown in ‘V’ magazine of normal women with curves, Dove’s ‘real women’ campaign and considered the successes of Beth Ditto and Adele. I read about celebrities who struggle with, and eventually succumb to losing the pounds such as; Kelly Clarkson, Kourtney Kardashian, Jennie Garth, Bryce Dallas, Kelly Osbourne; and even Lady Gaga. I have watched ‘Living with Size Zero’, ‘The Truth About Size Zero’ with Louise Redknapp, Dawn Porter’s ‘Super Slim Me’, ‘Dying To Be Anorexic’, ‘Anorexia’s Living Face’ CBS News about Isabelle Caro’s struggle, ‘The truth About Online Anorexia’ with Fern Cotton, Jennifer Livingston’s response to being bullied about being ‘fat’, ‘Supersize v’s Superskinny’, so on and so on.

The amount of information available and the opinions on the content is vast and confusing. It seems starving to be thin is OK, as long as no one really discusses the effects; mental and physical (using Isabelle Caro as an example; how shocked the world was to see what starvation had done to her body, and yet in other ways we are happy to promote such actions. It is all very contradictory, so is there such a thing as too thin? The fashion industry may not think so, but there are people out there who do and are at last being heard.

So why would the average woman, and by that I mean every woman who will by definition of being a woman, have curves; want to destroy her body to re-gain the body of a teen, or of a prepubescent girl? Who would want to have the body and measurements of a seven year old? Why is that deemed attractive, the ideal model and ‘norm’? Why would anyone starve and make themselves so miserable, weak and unhealthy just to have the waist-line of a child; to become a size 8 or below when that is a highly unrealistic goal for them? Since when did exercising daily, eating healthily, taking all things in moderation become the route to being a painfully thin young woman, with unhealthy body and food relationships?

Surely there is still a place for flesh on women’s bones?

Women should have curves, and frankly what is being classed as ‘obese’ these days is ludicrous, and damaging for peoples psyche; hence the confusion over ‘normal’. A size 14 is seen as ‘fat’! Why? When did that become OK as the new rule? Who was responsible for making that rule?

There is no doubt people are being sent mixed messages about what is healthy and normal; vulnerable girls and boys see it everyday, so why do we wonder that so many people are dying to be thin. One minute size zero is terrible, the next, size 14 is obese; who can win the battle of the waist-lines with this destructive attitude being forced on us all. Yet it isn’t just size zero, now we see size 8 as curvy, when I was a teen size 10/12 was the ‘norm’, now size 8 is the ideal of the curvy woman. Yeah, if you happen to be petite, great; I have a niece who is a size 8 and is petite beyond belief, she still eats and drinks like a horse though. The reason, size 8 is her natural frame for her body shape! It isn’t normal for every woman out there though!

If celebrities and people in general stray off extreme diet paths they soon gain weight, and quickly. Yet, the weight gain is more shocking than their lack of weight and the reasons behind it. Maybe their initial weight was too low to be sustainable; their diet and exercise regime too restrictive and unreal. Isn’t having children also a time of normal weight gain for women? Yet even that is shunned and a disgrace.

What then is so abnormal about gaining weight? Every week a new celebrity is seen larger than before, because they are failing to cope with what the world dictates they should be naturally, and they are not! The weight they gain is seen as gargantuan and unhealthy, but no doubt nothing more than again, a size 14, as the camera is said to also add 10 pounds to the body. If in reality everyone is struggling to remain unnaturally thin, and what appears as their natural thinness is a sham, a lie; then their weight gain merely takes them back to the size they should be!

Look at Christina Aguilera at the moment. I applaud how she is embracing her body as a 31 year old mother and enjoying being curvy. I hope she doesn’t cave in to the mounting pressure and relent to revert to her teen image. Which, people also censured as too thin!

Christina Aguilera now

Christina Aguilera as she was in her early career.

I know there are some people who once they gain weight, do become far larger than Christina, but it is no wonder. In the spot light, their heads must be ruined; all the pressure to conform to, the rules they must obey, the ideals of others they have to attain. How can they know what a healthy food relationship is? Yet, it is as equally unhealthy to starve; eating only 800 calories a day, exercising obsessively, seeing protruding bones, skin and hair falling from the body and having no periods. Being ‘obese’ or too ‘thin’; neither extreme is healthy, yet one gets more encouragement as normal, acceptable and healthy than the other.

