This Is Frustrating

I found a great little job site for applying for work here in Madrid, yet, the application process SUCKS!!!

I can’t upload my own CV, which far surpasses the useless and limited electronic version the site has for every candidate to use. It is OK if every candidate is Spanish, but I am not, and the jobs being advertised on the site aren’t all for Spanish speakers or Spanish companies!!!

The CV on the site didn’t even have the ‘pull down’ option on there for MY degree, what the Hell!!! It couldn’t get my age correct either!! It also required either NIE (certificate of residency) or passport number – which is highly confidential information to part with, and leave lying around on an online job site, which could be hacked any time, and my complete identity then stolen!! In the UK such personal identification would NEVER be required until the interview stage or, until an actual job offer has been made.

The site also required me to input a Spanish telephone number, which I haven’t got. I don’t want one either!!!! I didn’t see the need to transfer my contract over to a Spanish contract, especially as mobile contracts are expensive here. I use texts more than calls, here, Spanish people use calls more than texts – who the Hell am I gonna call and chat to?? I don’t have an endless contact list!!!

The other down side – everything on the site’s CV was in Spanish. Yet, the jobs I wanted to apply for are not advertised in Spanish, are not for Spanish speakers, but Native English speakers. Therefore, as a non-fluent Spanish speaker – the whole site was a tad frustrating to navigate – and most of it wasn’t applicable to me!!!!

It was a classic catch 22. I need to be in a Spanish working environment to learn more Spanish, and yet getting a job to help me do that – is a nightmare! So, I rely on applying for English speaking only positions to help me get somewhere; but this is no better, as the application process is in Spanish!

Barriers, and then some!!!!!

The etiquette for interviews, and for meting people in a business capacity is completely wrong too! There is no follow up, the only option is; come at this time, this date, to this venue – there is NO, can you make this? Is this OK for you? Let us confirm this 100%. There is NO response to confirm or responses to answer questions – its just – this, that and nothing more. If that is no good for you, well, tough – and DON’T contact us again! How is that conducive for business or organisations to run?? Why can’t they clarify what is required?? Why can’t they communicate and decide what is best for all parties concerned?? How does anything ever get done if there is no negotiation and communication, just orders?!

As a candidate or enquirer about volunteering, info on jobs, organising meetings and so on, you have to do all the chasing too. Without two way communication you are often left hanging with no real answers, clarification or a way to progress. Basically, it is a one time only offer; unless you comply to what they want, when they want it and how they want it, you as a candidate or enquirer are up the creak without a paddle.

No wonder so many people here in Spain are unemployed!!!!!!!

I am at least, seemingly, making headway with volunteering. I am trying once more to arrange a meeting to discuss what I can do, and they can do – and so on and so on. Fingers crossed this will all be done and dusted by next week!!!!! Fingers crossed!!!!

Who Is Pulling The Strings?

I hate it when I’m in the moment, and giving it all full throttle about how I feel, think, fear or whatever else – assuming, wrongly, that I am engaged in a conversation with the person opposite from me; when suddenly they decide to cut me dead, and leave me hanging!!!

They are quite content to dismiss my words with a pointless, and patronising interjection – what the Hell!!! Its like having something thrown at your head that was completely unexpected, a fly in your very nice soup, tripping over as you enter a store full of people – it is a horrible feeling!

These annoying people ALWAYS ASSUME they know exactly what I mean, think, feel or want and blatantly, THEY DON’T!!! How can they if they don’t listen!! What happened exactly?? Did this person possess me while I was sleeping, taking over my inner workings without me becoming aware? Yeah right!

In other words, let me perhaps misinterpret what they feel, think, mean and want for a change, so they know how annoying it is; they basically know better than me, therefore they don’t need to listen to me as what I have to say is as pointless as pickles on toast!

By being flippant about what I am trying to convey, regardless of the subject matter under discussion, patronising interjections make my words less significant. My words, feelings, thoughts, ideas, wants, opinions et al are belittled and yes, dismissed. These ‘Boss Hogs’ have seized the power in the ‘conversation’ – yet, what can anyone gain from a one sided conversation? They mustn’t get far in life must they.

