Two Steps Forward

Two steps forward, and hopefully, this time there will be NO steps back!!!!!!!!!!!

Why, well I have made POSITIVE progress!!! YEH for me (happy face included)!!!!!

I am now a volunteer for a NGO here in Madrid, and I am feeling mightily proud of myself!!!!!! Today was my first day, and I have been busy completing some research for them; which is a task I love doing.

At the moment I am not ready to relate all the gory details of what I am exactly doing, not yet anyway. It is after all early days. Needless to say I have begun positively, and hope to remain that way too; fingers and toes crossed please!!

Since discovering the volunteer options available here in Madrid, I have noticed there has been a subtle change within myself. This little new spark of, positivity perhaps, has made everything seem a little ‘rosier’. OK, the change isn’t so dramatic that I could take on the world, and conquer it single handedly; BUT, I feel I am moving forwards instead of stagnating in that rotten rut. I have, I think and HOPE, taken a sledge hammer to that rut and demolished it!!! Hehe!!

For the next few days though, I will be away. We have booked a short holiday to Valencia, which we are looking forward to!!!

Upon my return, I look forward to recommencing my progress through this exciting new chapter of possibilities in my life!! I also have ‘Madrid Meet Up’ groups to attend, which should be interesting!!!!!!!! Who knows what new wonders will await 🙂

ONE LAST THING – I just want to THANK everyone who has been so kind in providing me with support during my ‘ranting and raving’ and negative moments. I have appreciated each and everyone of your kind wishes, advice and comments left as response to my posts. You are all truly wonderful, and kind people, who I feel privileged to have bumped into within the WordPress blogshere!!!

THANKS TO YOU ALL, and have a wonderful weekend!!!

Sucking You Dry

This little thought occurred me to last night, when, as usual I couldn’t sleep!!! Strange how the strange finds me in the very small hours, and just won’t let go of my mind………ummmm.

Anyway, I reflected back upon studying Psychology at college. I recalled reading certain research, which had been conducted into the psychological benefits of relationships. The results of the research discovered that women DO NOT benefit psychologically from being in marriages or long term relationships. Men however, do benefit, and quite significantly.

I found this to be a ‘revelation’ at the time. I remember thinking of everyone I knew who was married, and actually found immediate logic in the findings of this research. Women, or the women I knew – who were Mothers of my friends and relations I had, well, they weren’t too pleased being married. It had been a pretty tough time for them throughout the years; so, discovering women don’t necessarily get much out of a relationship, well, it made sense to me.

So, to condense these research findings, it seems that men tend to suck the life out of women. They use them as tools to enrich their own life and well being, but while the women sacrifice, the men just use the free support base to flourish. Men, men alone are more prone to psychological disorders – depression, isolation,  paranoia, unsociability, instability and even suicide. Women alone, are not prone to such things – they seem to, according to the research, soar like a bird, and a free bird at that.

Men alone can’t cope, women alone cope very well – better than if they are in relationships with the burden of a man in tow. Facetious, feminist, wrong – maybe, but then, let us ask women to be truthful enough to admit that the men in their lives can be cumbersome, and often draining, and enough to often devour the very patience of a Saint.

What do you think; I am asking the women here?????? Is this research true?????

Well, consider this; men don’t often just leave a relationship to be on their own. From what I have seen, they tend to stack up their next ‘victim’ or victims, before they jump ship. What does that say – men don’t like being alone or maybe they are serial monogamists?? Hey wait a minute here – men and faithful – don’t men cheat more often than women in relationships; OR, are men merely caught out cheating more often than woman are?

Either way if men do prefer to peruse their options, why do they need to be in a relationship to be psychologically stable?? Men, what do you think about these psychological research findings – true or hogwash?????? Do you need a relationship????

If this is true and men do get more out of relationships, why then are they so called biologically hard wired to stray like a cat?? Shouldn’t it be women on the prowl, not men, as women don’t need one man, they don’t need a relationship as they get nothing out of it. Women don’t get the same psychological stability, and nutrition as men do from relationships. Women get the depression and suicidal thoughts instead.

Why then would women enter into a relationship if they don’t want to commit suicide any time soon???? Well, WHY?????

What are the answers???? Maybe there are none!

OK, by the way YES I am in a relationship; oh wait, did you ask how my psychological state is??? Well, what do you think???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired, Irritable And In Pain

I need to apologise if I am not as ‘thorough’ as I could be with my blog at the moment. I think I have let my interaction and posting slip a little. I can and will explain why though.

Well, from Friday until today has been extremely strange. I seem to be feeling more tired than ever, and have developed the most annoying headache that Paracetamols don’t seem to have an effect upon! I know that I shouldn’t be perhaps continuing to work on the computer, but then between my new Facebook page, this blog, responding to and sending emails, research and other work; I just haven’t had the option to say ‘I quit, I need rest and time out’!!!!

This feeling ill properly kicked in on Thursday. I had to miss my usual evening catch up with one of my friends, as I just felt so tired I didn’t have the energy to even move from the couch! Friday I had to miss my Spanish lesson too, the first one ever!! I felt tired with a horrendous headache which had developed and wouldn’t leave. I had so much pain that I had to stay in bed until the afternoon, which I never do! Today, the same head pain has returned; it is concentrated on the left side of my head, and sits behind and into my left eye, which is annoying me!!!

Anyway, after missing my lesson on Friday I felt guilty. I hate to miss anything as important, especially as by about 4:00 I felt better!! Typical!!! My friend then paid me a visit with some Turron to cheer me up, which we ate during that same afternoon. I really like Turron, but I regretted the food splurge as it is so heavy on my stomach. Plus, the calories I must have consumed was crazy, not to mention merely eating the food just to cheer myself up; not a good way to stabilise my emotions or increase my health!!!!! Anyway, what is done is done!

Saturday I felt better, and we went out to the Fine Art Museum. We had lunch, took some photos and just had fun. Sunday, yet again I felt tired and drained with a damn headache. I did exercise as usual though; I was determined not to be defeated, but my left eye felt as though it was going to pop from the socket. The pressure was painful inside the head. I have no idea what the Hell that was all about. I just felt weird to be completely unscientific in my description. I can’t explain the pain, but I know I am fed up of it now. I think I have to be over tired, no, I know I am! Though I am having better night’s sleep than I have had for months, it is never enough!!!!!! Now the nights of being awake have stacked up against me, and lack of sleep is seemingly beginning to have it’s effect on me.

I have to admit that I am irritable too. I just feel ‘so what’ about everything. Though, I am trying not to be this way, I am struggling! I am being horrible to everyone, short tempered (more than usual!); I feel sorry for anyone having to tolerate me! I have to get on with my day though, regardless of how tired I am I can’t just say; ‘I am going to rest, sod everything’. I have things to do for God’s sake, life doesn’t live itself!

Also, we go to Rome on Friday, Yippeeeee!!!! I can’t wait to be honest. However, I don’t want to be so unenthused, lethargic and in pain that I miss the chance to fully enjoy being there. That would just make me more infuriated with myself than I already am! I just want everything to be as perfect as it can be, and not be a complete nightmare.

I have so much to do before I get to Rome though; meetings, Xmas stuff to prepare, work to complete, so on and so on!!!!!!!!!!! It is never ending.

Yet, all I can do is think; is it sleep time yet?

Ooooo, my headache has just eased!! It has only taken 7 hours!