The Servitude Of Service

I possess a fascination for all things historical, but especially those things which relate directly to my own family history.

Unlike most of my peers I took an avid interest in the stories that my grandparents, and great grandparents imparted to me about our families lives. They talked of a different time, a different world, but nevertheless what once transpired, what became collective experience, created a sort of ripple effect upon the lives of subsequent generations. This impact was so severe, the effects remian evident today.

My family is of mixed heritage and fortune. Some are Irish, English and of course Welsh. They have been rich, poor, immigrants, miners, ladies maids, officers, gentlemen and in business. Some have lived abroad and others never left their home town. They spoke foreign languages and played musical instruments, skills which they never thought to teach to the next generation.

In all of this history, throughout all of the stories two threads were always woven the deepest; poverty and domestic service.

Apparently one in ten of the current UK population had an ancestor who worked as a domestic servant. Not so surprising I think considering the perpetual imbalance between wealth, the staunch class division and poor educational standards of the past, if not the present too.

Poverty was, and is of course very real. Although now there are mechanisms in place to help alleviate such misfortune, in my grandparents and great grandparents lifetime this was not always the case. It was a very real threat to be poor, to be below the bread-line.

People couldn’t survive on benefits, they didn’t truly exist as we take them for granted now. People had scant opportunities if they were poor, often becoming a domestic servant or indeed being admitted into a workhouse was their only option.

When people now think of domestic service, the imagery which might spring to mind is the popular Downtown Abbey series or, as I prefer the 1970s British television series Upstairs Downstairs.

Yet, neither of these programmes are a true reflection of what life was like as someone else’s servant.

Below stairs gossip, flirtation, autonomy, opinions, democracy, individuality, freedom, holidays, good food, parties and camaraderie are all fictitious story lines to create good television.

A servant was seen as the other, them, the underclass. Even looked down upon by fellow working class people in other professions.

Servants new their place. They didn’t deign to question their place or to challenge their betters in society. They were the silent majority in the UK workforce.

Mistreatment was normal. Sexual, physical and verbal abuse was common place, and not always at the hands of their ’employers’ either.

Servants were often under paid, they held no employment rights, they ate left overs, were permitted no free time or holidays, no sick leave and no entitlement to medical care. They could be sacked for illness or any minor misdemeanour without reference, they couldn’t marry, their wages would be docked for anything broken or food wasted. They were controlled by their masters and mistresses, but also by the strict hierarchy of the below stairs staff chain of command.

Plus, it was a 24/7 365 days a year job or grind, with no real scope to develop or progress.

The life of a servant in comparison to other people in other forms of employment was vast. Being a servant was a different kettle of fish. Nothing compared then or now to what these people experienced and were subjected to.

A good servant would be deferential, know and accept their place, display loyalty, follow unquestioningly, never be seen to want or expect more, surrender themselves to be used and abused.

All of this indoctrination still lingers somewhere in my genetics, so much so, it frightens me! Yet, it doesn’t inspire me to listen or to comply, but to rebel.

My families history in service heralds as a warning. It made my family question their status, life, desires and wants. They were not comfortable ‘doffing’ their cap to their betters. Subsequent generations learnt the lessons of those in service, they were inspired to be the complete opposite of what their heritage and ancestry had told them to be. No longer were they content to be seen as somehow less of a person because of their class. They wanted their children to achieve, to be educated, to progress to go out into the world and claim a stake of it for themselves.

This whole rebellion against servitude in service still remains, as I have stated previously. I know it is derived from, and linked to my families experiences as house-maids, laundry-maids, ladies-maids and cooks. I suppose such ingrained ideals and attitudes just can’t be over-thrown at once, they tend to make an impression.

I look at my ancestors lives and still think; no one will treat me like that, I won’t be anyone’s servant.

I suppose this attitude should be celebrated, but, it also has a sting in the tail. It could be seen as a ‘chip on my shoulder’.