Regardless of my emphatic protests against their continued assumptions, they continue to raise their barriers with the ‘I don’t care’ attitude, ‘I am always right and know everything’.

I just want to scream; ‘who made you the puppet master’? ‘Who the Hell are you to be nominated as judge and jury’? ‘Listen and perhaps you’ll then know’! ‘Quit jumping the gun and assuming things, as that really makes YOU appear to be a  bombastic, self obsessed ASS’!

Don’t take me and my feelings, needs, words and wants for granted please!!!!!!! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT – so quit telling me YOU do!!!

 

Unpicking You

How can you, unpick you – that is your fundamentals, what has made you you for so long?

I always think of myself as sentimental layers of life experiences built up over years, and compacted together to form layers which represent my whole being, a person; for the moment, a ‘final product’.

If there is something amiss, somewhere deep down in all that sediment layering then how can that be sifted through? How do we locate successfully that one ‘bad seed’ upsetting the equilibrium of our being, creating disharmony?

There are certain things which effect me and impact on my life; these I feel are embedded reactions to something long gone or long ago learnt. These embedded ‘flaws’ or ‘bad’ reactions, ‘faulty’ coping mechanisms or whatever else are more difficult to locate in my life layering than something recently learnt, experienced and assimilated into myself.

In fact, pin pointing the specific incident that triggered these flawed behaviours, faulty coping mechanisms or bad reactions which currently effect me, is the hardest thing to do! Perhaps the reason for this is because they are anchored to my childhood, before I was fully cognisant?

If something impacts upon us before we are fully self aware, how can we then unpick these flaws in ourselves? How do we begin to find the thread to unravel, and unpick ourselves, thus solving these issues we have? How can a root be found without knowing first where to look for it?

Isn’t what we have automatically assimilated into our fundamental core person, the most difficult to then rectify if there are problems with this assimilation?

Perhaps then it is time to move on from even trying to unpick ourselves. Is it ever worth spending time feeling that we should be more than we are? Is it worth considering that one moment, long ago in our past, may have diverted us from becoming a different person – one perhaps more ’rounded’ and grounded?

I have begun to think not.

Some things have no rhyme or reason, they just are. The best method of healing, for me, is to just accept my ‘warts and all’, and embrace who I am – faulty or otherwise! Unpicking myself, unraveling my threads would, I feel, create more problems than it would solve. I may be flawed, faulty and even bad on occasions, but then that is me, the only me I know – so who is anyone else to contest that?

None of us are perfect, but those little imperfections make us all perfect just the way we are.

Who would we be without our little flaws – would we be better people or would we be worse? Who can really ever know for certain.

10 Things I Hate

Pic from: hartlove.wordpress.com

 

Going on our merry way through life, we all tend to pick up things that rankle us. Whether they are designed for such purposes or not, they do.

Sometimes it is as though the universe itself converges upon me, just with one thought at heart; to annoy, cause disharmony, disrupt and blatantly infuriate me!

With all this in mind I sat down and considered, funnily enough not for long, what my top ten most hated things were (in relation to situations mainly).

So, here they are – enjoy and hopefully you can empathise too?!

1. Where ever you sit down or park your car – doesn’t matter how empty a place is, someone HAS TO situate themselves near you. WHY? Is it herd mentality?

2. Bad manners. Now this I cannot abide. Manners cost nothing. It is a sign of courtesy, a display of appreciation which makes everyone’s day a little more pleasant. Whether it is a ‘thank you’ or holding a door open for someone; the sentiment behind the act is priceless.

3. People who wear summer clothing just because they see a glint of sunshine in February (or any other time of year when it is equally as freezing cold)!!

4. Those people who never truly listen, but merely wait for their turn to speak. This is not conversation, this is not empathy, this is not courteous. This type of discourse only makes for frustration, and a feeling of being under-valued.

5. People who bring all their problems to your door, but when you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on they run for the hills. This is not friendship, but a free counselling service!

6. Queues. Whichever queue you join it will be the one that takes the longest to get served. Fact!

7. People who drive whilst brushing their hair and applying make-up, speaking on a mobile phone, texting their friends, whilst reading a map or whilst using a laptop (yes, I actually have witnessed a truck driver doing this very thing)!

