The Dating Game

*Sigh* what a crazy conundrum the world of perpetual first dates must be, a virtual nightmare, based more on style than substance.

I am left wondering as I read about the newest form of dating via the internet, the Tinder app, how people actually ever get into a real relationship these days, especially as there seems to be an endless list of dos and don’ts as far as ‘dating’ goes.

Don’t look as though you are being too forward or desperate, don’t dress too casual or too provocative, don’t say that, don’t be too friendly or familiar, don’t open the door for a woman, don’t smile too much, don’t drink too much, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Some dos and don’ts might make sense, but some, it’s a little anal retentive!  

I actually question whether dating even exists anymore anyway, as I don’t actually consider a drink with a stranger as a date, a string of intrusive and often rude questions as a date, divvying up the bill and quarrelling over who pays as a date.

My idea of Hell (well, one of my ideas of Hell in any case); stuck in a room full of strange people who obviously are surveying and rating or berating the flesh before them, making judgements and snide comments and either thinking solely with their crotch or their hearts like lovesick teens. Yuck!

I know people are just too busy to be people any more, too busy to interact and communicate and just be real instead of virtual, but come on, seriously? Another online dating thingy majig, another one to add to the hundreds, no, thousands already in cyberspace?!

Where has reality gone?

Where have all the real people gone?

Where has the real deal communication and interpersonal skills gone? Those skills everyone always claim to possess on a CV, but can’t produce as the goods in the real world!

Why is everything so virtual, scripted and has never ending sets of ridiculous rules attached?

I like you, you like me, great lets go for coffee, lunch, dinner, a walk in the park? How difficult is that? Just approach someone, just be genuine and interested and approach a person and speak!

No, now that would be too easy!

What is wrong with a simple approach and then just going with the flow thereafter?

Is it the fact we are now a society and culture that is so manipulated, and dominated by our hard-wired discrimination, and die-hard consumerism that we always have to have an agenda, a list of what must be? If a person falls short of our list of ‘must haves’ we are disappointed, devastated and turned off immediately. After all we deserve nothing short of perfect, even if we ourselves, by the very nature of humanity, are severely lacking in perfection. Yet, our other half must be perfection personified.  

We have to have the Stepford woman or man on our arm, because the person who farts, or speaks out of line or doesn’t wax their bits and bobs or won’t have sex on the 1^st date or insists on being, well, anything we frown upon in this golden age of liberation (for both sexes), just isn’t good enough for our exacting standards and our little wonderful life plan. A life plan by the way, which will never come to fruition, especially if we insist on setting ourselves unrealistic and unobtainable goals, just like obtaining the perfect woman or man.

Now, I admit I’m not au fait with the dating scene. I am therefore no doubt naïve to all of this new-fangled approach to dating, but this means I have no qualms in seeing it all as being ridiculous and OTT.

I can’t help but pick holes with these new methods of dating and these rules of attack or engagement, or whatever! Frankly, I wouldn’t put up with the shit that the dating scene apparently requires its participants to go through to secure a date. I would actually rather pay for a date, literally, then sell myself short and pretend to be, well, whatever someone else wanted me to be! Sod that!

For me there is no fun in fake; telling lies to suit others ears just doesn’t turn me on. Such lies (pretending to always be some polished débutante and polite wonder goddess) would only just stack up trouble for any possible future with that ‘date’.  Why can’t we just go out and date and be ourselves. Say; “I am me and proud of it, and anyone who has a problem with that can just walk back out of the door they just came through, I won’t lose sleep”!

Don’t get me wrong, I can be the compromise queen and I accept flaws – relationships are give and take, it can’t all be one-sided ‘what will you do for me’ crap and nonsense. However, I wouldn’t want to sacrifice so much of me just to get a man that I am no longer me. What is the point in that?

If that is what you have to do to date, and be successful on the new dating scene then I would be single, though I hate that word. Single denotes somehow an air of not enough, dissatisfaction as though you need another person to be whole and validated. What utter *insert rude word here*.  

