When is Honesty The Best Policy???

This is a strange question to ask and you might be thinking; ‘we all know in our hearts and minds what honesty is and how to apply it carefully to any given situation’, but maybe that in itself is being dishonest?

Shouldn’t we be completely open, never holding back, let it all go for all to see all of the time??? Isn’t that the way not to deceive people??

Or, is a direct question then deserved of a direct answer; then we can and will tell the truth??

Are we naturally more honest in some situations and experiences than we are in others, for example; you tell a few lies on the internet as no one knows you really??

I have been considering honesty, the truth or telling people all they need or want to know without holding back. This isn’t the first time I have written about the truth and what it can signify: You Can’t Handle The Truth

So, is learning the truth an epiphany moment or highly detrimental to any human’s ego, idea of themselves, their life and God knows what else??? Is it cruel or kind to be honest, really honest?

I am an advocate of speaking my mind, and can say in my personal life I do when I see it is necessary, but I also think something’s aren’t for me to comment on, and aren’t for to ask or question. Yet, if I am asked a question or for my opinion I give my reply as honestly and openly as I am able to.

Like this blog I write. I have been discussing this very topic with a few people, in fact a couple of people who write on WP. Now, I choose not to be 100% all out there, you won’t get a full picture of me from my writing on here. Why? Well not because I plan to deceive, but because I wish to leave something of myself to myself, a part of me has to stay with me and not be given up to other people. Not everything is for the ‘whole’ world to see, well, not all of the time.

It isn’t anyone’s business unless they ask, or I divulge because I choose to. That for me is the premise of life; you give what you decide to and no more. I only write about what is relevant for me at any given moment, and only include what reflects that moment. I don’t see the need to mention myself perhaps, or indeed my private life and history, if it isn’t necessary. If others choose to do that, then that is their choice and I don’t judge.

Now this lack of complete honesty leads people to assume, but then I am not responsible for people’s assumptions.

As I have already mentioned, I am honest with those I feel inclined to be honest with; friends, family and those valued internet connections (you know who you are). I also appreciate other peoples honesty, but when honesty crosses the line into being cruel I then don’t think it has a place in society.

An example, well, an obvious one that I have asked and I am sure every woman along the way has (an assumption perhaps); ‘Does my bum look big in this’? At some stage in my life I wouldn’t have wanted to hear bluntly; ‘Yes, you look like an elephant stuffed into it’. I may have already thought that about my-self, so I needed to be reassured instead of told the complete harsh and cruel truth. We all need to be reassured sometimes, as self esteem is a fragile thing.

You see we all enjoy some lies, because truth can sometimes be soul destroying to hear or know.

Now to return to my blog; well to admit one thing I would be more candid about myself and my feelings if I didn’t have people I know reading this too. You see my plan was to remain anonymous, but that soon gave way when I invited family and friends to look at my work. You see even with them, and they are close to me, I am not 100% honest all of the time. We all conceal something of ourselves, because those aspects of us are sacred to us.

In fact there are only two people in the whole world I am comfortable being completely honest with. See, there I go again; I can’t help telling a little fib! We can’t ever 100% know anyone. We may know we are editing our words and feelings, but sometimes it is to shield others from the aspects of ourselves we can’t even admit.

So, if I suddenly became Jim Carrey’s character from ‘Liar Liar’ how would that help to free me? Would it help me?

What part of me would be left if I told everyone everything?

So, again how honest is honest and is honesty always the best policy in life?

Well I suppose it is up to the individual to decide. Who am I to make that call for anyone! Yet, when we speak the truth does anyone really want to hear the reply? I think we are not always ready to hear the truth, because again it can be painful, force us to re-evaluate what we believe we know and also prompt us to re-think. People as a species don’t tend to like that much, as we all like to think we are right, we are pursuing the right course, we have all the answers we need, we know people well enough.

Again, this might come as a shock, but to reiterate; we don’t know anyone 100% as that would be an impossible feat.

So, to all my readers, I am sorry to disappoint you, but you don’t know me either, well, you know a portion of who I am; but if I was the write about me and everything there is to know about me, you’d be bored. No-one wants to hear my every little detail, no-one really cares unless my details are appropriate in that moment, and not everyone could fully understand.

So, what is my honest opinion about honesty, well, ask me and I will tell you!

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You Can’t Handle The Truth!

Laying it all bare, for the world to see, dropping the pretence, the charade?

I agree with being honest. Just being free enough to say this is me, this is it, these are my feelings and so on; but most people don’t want honesty. In fact studies show we don’t even want honesty ourselves; our own unconscious brain dictates that. Under tests participants have proven to blatantly ignore truthful facts if they are detrimental to them as humans. It seems lies are a human fundamental, a defence mechanism; part of something ancient that remains within us all.

So basically, when we are faced with the harsh truth, our minds deny it so we as a species can carry on living. Maybe without those lies we tell ourselves daily we’d never get up in the mornings?!

If we saw the real truth all the time we might decide to merely curl up and die, because the truth often is grimmer than the reality we think we know and see around us.