8. People who do not know the meaning of giving way whilst walking on a sidewalk. They negotiate the sidewalks as badly as they drive. I know here in Madrid getting from A to B can be a free for all – pushing and shoving, whole groups of people blocking your path and taking over the whole sidewalk; even dogs and children running into you. I hate it – MOVE OVER and let other people be on their way PLEASE! Regardless of what you may think, you DON’T own the sidewalk!!!

9. People who just STARE at you for no reason, as though they haven’t seen another human being in about 10 years. WHY!  

10. People who inflict their BAD ATTITUDES on you for no reason other than you happen to be near them at that moment. I actually experienced this quite recently whilst I was visiting my Grandmother in Accident and Emergency. Some psycho woman thought it was OK to ‘get up in my face’ just because she was having a bad day. Like I wasn’t!!!! Oh well, she was having a bad day, well then that behaviour is excused and all is OK – just go ahead and make my day even more awful, just as long as you get all your anger off your chest; errr, NO!

Just 10 things?? WOW, I really feel I could ‘vent’ 10 more!!!!

WHAT ABOUT YOU??? Have any of YOU anything to add to my modest list of annoyances????

PLEASE – LET ME KNOW!!!!!!!     

Vanquish The Dark Cloud

Picture called ‘Dark Cloud’ by: chexmixho.deviantart.com

“If something can help you unlock your inner self, then

it is worth while.

Nothing can replace years of feeling a

weight has been lifted’, and ‘a dark cloud’ has been

vanquished”.

 

The Savvy Senorita (AKA: Bex Houghagen) 2013

Brain Plasticity – How Do We Learn?

Brain Plasticity – looks as complex as it sounds?

Well, last week I had my first official Intercambio meeting (Spanish and English language exchange), via a college here in Madrid. I have written about learning Spanish in a previous post, and the trials and tribulations of becoming accustomed to a new language and life setting. It is not as though I don’t use what Spanish I have learnt, or practice with others, but this Intercambio meeting was the first step in officially ratifying and testing my learning.

Needless to say I felt very nervous. One reason was the fact I didn’t know who I would be meeting with, and I couldn’t be certain whether we would have any common ground to even begin a conversation with. Secondly I really pinned my hopes on using this meeting as a vehicle to gain acquaintance with new people, and to continue to expand my networks; hence I really wanted the initial meeting to go well. Thirdly I was aware I was succumbing to my inner disappointments, because of my lack of Spanish language skills. I therefore felt I was going to be somehow inferior to everyone else present. I have this belief that everyone I meet has mastered a second or third language far better than I ever will; not a conducive thought for the learning processes to take hold (I know).

Anyway, I was eagerly punctual, as always and begun chatting to one of the staff at the college who is Romanian. He was trying to reassure me that it does take time to learn any language well enough to speak confidently, while proceeding to provide me with the same advice I usually receive; go out more and interact and listen to the language being spoken, watch television and listen to the radio. Basically submerse myself in the language on a daily basis.

Of course I agree with this, but again I seem to struggle, though admittedly I am not submerging myself enough.

However, I have reached a point where I am considering my brain’s capacity to actually learn a new language. Is it physically possible for me to learn a new language, have I the specific abilities required in this type of learning or is it merely my self doubt hindering my abilities because I insist on being under confident?

Learning is a complex, but it often happens without conscious recognition; it is something we do everyday without thought. I wondered how it was possible to even begin learning anything, how is learning made easy or completed by the brain. Well, after studying Psychology I know the scientific facts of how the brain absorbs and retains information; written, spoken, memories and actions. I have learnt about Neurons, Neural pathways and Synapses. Yet, how does what we learn, see or do actual stick; what acts do we complete whilst learning something to make the physical processes in the brain kick in?

I considered the theory of ‘brain plasticity’, I wondered if it were applicable. Put simply this theory states; plasticity is something that occurs when we engage in new learning and experience, the brain begins to establish neural pathways to compensate. Neural pathways or circuits are routes made of inter-communicating neurons. These routes are created in the brain through learning and practice; like retreading a path. Visual and auditory cortex’s can be involved in the process, as well as muscle memory. The more you revisit the new experience or learning activity, the stronger the connections become, the more efficient they are made and the faster cognition will become.