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is this; when did dating and all of this stuff become so complicated??? Who changed the ‘rules’ and why? What can anyone gain from feeling as though they are about to play a game of war, rather than have a connected, social human interaction, which should be interesting and fun?

I just want to ask one more thing; if you are currently dating, please try and date in the real world first (at least). You never know, it might actually be more fulfilling and worthwhile than sitting on a computer for hours completing silly, and irrelevant on-line compatibility questionnaires about how you take your coffee, ‘black or with milk’ – who cares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        

    

Associated articles:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/28/feminist-dating-emma-jane-unsworth

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/23/tinder-shallowest-dating-app-ever

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-cloud9/201305/10-dating-dos-and-donts-6-therapists

https://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/first-date-advice-12-dos-donts-every-girl-224100905.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10262728/Dating-dos-and-donts-of-the-pick-up.html

 

 

Consider Her Ways

Now I LOVE fashion (or style), always have and no doubt, always will. BUT (and this must be a significant ‘but’ for me to begin a sentence with it); I despise the notion that summer fashion equals everything on show for all to see.

Now before people pull me up on being anything but my usual ‘each to their own’, I have NO issue with individuality, freedom to express yourself and your own fashion tastes. All I ask is why can’t people CONSIDER their ways a little more for the sake of others, who, might struggle to retain their lunch upon viewing such things?

I am sick of sun = flesh equation, because this equation has detracted clothes from ladies considerably over recent years. Especially here, in Madrid.

Now I know how warm it becomes here, I am suffering and the temps aren’t even at their highest yet. I am from the UK, we are lucky to see 24 degrees for a summertime! So, perhaps I am allowing myself to feel shocked at what effects the sun can have upon people’s minds, and how it often causes a lack of clothes to occur.

Anyway, I just call for some public ‘decency’. I really don’t care if anyone feels I am being prudish or whatever else, because I don’t see how walking half naked equates to ‘liberation’ or ‘fashion’.

I ask the men out there; would you like to see the bum cheeks, and goodness knows what else, of fellow men as you go about your daily routines? Half naked men everywhere, all the time? It wouldn’t bother me, but then I am a woman!

Women will pass by with their bum cheeks (et al) on show as you eat. Standing on a packed metro train they pass you by with their bottoms rubbing upon you. After they have sweated upon seats you too will have to then sit upon. HYGIENE PLEASE!!

I mean women wear as little as possible, underwear little. I just wonder what is left to take off and expose?

OR, who ARE THEY exposing themselves too??

If their skirts blow up, and they are wearing teeny tiny thongs they often feel embarrassed, or they yank down their short skirts to keep them from exposing whatever. If a man stares at them they return his stare with a glare as though he is the pervert for looking at their nakedness! So, I am confused!

Do women feel they are dressing with everything on show for men, themselves or could it possibly be for the benefit of other women?

Could it be that any human forced into a ‘pack’ reverts back to archaic psychology – ‘top dog’ attitude, the top of the pecking order? Having to prove to their pack that they are THE ALPHA, THE BEST mating partner?

If it is dressing for themselves then, well, what can I do; but it doesn’t stop me becoming nauseous! Having to walk about and bear witness to the bare really makes me feel a little dirty!

Yes, dirty! I can’t explain it, and this is no doubt my psychological issue as much as theirs, but I see this ‘cave woman’ dress as just something I don’t need nor want to do. Also, I don’t want to see other women’s bits and bobs on display, I really don’t ‘feel’ it!

All I know is that I have always been my own person, and if someone can’t appreciate me fully clothed then I am not interested in them. I don’t need to strip to be accepted, included or validated.

Maybe I am beginning a new revolution; keep your clothes on!

If someone says that wearing little clothes is progress I’ll scream – the Victorians had the Whale bone corset, and we have the dinky, teeny, tiny butt cleavage shorts! Think about it – what has changed?

Oh, and for the record I don’t want to be ‘tan-tastic’ either – I love my paler skin tone – thanks!