Any time I perceive I am being treated like an underling, I cannot accept it, it infuriates me. I have actually left jobs because I felt as though I was being treated like a servant and not an employee! No, I was beaten or whatever else, but sometimes employers do treat staff like usable and abusable, never ending resources. They often forget we are humans with rights. It can be all too similar to how servants were treated in the employ of Lords and Ladies. The echoes of these times too close for my comfort. In my opinion the attitude of the ‘master of the house’ hasn’t altogether left society, merely mutated into another form of abuse of power.

Sometimes though, I find myself envying the servants life. It was certain, it was a path deemed destined and people knew nothing more. Their aspiration were not as complicated as ours are today, their disappointments therefore not as many. It was what it was, a means to an end.

All things considered we look back with the luxury of hindsight, and think that they had to be thoroughly miserable. Yet, I actually believe they wren’t.

Who are we to really judge their lives on our standards! The other side of the coin can present another set of questions; is it better to be master of your own uncertain life, or a servant knowing your place, your path? Or, is it the case that we are all merely servants conning ourselves into thinking we have miracously become the masters? What in fact are we masters of? In reality how far has society fundamentally progressed since the time of domestic service?

Servants and masters, masters and servants; isn’t it all really the same thing in today’s world?

Excuse Me!!!!

What bugs me most, well, OK this particular thing is not THE most annoying thing in the whole world, but  it is on my ’10 things I hate’ list. Don’t believe me, well, check it out; 10 Things I Hate.

So, what is this annoying ‘little’ oversight, well, a lack of MANNERS of course!!!!!!!!

Living in a city is never going to be picture book perfection, I’m not crazy enough to think it is. Not everyone will always don smiles from ear to ear or be pleasant and happy. Nor will they dance and swirl around as though they are part of the cast of some lavish musical. Yet, I didn’t realise that SO MANY people could leave their homes every morning, and FORGET that one essential thing that makes this world that more sweeter and bearable; their manners.

Who brought them up exactly, parents or vultures?

What effort or time does it t of to express gratitude with ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’, ‘excuse me’ – ermmm, NONE! Well, not for me anyway, it is automatic because I am not an inconsiderate, selfish oaf.

Everyday on the streets and Metro, in the stores and museums of Madrid there are idiots. These idiots blatantly go out of their way to annoy, to cause disruption and general angst – basically these idiots are pushing their luck! I have often wondered when, or indeed IF, someone will one day just snap, and slap them!!

To be honest – it sometimes begins to feel like a battle, a free for all, a power struggle, a dominance thing. Call me paranoid, but it is almost as though these people are trying to root out those who are weaker, those whose nerve will cave in quicker, those who are foolish enough do adhere to manners and good conduct. They, these aggressive and arrogant morons, can then laugh at such weak considerate and mannerly people, as they mow us down on the street with their heels, handbags, elbows, dogs, pushchairs and God knows what else!!!

Honestly, good manners and consideration must be a rare thing here in Madrid now, a thing which will very soon be extinct.

People push and shove; they barge right into me, physically knocking me out of their way. They think nothing of cutting me up on the walkways, so I nearly trip up. They hog all the walkway too, and often walk as slowly as snails because they act as though THEY own that piece of ground, and I am an intruder. These idiots just keep walking, and I mean walking at me and into me, just like they intend to mow me over (which they do). They expect me, to give way to them, to jump up out of their way like a fricken acrobat; just so they and their lazy butts can get past without disruption or inconvenience. What, so two steps to either the left or right of me on a walkway is such a inconvenience??? MENTAL!!!! Good God, there is plenty of room for EVERYONE to walk, yet these fools won’t give way, WHY???!!!! WTF???!!! They would prefer to see me lying on the floor with their footmarks all over my crumpled and bruised body – seriously, they need their heads reading!

