That’s Right!

I may have been missing the freedom I had working for myself in Madrid, but now I feel a sense of relief wash over me at least.

Yes, I have a new job!

Even though I currently work from home, the majority of the time, I didn’t feel clinical research and policy was really adding the sugar to my spice! Plus of course regardless whether I am working from home, I still had to deal with ‘The Fools’.

Now though I merely smile and think I’ll be gone soon! All because I’ve been offered a job I just couldn’t refuse, which now enables me to say adios to ‘The Fools’; hoping I don’t encounter more fools in my new destination. Yes, I get to move onwards and upwards once more!!

“I’m so happy…..come along if you feel happiness is for you……I’m so happy!”

 

 

What Does Change Mean To You?

Here is a little something to ponder……………………………….

A New Year, A New Rant

How was New Years Eve?? Did you have fun and celebrate in style?? Then, when the clock struck 12:00 you beat yourself up for allowing you, and your life, to be such a failure during the past year?? Did you then vow to stick to your new year resolutions, the resolutions that would ensure that in 2014 you become a better person???

Oh dear.

I know New Years Eve can be a strange time. It can often spark melancholy, regret, reflecting on all kinds of good and bad experiences and emotions. We all reconsider what the past year brought us, and how we lived our lives. Can this reflection help us in the new year to come though??? Can regret ever be healthy?

I am not going to tell you to make resolutions or not make them. I’m not going say that 2014 will be your year, that you have the power to transform and achieve. Personally I don’t get all that. I see all of that as negative life assassination, and unnecessary pressure. It is assuming that with the new year we will suddenly all transform and morph into wonder women or men. In 2014 we will definitely be destined to become another person, a wonderful person, in fact a person you were probably never actually meant to be.

Resolutions are very like false promises.

Why is it we always allow ourselves to perceive that the previous year was a failure, a let down, we didn’t perform and weren’t good enough? Isn’t that really what the notion of resolutions allude to – we are all failures, and therefore are required to modify and rectify that at all cost? Why can’t we just be us, and not need to change a thing?

Isn’t the notion of changing, of morphing, of transforming just a little bit delusional?? Just because it is a new year doesn’t mean anything has fundamentally changed. We are still, by virtue of our genetics, who we were upon birth; we haven’t grown extra limbs or suddenly become impervious to disease. We can’t shrug off the past; we all have our individual life experiences, thoughts, ideas, desires and so on.

Why is it with a new year we then become washed clean??

Or, more importantly, why do we want to be??

Isn’t life, from one year to the next, merely about the experiences we have and share, the learning curve, the path we travel, the thoughts and desires, hopes and dreams we harbour?

Isn’t life about those things??

To say we can be transformed, and washed clean assumes that we can all be famous artists, discover the cure for cancer, travel into space, be elected to Government, be an Olympian or whatever else! We are, most of us, normal folk with normal lives – average wages, children, mortgages and wrinkles. No amount of new years will ever change that either!!! We will never really transform.

So, why torture ourselves with pie in the sky -‘this year will be different’ – NO IT WON’T BE!!!!

Sorry, I get that positive thinking and hope are a great combination to have on your side in life, and I do adopt their principles as much as I can. However, I am also a realist and a little sceptical. I wonder how much we can actually change, transform, morph, and wonder if we really want to? If we don’t achieve, create, progress, succeed, dominate and control (or whatever!!!!) why is it seen so negatively? Why is it we can’t be just satisfied with being us?

This year I’m not going to become a millionaire, a success or even a glamour model who adorns the covers of popular magazines. I know that isn’t going to be what 2014 has in store for me.

I know it’ll be more of the same; living day to day, trying to survive, building relationships, trying to maintain motivation, good health and keeping some faith in me and what I want; basically boring stuff, not very inspiring or exciting!!! So, doesn’t matter how much I wish for miracles, money, fame and whatever else, it doesn’t mean it will come to fruition!!

I can make a million resolutions, but it doesn’t mean I can or will fundamentally change!

I’m just trying to say; be real, be kind to yourself and stop applying the pressure to be what you’re not. ALSO, stop viewing you and your life as a failure thus far, see your life as experience and a journey (which won’t be over, until it is over, and your six foot under). Stop stalling with resolutions and waiting for another new year to come and go; live without military precision, live and have fun amassing experiences to reflect on, not to feel negative and guilty about!

Live your life now, while it is here, and see what it brings you! All the ups and downs are welcome, it is life and you can’t just pick and choose the best bits and edit the rest, it isn’t a script after all!

Let 2014 be what it will be – life as we know it!

Where’s Autumn?!