“Boobs NOT news” – what do you think??????

Strange ‘tradition’ perhaps to be discontinued in The Sun (UK tabloid); perhaps after 40 years finally they have had enough boobs, and might now think about actually publishing the news instead of mindless titter tatter.

One Billion Rising

“On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 2.14.13, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to this violence. ONE BILLION RISING will move the earth, activating women and men across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders”.

Help put an end to rape and violence by joining One Billion Rising. Take a stand against these vile crimes today.

Take a look at the link below. This cause is a great way to raise awareness of the violence and abuse women face daily across the world.

One Billion Rising

I wonder how many women and men will ‘Stand’ up on 14th Feb and be counted???????

I’ll Be Offended If I Want To Be!!!!!!!

You know what annoys me? Hearing egotistical people complain about people complaining! These people are under the illusion that they can say what THEY WANT to, but they cannot abide it or understand it when other people might take offence to what it is they have to say.

We ALL have the right to be offended. If people have the right to say something, we then have the right to be offended. If people don’t like that, well, then don’t say anything in the first place! Simple, not really rocket science 🙂

Being offended is natural and being able to say so is a right.

So, I AM OFFENDED! I am entitled to be!!!

If you don’t like it, think before you speak!

Not Just A Vagina.

I am truly sick of these Facebook pages that claim to be liberal in their sexual views and ideals – only thing is I don’t see any naked men sprawled with their legs akimbo in every pic they post!!!!! Or women stating sexually what they’d like to do to men on these pages, in explicit porno language.

Twisted Broad YOU suck, but not the ‘thing’ you continually refer to 🙂

We all know what the birds and the bees are ‘lady’, you don’t have to drag it through the dirt like smut. Pathetic and childish just to get views; its cheap and nasty.

Why have some people got to push the boundaries just for the sake of doing so? Is it merely to gain ‘cool’ points with the men?

I mean what they class as sexy is blatantly not! Sexy should surely be coupled with classy, and yet none of the rubbish peddled as sexy on these sites are sexy.

Maybe these people need to think what their acquiescence towards these sexually arrogant, lascivious and obscene attitudes is really saying to the world; ‘I am a woman and just a vagina’. Can’t they get it into their dull heads that this back step disregards their own humanity, and trades them in too as merely a sex toy / object?

What the Hell was women’s liberation for exactly? Just so women could disrespect themselves, and their own sex as lewdly and crudely as some men need no invite in doing so anyway.

Objectification is not cool. A woman is a human and not just a vagina.

A Bundle Of Nerves

My mind can take a swim in the anxious soup, but I now know it is self defeating nonsense.

Sometimes I feel we push ourselves to our limits, to the point of physical and mental overload. We should all permit our brain and body ‘time out’ on occasions by letting go of those pressurising and punishing ‘interjects’. ‘Interjects’ are all too familiar in out lives, they dictate to us; ‘I must’, ‘I should’ or ‘I have to’!! ‘Interjects’ can drive people to feel anxious and unworthy.

I have learnt to see the pressure building whenever ‘interjects’ are included in the equation. For me it is then important to step away and question what is so important about these interjects. Will the world end tomorrow if all of my ‘to do’ list isn’t completed or the impossibly high targets I have set myself cannot be attained? No, it won’t! Whether I am an emotional wreck melted into a pool in the corner of the room or not, the world will still continue to turn on its axis! Bex’s issues not important to the world’s continuum!

My problem is I take too much on at once, which is fine, but I also need to remember I am not infallible, invincible or a super woman!

Another significant issue for me is social anxiety; interacting and feeling confident with others. Though the anxiety surrounding this has declined somewhat over the years, it has taken hard work on my part to tame the nonsense.

Since I was in school I have been blighted with anxiety, surrounded by insecurities and feelings of extremely low self esteem. I always hated how all of this impacted on me, my life and interactions with others. I therefore worked on changing it as soon as I felt able.