I know there will always be people who think ‘fat’ is bad. Kate Moss may believe the mantra: ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’, but then whenever I see a picture of her face (without airbrushing), it tells the true story of not eating, clearly enough. She maybe a size of a child, but her face isn’t as youthful. It is just so darn sexy substituting food for alcohol, drugs and nicotine! It’s a glamorous life she leads, yeah, the life of an addict; substituting food for every other prop she can find. Ralph Lauren may have famously airbrushed a model to look so thin that her head was wider than her waist; it says freak show to me, it says he likes to make women look like a joke. It is not a ‘must have’ look, it is not healthy or sexy!

It is the insistence that thin is healthy, and fat of any description is bad, which perpetuates ‘sick’ and destructive thoughts in the younger generations. People can insist they are a size zero and don’t starve themselves, but after watching Louise Redknapp and Dawn Porter both struggle to try to become a size zero, I’m not so sure. Losing weight, restricting calories below a healthy level, and exercising 52 hours a week, hearing what the experts said people do to become a size zero; how unhealthy it is, what damage it causes and how it can kill them. Well I think that is not how a healthy life should be led. Why is eating so unhealthy? People eat, as humans we should, because without it we’d die. It is normal not to eat, but not normal to survive off apples and cucumbers, black coffee and cigarettes!

There are pro-ana and thinspiration sites which help to encourage extreme thinness, as opposed to being a healthy weight. As I have already mentioned previously, I won’t give the addresses or names of these websites in this post. On these sites ‘fat’ women or girls, are encouraged with hints and tips, and the mutual bonding, and understanding of a friendly support system, so they can shed astronomical pounds. It is basically camaraderie of death that is being publicly flaunted. Then there are message boards on ordinary sites in response to articles about weight issues; how distorted people’s views are about being ‘over weight’! I was shocked to read them! People don’t realise that thin models can be ill, anorexic, bulimic, and airbrushed. It seems at every turn normal women are being rejected by an ever harsher societal view of once again, female beauty.

Yet, who is anyone to be a judge and jury; no one is perfect. To blatantly authorise women to kill themselves in pursuit of thinness is ghastly though; morbid and akin to genocide. We ignore these issues every day, and everyday someone becomes victim to anorexia and someone will die as a result of that illness. How is that OK, but being ‘curvy’ isn’t?! Priorities and very wrong, spring to mind.

What is this hate campaign waged on normal women? Lack of food and nutrition kills too, not just ‘obesity’, and it will store up trouble for any woman in the future; low Estrogen levels, infertility, brittle bones, heart disease, wasted muscles (including the heart), kidney failings, and so and so on.

No wonder our children suffer with body issues if the media and world at large project this ‘norm’ onto them. We have a responsibility to readjust body image back to healthy, but we refuse.

We keep reaffirming there is a boundary between; merely thin, losing a bit of weight, counting our calories, increasing the exercise, avoiding eating in public, and being anorexia, but I don’t know anymore. What constitutes a disorder, what qualifies you to fit into food disorder statistics? Is it merely a BMI under 18? There isn’t one person I know who hasn’t some issue with food in one way or another, or issues with themselves and their own body image; so what do these statistics mean when everyone is engaging in some form of abnormal act or relationship with food and their own bodies? Are what we see on thinspiration sites, ordinary chat sites, celebrity sites that pull women apart for being a woman to blame; or is it complex internal and genetic issues that spark food and body issues? Who can be sure for all cases?

So much nonsense saturates into the public domain every day, now our view of ‘normal’ is skewed. What people aspire to be is skewed, as we as a society have become increasingly; obsessed, restrictive, and denying our bodies nutrition for the sake of thinness. So what is so unnatural and wrong if we are seeing it promoted everywhere, hearing about and seeing websites dedicated to extremely thin ‘inspirational’ role models?

Maybe this is the new normal; thin, ill, underweight and so on? It will be, if we cannot curb our hatred towards difference and real women, and quit the morbid fascination with skeletal women.