Sounds simple enough right?! Well, I now have begun to wonder if my brain has lost out on this plasticity malarkey. Just how much brain plasticity I have in reference to being able to learn new language skills?

Now I haven’t completed a scientific test, but surely not all people are able to learn and perfect everything? The scientific theory seems to make it all sound so easy; the old adage of practice makes perfect resonates throughout it. Yet, what if the practice itself is difficult? What if you prefer something more than the other, won’t that effect what and how you learn? How is it that I can read or watch something I find interesting in English, and retain the information immediately, and in Spanish I feel as though my brain resists the information and learning process?

Are some areas of learning or things to be learnt, just out of bounds for some people? I mean not everyone can dance, play guitar, recall their maths times tables; so cannot that be true of language?

I feel there is always a piece of the learning process missing when it comes to practising Spanish. I know practice and effort are the key, but also self belief, confidence and understanding what we are learning have importance too. Maybe they hold more importance than the actual effort and practice. From experience repetition and effort doesn’t always succeed in making learning kick in and stick. Or could it be that once you get past your teens learning becomes more difficult; because finding the time and head space to fully dedicate yourself, and concentrate completely on learning something new becomes more scarce?

Anyway, I intend to put the theories to the test, on myself in any-case. I have the opportunity to do so as the Intercambio meeting went well, and I will be meeting with a couple of people on a regular basis to practice Spanish. Hopefully I can then shock my brain into action or reaction! I don’t really want to seriously consider the fact that my brain might not have the capacity to learn a new language; that thought doesn’t appeal to me. I feel there has to be a way! I will therefore use all the learning techniques available to encourage plasticity. After all, I am Mistress over my own brain, or am I?

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Nosotros no hablamos Inglés..….well, I only speak Spanglish, as English is my comfort blanket.

I have been thinking about living in Madrid, about learning the Spanish language and communication skills; how not being able to fully express myself in Spanish is often frustrating, and how I am reacting to having the comfort blanket of my native language taken away from me.

I recently read a blog by latinaish, the post was called ‘hablar o No hablar?’ I could identify with some of the points she raised. I felt inspired to offer a little bit of my own experience in learning a new language, and then trying to practice and use what I have learnt.

The people I have come into contact with in Madrid either speak no English, or have some command of the language. The younger generations have learnt English in school, but even they are quite self-conscious, under confident, shy or under practiced to use the English language. It is one thing to hear it spoken on a television programme or in a class room, and then to use it for real in a situation that isn’t scripted. I feel the same about Spanish; from the moment I begun learning the language I felt I ought to be immediately 100% proficient, and believed that in only a couple of months I would be reading Shakespeare in Spanish and debating politics! I was setting myself up for failure though, over pressuring myself to be word perfect on a two hour a week lesson!

I think I under estimated how important it is to be heard, to be understood and to interact. It is something I took for granted being an English speaker in the UK. It is an important part of our every-day, yet it is something we just do and think little of. I have never been the type of person to remain quiet in social situations, my life and work has always dictated otherwise. Yet, here in Madrid I find myself on the verge of becoming someone I thought I wouldn’t be; afraid to speak out!

I strongly believe the key to language is confidence and practice, without these you fail to even give yourself the right frame of mind to absorb all you are learning. Don’t get me wrong, I have learnt a lot, and when I look back I cannot believe how far I have come. Especially as Spanish is a language I wasn’t affiliated with at all back in the UK, it was alien to me; no music or programmes in Spanish, in school we learnt French and Welsh as second languages, and I didn’t know any Spanish speakers. In a situation where you move countries, and are literally beginning again, there are so many things to adjust to; and the language is one of many, but the most important. I am in Spain therefore I need to speak Spanish! Life is difficult unless you are prepared to at least try to speak, and without confidence you are in trouble.