I actually did the reverse of running away and hiding from the world, I took on college courses and employment that would force me to interact, and pushed me constantly to be confident and social. This ethos worked; to a degree, though I am not ‘cured’. Note to add: ‘cured’ or what we perceive denotes ‘normal’ for everyone else and their lives. How do we know what normal is exactly? We don’t, it differs from person to person. So ‘cured’, no I am not, and don’t want to be as this is me.
It is not about curing, but managing what is part of you, and accepting it to a point.

Anyway, now I am here in Madrid, and I have had to make a new life for myself, yet again. This life now includes learning a new language, which anyone who has read
nosotros-no-hablamos-ingles-well-i-only-speak-spanglish-as-english-is-my-comfort-blanket
And
Brain Plasticity
Will know from these posts that I am struggling with it!

You see, there are still times where I don’t always take well to being deprived of my ‘comfort blanket’!
I get anxious and this anxiety can prevent me from being the best I can be. I manage it, but if I let it, it will run riot through my life.

Anxiety for me is like something else taking over how you feel and think; it’s debilitating, something deep within is blocking you, preventing you from living a full life and being a happy person.

Regardless of how anxious or under confident I might feel, I endeavour not to submit to that inner voice, and I won’t let it win, control and dictate me, my life and how I see myself. It won’t ruin my quality of life basically. Though, it isn’t easy; I know that and you know that.

Some days it’s like being in Hell, stuck in my own mind which is running a hate campaign against me. Just feeling comfortable enough in my own skin to be able to go out and face the world, seems like a miracle. Yet, being in unknown or daunting situations has helped boost my confidence, and changed how I have perceived myself, my capabilities and other people. So, it doesn’t mean that having anxiety will prevent you from living a life.

You see the reality is; things are never as bad as we imagine them to be. In our minds we have the tendencies of building mountains out of mole hills and Demons out of Angel’s. Only we have the power to stop doing that!

Now I know, and see that my thinking patterns can be irrational. So I query myself; what am I being afraid of? People are just like me and full of their own insecurities, and no-one really pays that much attention anyway (too busy with their own shit)! Am I going to even give a damn about what ‘fools’ think about me? Am I going to relinquish power over myself and my life to them? And the answer is; Hell no!

I can really empathise, and not in a patronising way, with how crippling anxiety can be to the ordinary and everyday life. I only hope you can take something from my experience, and what I have written here. I hate seeing people going through this shit for nothing, and then watching their life being taken over by it all.

The best thing to do is talk; tell it to someone else you can trust. Once the bad is released from the secret darkness of your mind none of the anxieties will look so powerful and overwhelming. It is keeping the anxieties a secret that maintains their power over you. Let them go, and question those inner doubts whenever they speak.

You can do it, step by step!

If you like my post please share it 🙂

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Struggling To Make Ends Meet – Poverty in the 21st Century.

Ed Miliband (Leader of the Opposition Party), Boris Johnson (Mayor of London) and many others are now calling for, and indeed advocating the introduction of a living wage in the UK. What is this initiative? Well, it’s an hourly rate for working people, which is re-set each year to reflect the increases in costs of living. The rate of this living wage is based around what an employee requires to provide their family with the mere essentials of life.

The recommendations for these living wage rates are; £8.55 an hour in London and £7.45 an hour for the rest of the UK. Yet, these figures have already come under criticism for falling short of the real requirements of what workers need to survive.

Yet people are expected to now survive on a minimum wage. In comparison to the current minimum wage for those who are aged 21 and above, which is now a paltry £6.19 an hour; the figures above already prove a shortfall for the workforce. Most employers will only pay the minimum wage, regardless of the job, the duties and qualifications required. Cheap labour, exploitation and damn near slavery are what the UK work force is used to. With unemployment on the increase the employer ethos of ‘take it of leave it’ is never more powerful. People will put up with terrible wages and unfair working conditions or face unemployment. It isn’t exactly job satisfaction that keeps people working, inasmuch as sheer necessity. Workers in the UK are already being short changed of the basic requirements that are needed for them to actually live, so then how are they currently surviving without a living wage?