I’m not saying naturally thin women should be scorned or reviled with disgust either, but neither should everyone above a size 8! Who perhaps doesn’t fit this thin mould we are all pressing as the norm. If we continue this way then it will be the norm for young people from now until eternity; always subjected to hating themselves, pulling their minds and bodies apart, making themselves ill, punishing others to succumb too, and even killing themselves. This viscous circle will never end.

If we are happy with that, happy to kill off the next generation of women and men who become afflicted by body issues, then we should by all means carry on this way. Yet, I would rather see someone eat, be happy with themselves and to live their lives; rather than starve and be miserable, feel pain, waste their lives revolving around food and body issues, only to then die an even more miserable death. All of it in vain.

Is this image grotesque? Does it portray a ‘fat’ or ‘normal woman?’

What about this woman?

Are these images inspirational? Is this the face and body of ‘normal’?

Below are some interesting statistics on Eating Disorders; food for thought for us all –

UK Parliament – Publications:
The amount of people suffering has increased from 419 in 1996-97 to 620 in 2004-05.
These figures only represent individual cases admitted into NHS hospitals in England (not the whole of the UK).

Clinical Knowledge Summaries (CKS) Service:
The highest rates of anorexia are seen in female teenagers aged between 13 and 19, with 51 per of 100,000 cases being seen each year.

Approximately 10% of cases of anorexia arise in men.

Around 5% of cases of anorexia will be fatal.

Currently, in developing countries and black communities, anorexia nervosa appears to be somewhat rare.

Mind UK:
In the UK, 1 in 100 women aged between 15 and 30 suffers from anorexia.

Reports show girls as young as five years of age have weight concerns, and think about going on a diet.

There are many documentaries on Youtube regarding children anorexia sufferers. Very upsetting, but honest.

B-eat UK:
‘The most accurate figures we are aware of are those from the National Institute of Health and Clinical Excellence. These suggest that 1.6 million people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder, of which around 11% are male. However, more recent research from the NHS information centre showed that up to 6.4% of adults displayed signs of an eating disorder (Adult Psychiatric Morbidity Survey, 2007). This survey also showed that a quarter of those showing signs of an eating disorder were male, a figure much higher than previous studies had suggested’.

Thank you for reading my post, I hope it has given you something to consider?
Leave comments below please!

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Nosotros no hablamos Inglés..….well, I only speak Spanglish, as English is my comfort blanket.

I have been thinking about living in Madrid, about learning the Spanish language and communication skills; how not being able to fully express myself in Spanish is often frustrating, and how I am reacting to having the comfort blanket of my native language taken away from me.

I recently read a blog by latinaish, the post was called ‘hablar o No hablar?’ I could identify with some of the points she raised. I felt inspired to offer a little bit of my own experience in learning a new language, and then trying to practice and use what I have learnt.

The people I have come into contact with in Madrid either speak no English, or have some command of the language. The younger generations have learnt English in school, but even they are quite self-conscious, under confident, shy or under practiced to use the English language. It is one thing to hear it spoken on a television programme or in a class room, and then to use it for real in a situation that isn’t scripted. I feel the same about Spanish; from the moment I begun learning the language I felt I ought to be immediately 100% proficient, and believed that in only a couple of months I would be reading Shakespeare in Spanish and debating politics! I was setting myself up for failure though, over pressuring myself to be word perfect on a two hour a week lesson!

I think I under estimated how important it is to be heard, to be understood and to interact. It is something I took for granted being an English speaker in the UK. It is an important part of our every-day, yet it is something we just do and think little of. I have never been the type of person to remain quiet in social situations, my life and work has always dictated otherwise. Yet, here in Madrid I find myself on the verge of becoming someone I thought I wouldn’t be; afraid to speak out!

I strongly believe the key to language is confidence and practice, without these you fail to even give yourself the right frame of mind to absorb all you are learning. Don’t get me wrong, I have learnt a lot, and when I look back I cannot believe how far I have come. Especially as Spanish is a language I wasn’t affiliated with at all back in the UK, it was alien to me; no music or programmes in Spanish, in school we learnt French and Welsh as second languages, and I didn’t know any Spanish speakers. In a situation where you move countries, and are literally beginning again, there are so many things to adjust to; and the language is one of many, but the most important. I am in Spain therefore I need to speak Spanish! Life is difficult unless you are prepared to at least try to speak, and without confidence you are in trouble.