I feel learning a language should have been easy for me; my Mother’s family are fluent in Welsh, my Grand Mother is proficient in French and my Grand Father speaks Irish Gaelic! Yet, none of these people saw fit to pass along their knowledge! All of what has been learnt stays with them, they have chosen, even when they could have, not to teach others! Even learning that second language in school was difficult, it had a stigma attached. It is ridiculous to recall that 13 and 14 year olds attitude, but it wasn’t deemed cool. So, I scuppered my own learning when I had the chance, even though I was actually in top sets for both languages, and of course English. Yet, I refused to continue with learning a second language when I was given the option to. I wish I could return to that moment in time and say, ‘wake up fool you’ll need those languages one day and regret it’. I try not to regret anything, as the decision was made for a reason by a person I used to be, but I do regret that.

I know have a renewed opportunity to learn a second language, and I feel my mind and brain battle me all the way. Not because I can’t, but because I feel, just like the Spanish might about English; under confident in my abilities. I feel like a fool using a language I have such a small capacity to communicate fully in. I am frustrated; I understand written and even spoken Spanish (some people speak so fast it is difficult, but I will always get the gist of a conversation), yet, I cannot reply adequately or quickly enough! I speak so slowly, my mind translating everything and it often then forgets the initial question!!!! I feel stupid, like a little kid; so used to being eloquent in English I am struggling to prise myself away from my comfort blanket. It’s the feeling of beginning again; having the language ability of not even a 4 year old, it frightens me!

Language is complex, and how we absorb it is a complex process too. Maybe I am on a back-foot; I am not married to a native Spanish man, my friends here speak great English, which they have been learning and practicing since they were 11. I don’t like Spanish TV or music (sorry!), and I have no family members to pass on to me their built up knowledge. Yet, I think I have overcome obstacles as I have needed to, even as a complete beginner, but now my internal doubt is beginning to rear its head, and hamper my progress!

You see it is this confidence in speaking that troubles me. In Madrid I feel ridiculous going out and just striking up a conversation for the sake of it with a stranger, yet, if I could speak the language well enough I would! It is not that I am adverse in challenging myself; I speak whenever I can to whoever I can, I order food, food shop, visit the local markets, go out to have drinks, travel alone, shop for clothes and wander around the city. Basically I do whatever I would do naturally at home in the UK. In fact being in Madrid feels more like home than the UK, so it isn’t as though I feel uncomfortable. I love travelling, meeting new people and having new experiences; yet for all of this I am in a rut of self-conscious under confidence, which is not usual to me. I could literally slap myself for it!

I am so used to speaking to new people, my education and work has always dictated that; working in communities, for local Government and National Government projects, charities, and even as a tutor. Language is and always has been my strong hold though, and that is the problem; without my comfort blanket here in Madrid I feel I have lost my niche, my ability, a fundamental part of me! Who am I without my own language?!

When I do speak though, I am not a complete lost cause, I am usually understood! People have even mistaken me for a Spanish senorita! When out and about I am spoke to, I am asked various questions; when I say I am not Spanish or explain I am currently leaning the language they then look at me as though I am lying, I have to be Spanish! It is as though I am at odds; I seem Spanish, but I am not Spanish, I speak, but then I am too shy, I experience the new, but afraid of what might happen. Learning a language seems full of complex contradictions, it is easy to give advice and say what should be done, but every person reacts differently. I just wish there was magic spell to help me fathom it all out and send me on my way!

What I know I don’t want is to leave Madrid, and again, feel I have scuppered my own learning, feel bad about not just getting on with it like everyone else does! I want to liberate myself from my internal voice of doubt, I want to break free and learn! Yet, actions speak louder than words right?! I think I just need a final push, and one day it’ll click and make sense. Or, maybe I’ll wake up like Brendon Fraser in ‘Bedazzled’, and just be able to speak Spanish because of a magic spell! One can at least live in hope!

See below link for ‘Bedazzled’ Brendan Fraser and his miraculous ability to speak fluent Spanish! Extremely funny clip for all those frustrated in learning a new language!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd2RR4bO_9g&feature=related (link courtesy of memoring)

Please leave me your comments with your thoughts, experiences and any advice! Thanks for reading!

Learning; not just relegated to the classroom.

Above image from: simonox found on http://letspracticepresenttenses.blogspot.com.es

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.