Well, when people don’t earn a living wage they have to work two jobs rather than one, get credit cards and loans merely to eat, and actually to travel to work! People are forced to live in poverty whilst actually working full time, their children aren’t eating properly, they can’t afford to heat their own homes and so and so on. What century is this anyway? Seems awfully analogous to something Dickensian.

Things have changed, relatively perhaps; but the premise remains the same.

So isn’t the living wage an answer to all those issues? Well, it is a fairer and more equitable option, where employees may actually feel they have value. Surely working people deserve to earn enough to live and participate in society, otherwise they might as well be outcasts. What are they working for exactly; and it isn’t just to pay taxes and pay bills (those days are, or I thought they were, over)! This isn’t a time of the landed gentry and farming peasants! People want to live a life! At the moment most people aren’t, so if the current minimum wage isn’t doing society justice then what are the issues with changing it?

Well, the UK Government are the issues. They aren’t sold on implementing a living wage, but crazily enough they are happy to provide benefits to subsidise low income families (those surviving off the minimum wage). In fact the amount of benefits being paid to those in work is on the increase! That means that society is already helping out low-paid employers, which to be honest really makes no sense. Doesn’t that outlay of benefits alone indicate that the wages are too low in comparison to the ever increasing cost of living and taxes? Why not then just solve the root of the issue instead of applying a sticking plaster that clearly doesn’t work; as people are still in poverty!

Yet, it isn’t merely about the cost of these benefits to the taxpayer; it’s about the cost of changing people’s work ethic. Actually demonstrating that is does pay to work. That people aren’t just working to pay the bills, and keep their heads just above the water line. That life isn’t all hard slog and little else; I mean isn’t that what the mill workers in 19th century thought about their lives? When will this working poverty and servitude ever change for the working people of the UK? It is a perpetual and entrenched vicious circle! What does society or the economy get out of such a system, nothing!

I thought we’d left the cotton mills behind?

For those who argue the UK couldn’t afford a living wage, that is somewhat naïve and morally wrong. What makes more sense; extra household debt (ethereal money that doesn’t really exist in the economy, and that no-one can afford to pay back), and money being given in benefits from taxes, or, money given in real wages whereby it can be properly invested into the economy?

I can see why this push for change is being blocked though; ordinary working folk could actually gain something rather than merely get less. I know; it’s a shocker and such an outrageous idea! How dare the ordinary people want more than merely working their hearts out for nothing other than paying their bills! What is the 21st century coming to?! Any new initiative meant to embetter a workers life comes up against opposition; the national minimum wage itself wasn’t looked upon favourably, neither were trade unions, equal pay, employee rights or the abolition of child labour, oh, and slavery.

How can a country prosper if their people don’t? Simple question, yet no one is willing to answer it!

Check out: http://www.livingwage.org.uk/

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Publishing Ladder

This post comes as part of a response I made to ‘And the Winner Is…Self-Publishing’ a post by Jessica Vealitzek (http://jessicavealitzek.com/), which was regarding the route to publishing written work.

My comment:

‘I think not enough personal journeys in this area are documented (regarding people’s experiences with trying to publish work); so many people just need good and honest advice on this (the route to publishing) to save wasted time and frustration! Oh, I have a question; do you know whether there is a ‘collective’ of writers who are looking to be published? What I mean is, other people in similar situations who want to get published, and who can pull together pooling their resources; knowledge, contacts and abilities, which could aid a publishing objective?? Does that make sense or am I rambling?? It would be like a group of people working together for a common purpose; making a website to put the work on, to do the advertising and networking to get interest for ALL of their work?? I don’t know, might be a crazy or illogical idea, but more minds might be better than one to unravel the publishing conundrum; on-line or via a traditional route! More voices shouting out louder surely have to be heard! I don’t know! Just a thought I came up with!’

I then posted another response to Jessica stating I would do some research into the above, to check if such ‘support’ was out there for writers. To be honest I wondered whether my take of a ‘collective’ of writers wasn’t just ‘independent publishers’, and the beginnings of what we recognise as traditional publishing houses.

