Negativity

“Negativity; a natural state of being human”.

Bex 2013

Turn Over A New Leaf

Since my last post ‘A Helping Hand’, I have been trying to reconsider my position or imposition.

I do not propose to dwell upon what I wrote, although I realise it will take time to change what I feel I might be missing within myself or my life. Yet, at the moment I am looking at reassessing myself. I am on a mission of self discovery – I want to relocate exactly what I am all about as a person, to try and redefine me. Since I last checked – I have changed, just as my situation has. This is something I have to accept, come to terms with, work with and not run away from.

So, I took on some advice from those bloggers who responded to my last post (BY THE WAY – THANK YOU!!). I have obtained a copy of ‘What Colour Is Your Parachute’ – which is helping to push me into quantifying myself, to ask myself questions I might be a little afraid of.

I am looking into what ‘meet up’ groups are out there in Madrid for me to get together with people who might be of interest.

Once again I am looking at volunteering positions, and perhaps taking on whatever part time jobs might be available.

I cannot say for certain if any of these things will bring me what I look for or indeed even come to fruition; yet, I will try.

What I do believe is that where I am now, is where I wanted to be. I have gotten exactly what I required, and also, what I needed. I shouldn’t therefore see this as a wasted opportunity – it is a gift of time out from things that injured me. When I am ready to re-engage with whatever I lost or left behind or I buried inside – I will, and not one moment before. I can’t force myself to do, be, or become anything until I am ready, until the time is right. So, I accept what is, I will try to progress and find a direction, BUT, I propose to just enjoy what I have, as that is all there is.

Thank you, sincerely, to the bloggers who responded and provided advice and expressed concern.

I appreciate your input and all you shared with me.

THANK YOU!!!!!!

A Helping Hand

Recently I have been speaking to people about what is takes to help them help themselves through certain situations, which are impacting upon their lives and well-being.

This is a personal issue really, one that involves not just other people, but also myself. I have realised, for some time actually, that this notion of ‘helping yourself’, is something of a hurdle for me at the moment too.

Now I know I am really good at lending helping hands to other people, it had been part and parcel of my many job descriptions over the years, and I did it without question. Providing advice, options, sign posting, information, listening and even comforting others; yet, helping myself to progress, to move on, to find direction, right now I seem unable to, I am beginning to fail myself.

We all find there are times when we have lost ourselves, some control and direction. How do we regain focus and find what we have misplaced????? Is it a case of actions speaking louder than words, or is it that once we find ourselves stuck – we remain so???

Do we all need a helping hand, a sign to show us the way sometimes?? Or is all that help and direction laying dormant within us, and waiting for us to actually see and hear it – rather than insisting upon searching beyond ourselves for answers???

Taking some time out to do what you want, or to think about what it is you want from your life – has to be a good thing, we all need time out. Time out can help us to regain our life’s compass settings. Time out takes you out of you, and the situation you find yourself in – it can help us to see things clearer – to then perhaps progress.

I think thinking is great, but doing something is too. Yet, how do you know what to do and when to do it – how can we know how if we are lost??? Is it just finding a reason to want to do something, and begin the ball rolling, which will help us to then move on and find what is missing in us and our lives? Can we then escape the pit that our lives have fallen into??

What if you don’t want to help yourself though, or more poignantly, can’t help yourself – how can you then progress and move on???

If there is help available for you to help yourself then take it! Yet, help isn’t always there – so what do you do then??

If you don’t know your direction in life; I empathise, as neither do I!!! Nothing I do or think changes this either – it seems complex, unless I am over thinking it all!!!!!!

I am stuck with uncertainties regarding my future, just as anyone could be. Only difference is I know about it in advance, and others might not have this insight so early on. Can I change anything about what might happen to me, well, I have tried.  Have I tried hard enough though, no not really – I have been lazy too long a time.

I now find myself wondering if I have the ability to take back my life and direction. So, what happens – depends on IF
I want to help myself or whether I just continue to sit back, and let MY life slide out of view (well, eventually, perhaps).

Sorry to be angst ridden and depressive, no one likes negative moaners right? Yet, sometimes, I feel like airing my laundry publicly and admitting – I have issues too!!!!! I am stuck, lost and confounded. I require a sign post, a helping hand. I don’t have all the answers I might need. I don’t have all the strength I might need to find my way either.

I admit that, so what??? Turn your back and think pathetic fool? Or, just maybe you get what I feel, and can lend that helping hand as I know I have, and would time and time again.

Yet, you are not me……………….

…………………………………………..and I am not you.

Daily Prompt: Toot Your Horn

“Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself”.

 

This is quite a difficult question to answer, in my opinion.

It is reminiscent of those awful interview questions that are asked of you when you least expect it! Everyone dreads forming a genuine answer, as no-one is really certain that ‘favourite thing’ and themselves should even be coupled in the same sentence.

Yes, we are, or most of us are, excellent at being self-depreciating; but isn’t that how we are brought up to be? Hasn’t that been societies way of making us displeased with ourselves; making us believe we are all mini projects never quite completed to the ‘standard’ required?

I often struggled with finding one thing about me I liked as a child; these feelings of restraint, or not ‘blowing my own horn’ then followed me into adulthood. I never felt quite good enough in any respect. It was difficult for me to show what I could do; whether that was talent, skill or intelligence.

I often allowed others to just take centre stage, because I didn’t think I belonged there. This was because I was so uncertain of myself and afraid, though I often hid that very well to conceal those disconcerting facts. I know in some ways, I still do.

You see, being bullied relentlessly from the moment you begin school, does tend to take its toll upon your self esteem and image. Especially when you are reminded on a daily basis by ‘friends’, ‘classmates’ and teachers alike that you are useless. This heinous reinforcement is then difficult to unpick, even by family.

So, what about at this moment – what is my favourite thing about me? I’m getting to that honestly, just wait a moment!

As a consequence of being bullied and other situations which were also difficult for me to deal with growing up; I actually learned a lot about people, life and myself.

Yes, my confidence and self image took a massive blow to the back of the head, but I have worked to reverse that by learning to fight my own corner. This took time, but I did, and it was the most important thing I found I was able to do to help myself.

How, well by using my words to overcome whatever obstacle confronts me. Words have helped me to not be at the mercy of other people’s nastiness, judgements, ill treatment or whatever else they use in their arsenal to hurt their fellow human beings. I no longer allow ‘would be bullies’ the power to put me down.  This in turn has helped me leave the bullied and powerless child and teen that I was, in the past.

So, my favourite thing about me is my ability to express myself. Without my words I think I would have retreated away from the world, but with them I managed to move forward, find confidence, courage and a place for me regardless of where I am. They allowed me to; challenge myself, to discover, to develop and to achieve, not only just to stand up for myself! Using words to my advantage has had a massive impact on me and my life.

Am I ready to storm that centre stage? Well, I am not adverse to the suggestion any longer, thanks to my words!