Lets face it the truth can be detrimental, examples; chances of getting cancer in your lifetime, chances of dying of a heart attack, likelihood of divorce, chances of being cheated on, murder, becoming homeless, being bankrupt, unemployed or never fulfilling a life’s dream. In short it takes away hope, and no one wants to admit that whatever they are doing could cause themselves harm in the long run.

Truth when applied to some situations merely deprives us of the remotest possibility that everything will be OK. Regardless of the adversity and the odds that are against us, we all hope everything will be OK in the end.

As people we are therefore used to being tricksters, excellent at concealing the truth even within ourselves. We have our reasons no doubt, does it always have to be because we have a hidden agenda or can’t face up to reality? Aren’t some things best left to the imagination or indeed left unsaid?

If we could always see and hear the truth would we choose to? Could everyone cope with seeing behind the veil of everyone’s reality or the world’s for that matter; no I don’t think we all could. I understand there are some things that need to be revealed as truth, but it is doubtful that everything truthful would be received as a ‘blessing’, because people are used to a life in the dark; and there are some truths that might be out of our comprehension.

Maybe then living a half lie is OK?

Perhaps so, as not every lie is meant to be harmful.

We as people should be able to choose what part of life we want to see as a harsh reality, and that which we choose not to; and what pieces of our own psyche we conceal and that which we don’t (it is our prerogatives as humans). After all no one knows anyone or anything 100%; we and everything around us are based on opinions (how we perceive ourselves, others and the world). Who’s truth is correct? Some people don’t even know themselves 100%; so how can they fathom out any lies inside themselves, how can they know what they are seeing in the world is a lie or the truth?

What is the truth anyway? Isn’t it relative to the situation, person, place, time and so on? Perhaps one person’s lie is merely another persons truth?

What do you think? Please leave me some food for thought!!!!

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Are We Calling Time On The Gentlemen?

In a recent interview Dita Von Teese (famous Burlesque Dancer), said she believes that ‘a gentleman is sexy’. Yet, aren’t such old-fashioned standards dead and forgotten by men, carried away by their expectations of a quick and easy one night tryst?! I wonder what qualities a man has to possess to constitute being classed a ‘gentleman’ these days? Hasn’t that ideal shifted and taken quite a severe dent? Even if gentlemen still exist, do women want one? Is there room for such men in today’s society?

I know I have been brought up a little old-fashioned. Instilled with manners, etiquette, principles, scruples and standards; in short I know how to behaviour in polite company, how to conduct myself. I in turn value these things in others, but it doesn’t make me any less forward thinking, liberal or liberated; I am outspoken (I can fight my corner like a tiger if needs be), I am not weak, submissive, dull, stupid, dependent or somehow sub normal. I know that for some women, the very notion of a man holding a door open for her is considered an outrage, a ghastly and degrading act; well, I respect such actions, as I would do the same for anyone myself! That act does not detract anything from my independence as a woman, who has rights. What puts me off is a lack of manners; ‘manners maketh the person’ after all. An example of such bad manners; a group of men who were happy to ogle at me, but then quickly enough barged me off the sidewalk and into the road so they could pass first, as though I was mere trash. Now that ladies is more degrading than a simple act of holding a door open out of mannerly courtesy.

Having manners, showing respect, being courteous and acting with dignity isn’t something to be viewed as suspicious, a clash with women’s rights, nor is it out of touch with modernity. I think it demonstrates the old adage, ‘do unto others as you would have done unto yourself’, at least until given a reason to do the contrary!

Now surely being a gentleman embodies such traits too? Official Oxford Dictionary definition of gentleman; ‘a chivalrous, courteous, or honourable man’, originated from Middle English (in the sense ‘man of noble birth’): in later use the term denoted a man of a good family.  So the term still bears the same qualitative meaning!

Consider momentarily a man who doesn’t demonstrate, dignity, respect, courtesy and manners; what type of lover would he make? These are essential elements in any would be relationship, without them you are just an object, and the man has no concern for you as a person at all. Why then do we so easily compromise on manners? Or gentlemanly qualities? Why do we forgive burly machismo, but abhor a man with kindly manners?

I know I’m not the only woman out there who is despondent with what seems to be the ‘show me your boobs’, drink until we collapse culture of today. When I see such leery and obnoxious men, this is when it is more obvious just how infrequently I get to see the species called gentlemen. This is when we all need to see the gentleman the most; to restore faith in all women, to show that not all men are just sex crazed idiots, who categorize women according to how good their breast look. That there are many men out there who are genuine, do care and that can treat women like human beings, not just objects.

With all things considered I believe there are gentlemen out there in the world, I have seen the proof. They are not the Prince who will whisk you away on a white horse into the sunset, but real men; men who value women, and don’t compromise their manners, courtesy or respect towards other people. Gentlemen are something worth vindicating, valuing and celebrating; a world without them would be a world lacking much-needed class.

Below pic:  Gentlemen, just a thing of the past???

As ever I would like to have your opinions on this topic please.

Leave your comments below, thanks 🙂

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.