Anyhow, I have managed to complete some research, and found some links regarding ‘collectives’ or ‘cooperatives’. I have also looked at what advice is out there for people who are trying to get published, and the ‘pros and cons’ of the online publishing route too.

AUTHOR COOPERATIVES:

1: http://authorselectric.blogspot.co.uk/

2: http://awesomeindies.wordpress.com/
There are hurdles in place for wannabe writers on this site; jump over these and then they may consider reviewing your work.

3: http://www.wordswithjam.co.uk
Submissions for short stories with a word limited of 2500, but they also look for new article writers for their blog.

4: http://www.bookviewcafe.com
Members only publishing cooperative.

5: Yahoo groups: for example there are Indie Authors Forum and Indie Romance Authors – these offer tips/tricks for one another’s work.

6: http://www.rockitreads.com/
All genre Romance; for work that is self published and on-line already.

7: http://thirsteditions.com
Closed to submissions, no unsolicited manuscripts; ummmm, this sounds familiar!

8: http://www.leagueofextraordinaryauthors.com/

9: http://allianceindependentauthors.org/about.html
Seems to be most inclusive site; they encourage new authors, give advice and will review their work. Yippee!!

The author cooperatives I have read about, and discovered through my research are not really an open forum for the everyday writer struggling out there. They are closed shops; where you would have had to have been a member from the beginning, been in on the formation of the cooperative. In other words, author cooperatives do seem to me to be a branch of independent publishing. They will only promote their own work, and are not really willing to share their knowledge or give advice and tips to other writers.

I must admit I am more frustrated by discovering this, and disheartened somewhat. I am aware there are an abundance of people writing, and possibly too many to ensure that they all get published. I am aware that masses of time and resources have to go into the; proof reading, editing, providing advice and tips and even promotion of work, and passing on author’s work to possible publishers. Yet, surely there could be some services dedicated to this, and this alone; to enable more new author’s to actually get published in one format or another!!

So if there are no open cooperatives that authors can join, then where is the progress?

What are the options out there for help, support and advice for wannabe authors?
The answer, well, there doesn’t seem to be much of any of that available.

Why is it so difficult for ordinary people to get on the ladder of being published and then achieve their goal?

The Ladder of Success

Perhaps it is because writing is comparable to the art world. Experts deem one type of art is the only one correct, and therefore the only one worthy of the title of art, of accolades and praise. Yet, isn’t there beauty in all art? Writing is the same as art; freedom of expression, individuality and passion. Whose job is it to say what is valid? Who has the sole authority to sanction what is good enough, and then dismiss every other writer, novel or a piece of work? These experts only know the genres or work they are familiar with; it is only their individual opinion after all! That doesn’t mean what is being written outside of these opinions, labels and boxes is wrong or not a valuable piece of work. There is surely volumes of written jems going unnoticed, all because of stringent rules and guidelines and people’s opinions; oh, not to mention the fact that there are not enough people willing to read new writers work or offer any help.

People always say that you can only write from your heart, about what you know, to please yourself; but still these publishing hurdles stating what work is acceptable are placed in the path of potential writers. You have to face word limitations, genre limitations, plot limitations, structure limitations and so on and so on. How is this art? How is this expression?

I am no literary critic, my degree is in Politics not English Literature, I am no expert on how to write a novel; so does that naturally mean any work I produce won’t be valid? I have no one to direct me, no place to go for advice and I don’t have any relevant networks in the publishing world to call a favour from; so that means I haven’t a cat in Hell’s chance of getting anything published?

Maybe I need to begin my own author’s cooperative!!

Having somewhere people can get information from; clear and simple advice which is free and honest, hints and tips to move themselves, and their work on and into the publishing world is essential!!!!!

Yet, it doesn’t seem to exist! What I have been reading about the publishing world and even the ‘cooperative’ world is confusing and conflicting. There are opinions, and lots of them, from people who already have the deal sown up. Yet, these people aren’t willing to share, to help others even try to get on that ladder that they have already climbed!!!! WHY???

