Here They Come, The Pretentious Ones.

A few months back I set myself a challenge of sorts, perhaps it was more of a quest! The motivation behind this ‘quest’, well I wanted to immerse myself more than I had previously decided to, within Madrid social spheres. Basically, I hoped to meet new and interesting people, to maybe form friendships with.

Well, as some of you may recall, I have achieved this. I joined countless meet-up groups, circulated, discussed and had fun. I met people I have remained in contact with, people I now call friends, and others, others I actually don’t want to meet again!

This is social trial and error!

I suppose by the very nature of being social, you cannot pick and choose who you meet! I quickly began to notice that I was coming into contact with one type of individual though; time and time again the pretentious ones would make themselves known.

So often, whilst in tne company of others, this characteristic reared its ugly, boring, childish, poisionous, carefully applied and maintained, self absorbed head.

One human characteristic I abhor, and freely admit I have no time to pretend I am interested in indulging, is pretension.

I am used to pretentious people though, I have experience in dealing with them on countless occasions; from being a student at school, being an employee, a friend and so on. Unfortunately pretension is, and always will be, here, there and everywhere; hiding in full view amongst people of all ages and backgrounds. Just like a sociopath / psychopath, the pretentious ones exist in quantities the rest of us would be surprised about!

It seems that everyone has at some point in their life, had to associate with a pretensious individual.

Why is pretension so terrible though? Well, the pretentious ones spoil and pollute not only social occasions. They turn all gatherings into a competition, a school-yard, a charade, a stage for them to flex their pretentious muscles and exert their superiority on the ‘simpletons’ surrounding them.

Yet, I ensure I remain aloof and thoroughly unimpressed by what others might deem to be high intelligence, grandeur, intimidating wonder, superiority or whatever else. I have no patience to sit, listen and feed the ego of the pretentious ones!

In my experience, there is definately something about ‘the arts’ that attracts this type of person, drawing them out from the woodwork in droves.

Intellectualism and creativity is great, but by being these things does it have to then delete all the ‘people skills’ a person might possess? Why do the pretentious ones suddenly forget they are human, only human, just like all the other flesh and bloods walking about this humble pile of dirt! I don’t understand why they adopt an attitude of superiority, when we are all learning, all of the time! None of us are impervious!

In fact though, experience dictates that such people actually feel, but conceal, a deep seated sense of insecurity. They doubt themselves, their choices and their social status; hence their attitude, their carefully applied and mainained persona, their pretension.

They battle to be seen as ‘cool’, but I only see insular, boring, supercilious, restricted and fragile.

Why do the pretentious ones derive comfort in shunning the genuine and real though? Why do they prefer not to celebrate individuality, and refuse to delve into enjoying life? Why do they restrict themselves so tightly? Why the charade? Why the fakery? Why act as though nothing is capable of impressing them, everything is passé, why be supercilious and bored by it all – even though they haven’t really actually lived!!

Why impose this on others, socially?! How social is that attitude, NOT very!

I really don’t understand why pretentious people tend to like, and pursue activities they feel identifies, and associates them with being seen as an intellectual! I doubt whether they enjoy ‘the arts’ as much as they profess they do. I feel they say they like such things to fit in, to be part of a crowd. Whether this crowd is categorised as elite or not, it is still a crowd, rather like being back in school!

Intellectual and creative pursuits are not just for the pretentious people of the world. Although amongst their cliques, the pretentious ones excel at being priggish or ‘posh’. They work to belittle, and deny anything that doesn’t fit with their ideals of what is ‘in’, what is cool, what is creative and intellectual.

They ring-fence intellect and creativity; constraining them, exerting their influence and pontificating about what they believe these things to be. Basically removing what these things symbolise fundamentally; freedom, change, diversity and so on.

What is this attitude if not one belonging to someone from a high school clique, a teenage wannabe?

They tell others what is acceptable, how to behave, function and think.

People never grow out of this pretentious behaviour either, and no one confronts them!

I just don’t get it! I just don’t like it! I just can’t tolerate it socially!

What has happened that people just can’t have fun, be silly, mess about, admit they are wrong, laugh at themselves and just live! What is wrong with that? Why can’t they be intelligent, creative and interesting without being so conceited, and self absorbed? Sometimes it seems as though they can’t smile through fear of cracking their face!

Honestly I can’t think of anything worse, going through life worrying how you appear, ignoring people and things you deem beneath you. Basically, these people are so stiff they seem dead already! This is NO way to live! No way at all! All things considered, I actually feel quite sorry for the pretentious ones. They are so constraint, they cannot change, they are stuck in a rut and can’t escape. How very sad.

NOTE: Before people critique my writing as judgemental and stereotypical, I have to state I don’t deem all intellectuals or creatives as pretentious people. I am discussing certain people, certain situations from my experiences and via my own opinions. I am not judging or commenting on ALL creative and intellectual people, merely some!

When is Honesty The Best Policy???