Dear Autumn,

RE: Where Are You This Year?

I write to you with a grave concern I felt compelled to express. I am consumed with sorrow, because of your absence.

May I enquire, why have you decided not to visit Madrid this year? What have we, the people of the city, done to offend you?!

It is the MOST horrible thing about living in Madrid, the fact I rarely have the opportunity to enjoy your company.

There has been this year, as last, a distinct lack in seasonal change, which is once again intolerable. In fact the only season that seems to last the duration here is summertime. Summertime never knows when it is polite moment to leave!

Snow, well, that too would be some kind of miracle. I think I saw some last year, but it was similar to someone with bad dandruff shaking their head nearby. Madrid’s version of snow sucks, just like their version of ‘Autumn’.

You Autumn are merely Autumn in name alone, and you should be ashamed of that fact!

The sun is unashamed, it remains fixed in the blue sky, mocking anyone who wants to feel a cold northernly wind scratch at their face! The temperature still hovers around 25 degrees, even though everyone walks around in coats, with runny noses, colds, and coughs. They, like me are willing you to put in an appearance and offer reprieve. Yet, regardless of this, you Autumn, are NOWHERE to be seen!

This for me is sorely disappointing. I mean, how can I truly enjoy Halloween, the highlight of your season, without a chill in the air, without a sense of the eerie or melodramatic?

It is unnatural, celebrating Halloween in a tee-shirt, and probably shorts. It sucks!  This suckiness is something YOU Autumn, are responsible for!

I want the cold, the rain, the icy mornings, the crisp evenings, the purple and red leaves, the thick wooly hats and scarfs, the coats, the extra socks and cold nose, seeing my breath in the air and feeling winter is on its way!

What is extra odd though, whilst mentioning the changes in leaf colour, or absence of such; that even if you Autumn are confused about the date, the tress aren’t. OK there are no dramatic leaf colour changes, because of your late arrival Autumn, but nevertheless the leaves vacate their branches. I feel deprived when leaves merely fade from green to brown, as here in Madrid, they just curl up and die! Every leaf on every tree falls by the wayside, they slowly just decide to give up the ghost! They realise it is October and they should be shed already, they hurry in their departure.

You see the trees know the seasons, even if the weather does not! Yet, you Autumn haven’t been involved at all, shame on you for shirking your responsibilities!

What I want, what I miss is the cold, is the sign Summer is over. So, please, please, please Autumn let it be cold soon!! I have had enough of the heat, the dry scorching air, the dusty roads, the parched vegetation, the hardly there attire!

You know what, to add insult to Autumns injury, today I saw a butterfly flutter past me whilst I was walking to the university! Yes, there it was as bold as brass, basking in the afternoon sun. It was just like summertime, summertime in the very nearly middle of October! Despicable! Absolutely despicable! What do you think Autumn? Are you now fully shamed into making your appearance?

Anyway, if you are by chance reading this, belated Autumn, get your bottom in gear and hurry up and arrive! Better late than never!

Yours sincerely,
A frustrated city dweller.

Oh Dear, I’m In Trouble.

Just want to follow up on my last post.

What can I say, sorry perhaps for concerning and worrying family members who read it, and thought it pertained to my current relationship with my boyfriend.

It didn’t.

I don’t want to excuse my writing the post though, as it is my blog and it is where I commit feelings, thoughts, concerns, ideas and so on and so on. Also, I often include generic scenarios, and ‘Devil Advocate’ posts too. Not everything I write is personal or indeed about one person I know or about my family, friends or boyfriend.

I would never write about anything as personal on my blog anyway! Reason being, well, people do get the wrong end of the stick, that is natural!

The reason for writing my last post, was merely for it to be read, and to receive comments. Also it was a chance for me to perhaps clear some long languishing emotional cobwebs. As those who read regularly know I am on a mission to change, and also progress. I write every post as a kind of therapy, for me, and not necessarily for the reader to like or even identify with. Writing is after all a personal pursuit.

I feel a little upset that the post was interpreted wrongly, as this could have caused me some trouble, and upset. Yet, I hope this explanation will clarify, what my previous post did not.

The post wasn’t intended to discuss one person, but things that have occurred to me or been said to me from time to time, in varied situations.

For reference, my boyfriend and I are not perfect, then what couple are?! We do have our share of problems, arguments and general ‘argh’ moments, but after many, many years I deem that quite acceptable.

Thanks all for reading, and hopefully this now makes sense.

My New Blogs!

Hi all,

I just wanted to let you know I have begun a new blog dedicated solely to fashion.

Please take a look!!! I know fashion blogging won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but please pass on my new site to anyone you think would be interested. I would appreciate ALL of your support!!!!