THOUGHT OF PUBLISHING ON-LINE?

There are so many hurdles and gatekeepers to the knowledge, and advice you require to move on with your quest to publish. How can you over come no support or advice? What do you do to get noticed, to get popular and published?

Well, many see self publishing a route to change the goal posts set by traditional publishing houses. Online is an option to open the fair playing field and create the equitable, even for the most ordinary of author’s running around about their daily business, and 9-5 work routines!

In fact a growing number of authors have decided to become editor, designer, marketer and sales director for their own ebooks. In return for this hard slog, instead of a modest advance, plus the 8%–15% royalty from a traditional publisher, a self-published author may enjoy royalties of 70% that is if their book is sold at a certain price (£1.49 to £7.81) on Kindle.

Self-published authors can also see their ebooks in high-street shops too. Apparently Waterstones recently made a deal with rival Amazon to sell Kindles and ebooks through its 300 stores.

Yet, it is still the case that the MOST successful self-published ebooks spring from POPULAR and ENTRENCHED genres with large online communities such as; fantasy, erotica, chick-lit, horror and crime thrillers.

To be noticed you need to stand out online. Keywords rule the day; tags and search engine optimisation has never been more important. Distinctive is good, but baffling is not.

If online is the way to break the publishing mould then every author SHOULD create a website (well, that is what the experts advise). An online presence being essential for a new author, because when people buy your book they want to find out more about you. A website is seen as the essential sales and marketing platform. This might be part a parcel of the serious self-publisher.

Another element to be being serious and professional when it comes to self publishing is recruiting the help of external editors, proofreaders and especially cover designers. Is this what ‘self publishing’ means? Well, if you want to make on average 34% more from your ebook sales, yes, you’ll recruit! So merely writing, and completing your book isn’t the end of the fight; production and marketing are still waiting for the next bout to begin.

You see readers care about formatting and proofreading. Sloppy work will get mentioned in any reviews and it will hurt your sales. Although help need not be expensive, why not get potential readers to proof read your work?!

Still, do you know who to go to for help with your website, proof reading, editing and graphic artwork input for that cover?? Seems like its more calling on who you know, or researching and hoping there will be help out there for a nominal fee.

ISN’T THIS ON-LINE PUBLISHING SUPPOSED TO BE EASY?!

After all of this work, how then do you get interest in you and your work from on-line communities? How about sending a review request document to bloggers who have written reviews about books in your genre??? Choose THE most relevant bloggers. Treat it like a sales pitch, and a personalised request is the most persuasive; so is one including details about your book and links to any previous reviews, Twitter feeds and websites to encourage the bloggers interest. Offers of interviews or guest blogs may also work in your favour to provide marketing for your work.

Are you wondering how to find the right audience online though? Well, there are ways and means to get anything, for a price. Marketing software called Tweet Adder enables you to make contact with people who follow other authors in the same genre as you.

Yet, isn’t promoting yourself or your product via Twitter merely spam? There is a fine line yes, and the information on the etiquette of this is conflicting (what a surprise)! Some experts say it is appropriate to promote your work 5 times a day, but others say once an hour. So, depending on your view this marketing technique alone could become a full time job!

It is up to you how far to take the online networking though, as a recent Verso survey estimated that barely 12% of books are discovered from social networks. 50% are still discovered from the old fashioned word of mouth, or personal recommendations.

OK, then what about freebies?? How about giving your ebook away FREE online for a limited time only?? Crazy, yeah? No, as this trick could boost sales once you sell it at its intended price.

SO, THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT, THE FUTURE IS ON-LINE?

The future seems to be one where authors will prove their merit in the self-published world of the internet, before they are snapped up by mainstream publishers. Maybe for some, yet not all self publishers are making it ‘big time’ I.E earning more than say a person could in a ‘normal’ 9-5.