I feel learning a language should have been easy for me; my Mother’s family are fluent in Welsh, my Grand Mother is proficient in French and my Grand Father speaks Irish Gaelic! Yet, none of these people saw fit to pass along their knowledge! All of what has been learnt stays with them, they have chosen, even when they could have, not to teach others! Even learning that second language in school was difficult, it had a stigma attached. It is ridiculous to recall that 13 and 14 year olds attitude, but it wasn’t deemed cool. So, I scuppered my own learning when I had the chance, even though I was actually in top sets for both languages, and of course English. Yet, I refused to continue with learning a second language when I was given the option to. I wish I could return to that moment in time and say, ‘wake up fool you’ll need those languages one day and regret it’. I try not to regret anything, as the decision was made for a reason by a person I used to be, but I do regret that.

I know have a renewed opportunity to learn a second language, and I feel my mind and brain battle me all the way. Not because I can’t, but because I feel, just like the Spanish might about English; under confident in my abilities. I feel like a fool using a language I have such a small capacity to communicate fully in. I am frustrated; I understand written and even spoken Spanish (some people speak so fast it is difficult, but I will always get the gist of a conversation), yet, I cannot reply adequately or quickly enough! I speak so slowly, my mind translating everything and it often then forgets the initial question!!!! I feel stupid, like a little kid; so used to being eloquent in English I am struggling to prise myself away from my comfort blanket. It’s the feeling of beginning again; having the language ability of not even a 4 year old, it frightens me!

Language is complex, and how we absorb it is a complex process too. Maybe I am on a back-foot; I am not married to a native Spanish man, my friends here speak great English, which they have been learning and practicing since they were 11. I don’t like Spanish TV or music (sorry!), and I have no family members to pass on to me their built up knowledge. Yet, I think I have overcome obstacles as I have needed to, even as a complete beginner, but now my internal doubt is beginning to rear its head, and hamper my progress!

You see it is this confidence in speaking that troubles me. In Madrid I feel ridiculous going out and just striking up a conversation for the sake of it with a stranger, yet, if I could speak the language well enough I would! It is not that I am adverse in challenging myself; I speak whenever I can to whoever I can, I order food, food shop, visit the local markets, go out to have drinks, travel alone, shop for clothes and wander around the city. Basically I do whatever I would do naturally at home in the UK. In fact being in Madrid feels more like home than the UK, so it isn’t as though I feel uncomfortable. I love travelling, meeting new people and having new experiences; yet for all of this I am in a rut of self-conscious under confidence, which is not usual to me. I could literally slap myself for it!

I am so used to speaking to new people, my education and work has always dictated that; working in communities, for local Government and National Government projects, charities, and even as a tutor. Language is and always has been my strong hold though, and that is the problem; without my comfort blanket here in Madrid I feel I have lost my niche, my ability, a fundamental part of me! Who am I without my own language?!

When I do speak though, I am not a complete lost cause, I am usually understood! People have even mistaken me for a Spanish senorita! When out and about I am spoke to, I am asked various questions; when I say I am not Spanish or explain I am currently leaning the language they then look at me as though I am lying, I have to be Spanish! It is as though I am at odds; I seem Spanish, but I am not Spanish, I speak, but then I am too shy, I experience the new, but afraid of what might happen. Learning a language seems full of complex contradictions, it is easy to give advice and say what should be done, but every person reacts differently. I just wish there was magic spell to help me fathom it all out and send me on my way!

What I know I don’t want is to leave Madrid, and again, feel I have scuppered my own learning, feel bad about not just getting on with it like everyone else does! I want to liberate myself from my internal voice of doubt, I want to break free and learn! Yet, actions speak louder than words right?! I think I just need a final push, and one day it’ll click and make sense. Or, maybe I’ll wake up like Brendon Fraser in ‘Bedazzled’, and just be able to speak Spanish because of a magic spell! One can at least live in hope!

See below link for ‘Bedazzled’ Brendan Fraser and his miraculous ability to speak fluent Spanish! Extremely funny clip for all those frustrated in learning a new language!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd2RR4bO_9g&feature=related (link courtesy of memoring)

Please leave me your comments with your thoughts, experiences and any advice! Thanks for reading!

Learning; not just relegated to the classroom.

Above image from: simonox found on http://letspracticepresenttenses.blogspot.com.es

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.