So, after deliberating on addresses and names and so on – I have gone with ‘i of fashion’ at http://bbhough.wordpress.com

I have been mulling over the idea of a fashion blog for a long time, and have decided to give it a go and see what happens. So, I am ‘officially’ a fashion blogger now!!!!!

So, keep your eyes peeled for more fashion articles on bbhough.wordpress.com!!!!

Many thanks,

Bex

A Helping Hand

Recently I have been speaking to people about what is takes to help them help themselves through certain situations, which are impacting upon their lives and well-being.

This is a personal issue really, one that involves not just other people, but also myself. I have realised, for some time actually, that this notion of ‘helping yourself’, is something of a hurdle for me at the moment too.

Now I know I am really good at lending helping hands to other people, it had been part and parcel of my many job descriptions over the years, and I did it without question. Providing advice, options, sign posting, information, listening and even comforting others; yet, helping myself to progress, to move on, to find direction, right now I seem unable to, I am beginning to fail myself.

We all find there are times when we have lost ourselves, some control and direction. How do we regain focus and find what we have misplaced????? Is it a case of actions speaking louder than words, or is it that once we find ourselves stuck – we remain so???

Do we all need a helping hand, a sign to show us the way sometimes?? Or is all that help and direction laying dormant within us, and waiting for us to actually see and hear it – rather than insisting upon searching beyond ourselves for answers???

Taking some time out to do what you want, or to think about what it is you want from your life – has to be a good thing, we all need time out. Time out can help us to regain our life’s compass settings. Time out takes you out of you, and the situation you find yourself in – it can help us to see things clearer – to then perhaps progress.

I think thinking is great, but doing something is too. Yet, how do you know what to do and when to do it – how can we know how if we are lost??? Is it just finding a reason to want to do something, and begin the ball rolling, which will help us to then move on and find what is missing in us and our lives? Can we then escape the pit that our lives have fallen into??

What if you don’t want to help yourself though, or more poignantly, can’t help yourself – how can you then progress and move on???

If there is help available for you to help yourself then take it! Yet, help isn’t always there – so what do you do then??

If you don’t know your direction in life; I empathise, as neither do I!!! Nothing I do or think changes this either – it seems complex, unless I am over thinking it all!!!!!!

I am stuck with uncertainties regarding my future, just as anyone could be. Only difference is I know about it in advance, and others might not have this insight so early on. Can I change anything about what might happen to me, well, I have tried.  Have I tried hard enough though, no not really – I have been lazy too long a time.

I now find myself wondering if I have the ability to take back my life and direction. So, what happens – depends on IF
I want to help myself or whether I just continue to sit back, and let MY life slide out of view (well, eventually, perhaps).

Sorry to be angst ridden and depressive, no one likes negative moaners right? Yet, sometimes, I feel like airing my laundry publicly and admitting – I have issues too!!!!! I am stuck, lost and confounded. I require a sign post, a helping hand. I don’t have all the answers I might need. I don’t have all the strength I might need to find my way either.

I admit that, so what??? Turn your back and think pathetic fool? Or, just maybe you get what I feel, and can lend that helping hand as I know I have, and would time and time again.

Yet, you are not me……………….

…………………………………………..and I am not you.

My Unique Selling Point

Image from: http://www.inboundpro.net

Having been a little angry recently, OK very angry recently, I thought I’d attempt to change my tune before I implode!! Hehe!!

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t resolved the issues that have prodded at my anger. I can’t yet, but I can at least try to delve into the positive side of life for a while to help me forget the bad 🙂

So, I began thinking about my ‘UNIQUE SELLING POINT’!!

In this post my USP is only for my reference, and not meant to impress or ‘WOW’ outside influences by relating to them my amazingness (I jest)!!! At this moment I just want to think about what I like about me, whether others will share the same opinion of me, who knows, I can’t say for sure!

USP is usually something economists or career guidance people chat about. It is unique to you, so only you know what makes you unique 🙂 In that, there is no wrong or right!!!! Yippeee!!!!! In this post I am assuming you are the product you are trying to sell to the world – which is I suppose exactly what we are and what we try to do!!

USP is important stuff then? Well, it is drawing others attention to your value or what you have that they need.

Yet, I do question it, just a teensy-weensy bit!!! Why should USP be used to buy and sell who you are – why should it be used to get others to invest in you??? Can’t it just be for you and you alone??? I mean if they need a USP to believe in you, then it says more about them that it does about you.