A survey of 1,007 self-published writers, by the way it is one of the most comprehensive insights into the growing market to date; found that while a small percentage of authors were bringing in sums of $100,000 plus, average earnings were just $10,000 a year in 2011. In fact LESS than 10% of the survey earned LESS than $500.

Apparently, if it is the big money you want then you SHOULD focus on self publishing Romantic fiction. Romance authors earned 170% more than their peers, while authors in other genres fared much worse; science-fiction writers earned 38% of the $10,000 average, fantasy writers 32%, and literary fiction authors just 20% of the $10,000 average.

More statistics of success for you; if you are female, educated and in your early 40s great news, ebook success could be yours! Top earners who could live off their earnings were 68% female and 33% of these had a degree. High earners also dedicated more of their time to their writing, churning out 2,047 words a day. Money makes money, perhaps!

ANSWERS PLEASE!!!!!!

Sorry, no REAL answers, and no REAL comprehensive advice or support. It is all a bit vague, and confusing. Negotiating the myriad of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ of the publishing world are difficult. Whether on-line or via the traditional publishing houses, the obstacles seemed not to have really changed; different settings, yes, but the hoops and hurdles remain the same!

The language of publishing is shrouded in secrecy; how, when, what, who, blah and blah, it is just not quantified enough. It’s an unknown and closed circle of information, there are no guarantees, and little communication; really no one wants to help. I would like to see the doors to being published opened to the normal people, give them a chance too!!! I wish I could make my own cooperative, where advice and proof reading options could be available, but I don’t have the expertise! I am infuriated by the lack of clarification, support and publishing opportunities available to new writers; I wish I could change it!! The doors shut outweigh the doors open, and it’s about time this changed.

What I mean is; if you wanted to be a Doctor or Teacher or another type of professional, would the career path and way to achieve your goal be so uncertain? Would the doors be closed and the chances of success so slim? Would it be shrouded in mystery, confusing, surrounded in baffling opinions and information? Would it be the case that plenty has been documented about the career, but not enough, not the exact of how to actually achieve it!

No, I don’t think so.

There would be the help and support required; there would be information available which is clear and concise. The routes of how to begin that career would be set out for all to see.

Wanting to be a writer is akin to wanting to walk on the Moon; it’s a great pipe-dream, but what is the likelihood of that ever happening? Ummm, about a billion to one I think!

Understand what I mean?

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

One Good Run

Aspire to climb as high as you can dream

‘Without pursuing our dreams we might as well be vegetables’, Burt Munro who set the fastest land speed world record in 1967 on a 1920 Indian Scout Motorbike; he was 68 at the time.

Following a dream that others might deem improbable or ridiculous; dedication or delusion?

I constantly talk about following a life path or feeling like I am losing my purpose, and people, even those close to me, look at me like I’ve gone crazy. The concept of a life ‘path’ or ‘purpose’ seems alien to them.

I strongly believe there is more to life than the mundane day in and out routine; shopping, the 9-5, paying bills, and so on and so on. I refuse to believe there are people out there devoid of dreams, ambitions or without ‘illusions of grandeur’. How can people be happy or satisfied with merely the ‘norm’?

Everyone surely harbours some dream, grew up wanting to be something; a teacher, a politician, a dancer or an astronaut?

So, when did these dreams and ambitions cease to exist, and become condemned to the vault of the unobtainable?

Is there something wrong with wanting more or holding onto your life dreams?

Is there a time to merely give up and accept defeat?

Well, Burt Munro never gave up. He began his dedication to racing Motorbikes in 1926, and all the while he searched for new ways to make them perform faster. This relentless pursuit of his dream led him to make a world record that still holds today.

Burt Munro held onto the idea that he had one good run left in him, until the very end of his life. He didn’t abandon the verve required to succeed.

He never gave up, never relinquished what he felt he had to do, never wavered over what was right for him; and that to me is admirable, and to be honest awe inspiring.

Burt surely proves it is never too late, and that you should never give up on your dream or yourself.

Burt Munro never gave up his dreams.

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.