People also are not adverse to sitting, standing or talking too close to my personal space (again, when there is NO need as there is plenty of room for us all to be in one place without sitting on each other)!!! Men will take the last seat on the Metro train while a woman stands up with shopping. Children bump into me, and play about without a care of whose foot they are trampling all over. Their parents, well, absent, and engaged in loud conversation about nonsense – too busy to tell their offspring ‘STOP IT’!!! People stare, really stare, the daggers are out type of stares! Honestly, I can be travelling on the Metro, minding my own business, and for the entire journey I can be stared at. These people thing nothing of wasting their time looking me up and down and up and down, as though I am some freak of nature. It is like I’m dressed in my underwear only, which is something I never do, and yet those who do dress like that NEVER get stared at. WHY?!!!!!

I am becoming a little more ARGHHH everyday – and I think, I shall be the one to slap the next person guilty of these crimes of ill mannerly foolishness.

So, take heed people of Madrid and BEWARE!!

Are We Calling Time On The Gentlemen?

In a recent interview Dita Von Teese (famous Burlesque Dancer), said she believes that ‘a gentleman is sexy’. Yet, aren’t such old-fashioned standards dead and forgotten by men, carried away by their expectations of a quick and easy one night tryst?! I wonder what qualities a man has to possess to constitute being classed a ‘gentleman’ these days? Hasn’t that ideal shifted and taken quite a severe dent? Even if gentlemen still exist, do women want one? Is there room for such men in today’s society?

I know I have been brought up a little old-fashioned. Instilled with manners, etiquette, principles, scruples and standards; in short I know how to behaviour in polite company, how to conduct myself. I in turn value these things in others, but it doesn’t make me any less forward thinking, liberal or liberated; I am outspoken (I can fight my corner like a tiger if needs be), I am not weak, submissive, dull, stupid, dependent or somehow sub normal. I know that for some women, the very notion of a man holding a door open for her is considered an outrage, a ghastly and degrading act; well, I respect such actions, as I would do the same for anyone myself! That act does not detract anything from my independence as a woman, who has rights. What puts me off is a lack of manners; ‘manners maketh the person’ after all. An example of such bad manners; a group of men who were happy to ogle at me, but then quickly enough barged me off the sidewalk and into the road so they could pass first, as though I was mere trash. Now that ladies is more degrading than a simple act of holding a door open out of mannerly courtesy.

Having manners, showing respect, being courteous and acting with dignity isn’t something to be viewed as suspicious, a clash with women’s rights, nor is it out of touch with modernity. I think it demonstrates the old adage, ‘do unto others as you would have done unto yourself’, at least until given a reason to do the contrary!

Now surely being a gentleman embodies such traits too? Official Oxford Dictionary definition of gentleman; ‘a chivalrous, courteous, or honourable man’, originated from Middle English (in the sense ‘man of noble birth’): in later use the term denoted a man of a good family.  So the term still bears the same qualitative meaning!

Consider momentarily a man who doesn’t demonstrate, dignity, respect, courtesy and manners; what type of lover would he make? These are essential elements in any would be relationship, without them you are just an object, and the man has no concern for you as a person at all. Why then do we so easily compromise on manners? Or gentlemanly qualities? Why do we forgive burly machismo, but abhor a man with kindly manners?

I know I’m not the only woman out there who is despondent with what seems to be the ‘show me your boobs’, drink until we collapse culture of today. When I see such leery and obnoxious men, this is when it is more obvious just how infrequently I get to see the species called gentlemen. This is when we all need to see the gentleman the most; to restore faith in all women, to show that not all men are just sex crazed idiots, who categorize women according to how good their breast look. That there are many men out there who are genuine, do care and that can treat women like human beings, not just objects.

With all things considered I believe there are gentlemen out there in the world, I have seen the proof. They are not the Prince who will whisk you away on a white horse into the sunset, but real men; men who value women, and don’t compromise their manners, courtesy or respect towards other people. Gentlemen are something worth vindicating, valuing and celebrating; a world without them would be a world lacking much-needed class.

Below pic:  Gentlemen, just a thing of the past???

As ever I would like to have your opinions on this topic please.

Leave your comments below, thanks 🙂

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