Anyway, just for the sake of this post, I am going to reveal (ta-da!!!) my USP. Even though I sometimes question the purpose of such one sided mechanisms of value, I do think it has a place in some circumstances (fickle eh? Not to be included in my USP)!!!! I suppose I just want to ensure we don’t become hung up on such things; it will never be the end of the world if a USP reveals we are not ALL singing and dancing geniuses!!!

OK – lets talk ME!!!! I feel I have many qualities depending on the circumstances those qualities are being assessed within. I think it isn’t so easy to sum up everything I have to offer the world (see, I can be positive when I need to be)!!!!!!

Anyway just to appease the topic of this post here are some of my USP’s (you might or might not be interested)!!!

**I am great at adapting to any situation**

**I am excellent at communication ~ I love to talk & explain**

**I am empathetic and can listen to what is being said**

**I can sing (oh yes I can)!**

**I have lived in the real world (interpret that how you want to)**

**I have a capacity to learn things & very quickly**

**I have a god memory, especially for faces (I should have joined the police)**

**I possess intuitive skills, which have helped me out on many occasions**

**I am affable, but not weak**

So, these are some of my USP’s;

BUT, WHAT ARE YOURS?????????????????????

What do you have to offer that makes you stand out from the herd????

What makes you you???? 

Do you ever consider your USP????

Welcome To No Sleep Anonymous……..

Awake and counting the hours till Dawn……….

Well, I have to say I am physically exhausted and now must be running on adrenalin. I am not sleeping very well at night; in fact I deem 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep as Heavenly bliss!

What the Hell is going on I don’t know, and I don’t like it either.

I can only think it is my brain to blame. I have had this problem off and on throughout my life, and it seems to coincide with having too much going on in my life at one time. I can’t seem to flick the off button on my brain; consequently my mind runs on, and on, and on – all day and all night.

I know it is no good for me, I mean when I was 14 and 15 in school no sleep meant nothing, but now, ummm, its a big difference. I mean it isn’t as though I’m a big ‘mover and shaker’ in the world, but my world, doesn’t matter how small, means too much to me to waste it lying around on the couch and feeling like a zombie.

I envy people who can just switch off and sleep the sleep of the dead. Let me clarify, I don’t mean the actual dead, I mean a heavy sleep where nothing rouses the sleeper or disturbs them. I read how sleep is important to health, and we should all have 6-8 hours a night to maintain our well-being. OK, I get that, but is not as though I am avoiding sleep on purpose, if I could I would sleep, but I can’t!!! My body just won’t submit to sleep, not unless its 100% in the zone, and it never really is (does this make sense). I am like the ‘Princess and the Pea’; any little thing and my brain detects it as an annoyance. I then can’t settle.

I am so desperate to switch off, though I don’t advocate them, I have been day dreaming about sleeping tablets! The relief the thought of having them provides is weirdly comforting. I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, none of this is really consequential! It isn’t the end of the world, nobody has died and I am not facing mortal jeopardy. Yet, I think this all clearly explains my erratic mind, twitchy feeling of restlessness, my odd behaviour, apathy and lethargy towards everything, my wandering ideas and over sensitivity, oh and the sprinkling of paranoia.

Please let me sleep tonight, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

Is There Anybody Out There………

I could scream, but I won’t

I’m having a bit of a bad day today. Not feeling my usual jubilant and positive self, maybe the lack of sleep is eventually taking its toll upon me, who knows.

Anyway, I have been feeling quite disheartened about writing. Racking my brains and pulling my hair out over this whole quest of mine to ‘write’. Its not just the The Publishing Ladder
that is bugging me, as I have GIVEN UP on that for the time being; I can’t juggle what I have going on at the moment anyway!!!! I feel guilty enough that I am pouring my time, and energy into researching and writing, thinking and feeling the work, only to neglect most other things; including sleep and practising Spanish.

I wish there were at least 3 of me so I could do all the things I need to. Yes I am becoming a Bundle Of Nerves

Though, I try not to over think things and defeat myself, I do; it is just too easy a conquest.

Consequently today I am unenthusiastic, and to be honest angry. This has been building in me for a while. I have to say, or write, that I am fed up of being ignored, giving my best in things and being kicked to the curb (to reuse and over used Americanism). I am sick of feeling like a ‘poor relation’ over looked and under estimated.

I have raised questions that some don’t wish to answer, and that is fine, but I thought opinions were up for general discussion?? Or why else raise them?? Is merely concurring with one view the way it has to be?? I appreciate many views, but many people don’t seem to appreciate that way of being! What’s the golden handshake then? What am I missing???

Please enlighten me people before I truly do go crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is of course assuming anyone will ever read or comment on this drop in the ocean post of mine.

The end!