This is a strange question to ask and you might be thinking; ‘we all know in our hearts and minds what honesty is and how to apply it carefully to any given situation’, but maybe that in itself is being dishonest?

Shouldn’t we be completely open, never holding back, let it all go for all to see all of the time??? Isn’t that the way not to deceive people??

Or, is a direct question then deserved of a direct answer; then we can and will tell the truth??

Are we naturally more honest in some situations and experiences than we are in others, for example; you tell a few lies on the internet as no one knows you really??

I have been considering honesty, the truth or telling people all they need or want to know without holding back. This isn’t the first time I have written about the truth and what it can signify: You Can’t Handle The Truth

So, is learning the truth an epiphany moment or highly detrimental to any human’s ego, idea of themselves, their life and God knows what else??? Is it cruel or kind to be honest, really honest?

I am an advocate of speaking my mind, and can say in my personal life I do when I see it is necessary, but I also think something’s aren’t for me to comment on, and aren’t for to ask or question. Yet, if I am asked a question or for my opinion I give my reply as honestly and openly as I am able to.

Like this blog I write. I have been discussing this very topic with a few people, in fact a couple of people who write on WP. Now, I choose not to be 100% all out there, you won’t get a full picture of me from my writing on here. Why? Well not because I plan to deceive, but because I wish to leave something of myself to myself, a part of me has to stay with me and not be given up to other people. Not everything is for the ‘whole’ world to see, well, not all of the time.

It isn’t anyone’s business unless they ask, or I divulge because I choose to. That for me is the premise of life; you give what you decide to and no more. I only write about what is relevant for me at any given moment, and only include what reflects that moment. I don’t see the need to mention myself perhaps, or indeed my private life and history, if it isn’t necessary. If others choose to do that, then that is their choice and I don’t judge.

Now this lack of complete honesty leads people to assume, but then I am not responsible for people’s assumptions.

As I have already mentioned, I am honest with those I feel inclined to be honest with; friends, family and those valued internet connections (you know who you are). I also appreciate other peoples honesty, but when honesty crosses the line into being cruel I then don’t think it has a place in society.

An example, well, an obvious one that I have asked and I am sure every woman along the way has (an assumption perhaps); ‘Does my bum look big in this’? At some stage in my life I wouldn’t have wanted to hear bluntly; ‘Yes, you look like an elephant stuffed into it’. I may have already thought that about my-self, so I needed to be reassured instead of told the complete harsh and cruel truth. We all need to be reassured sometimes, as self esteem is a fragile thing.

You see we all enjoy some lies, because truth can sometimes be soul destroying to hear or know.

Now to return to my blog; well to admit one thing I would be more candid about myself and my feelings if I didn’t have people I know reading this too. You see my plan was to remain anonymous, but that soon gave way when I invited family and friends to look at my work. You see even with them, and they are close to me, I am not 100% honest all of the time. We all conceal something of ourselves, because those aspects of us are sacred to us.

In fact there are only two people in the whole world I am comfortable being completely honest with. See, there I go again; I can’t help telling a little fib! We can’t ever 100% know anyone. We may know we are editing our words and feelings, but sometimes it is to shield others from the aspects of ourselves we can’t even admit.

So, if I suddenly became Jim Carrey’s character from ‘Liar Liar’ how would that help to free me? Would it help me?

What part of me would be left if I told everyone everything?

So, again how honest is honest and is honesty always the best policy in life?

Well I suppose it is up to the individual to decide. Who am I to make that call for anyone! Yet, when we speak the truth does anyone really want to hear the reply? I think we are not always ready to hear the truth, because again it can be painful, force us to re-evaluate what we believe we know and also prompt us to re-think. People as a species don’t tend to like that much, as we all like to think we are right, we are pursuing the right course, we have all the answers we need, we know people well enough.

Again, this might come as a shock, but to reiterate; we don’t know anyone 100% as that would be an impossible feat.

So, to all my readers, I am sorry to disappoint you, but you don’t know me either, well, you know a portion of who I am; but if I was the write about me and everything there is to know about me, you’d be bored. No-one wants to hear my every little detail, no-one really cares unless my details are appropriate in that moment, and not everyone could fully understand.

So, what is my honest opinion about honesty, well, ask me and I will tell you!

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Ambition Drives The Wheels Of Success.

Or does it?? Maybe ambition can hamper success, depends on what you aim to succeed at. We are all encouraged to do something that people themselves have a knowledge or experience in. What if you want to be something different, out of the norm? How do you succeed at a profession which sometimes has no written formula of success? What happens is that one day you wake to realise you are never going to be that rock star, astronaut or ballet dancer, and then life sucks! How can anyone settle for less than their hearts burning desire?

I would love there to be some education into actually helping kids discover how to become what they truly want to be, however off the wall it may appear to be, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many mid-life breakdowns!

Some things are nothing to do with ambition, but the application of it. How do you ever know you are applying it correctly when people in general don’t seem to have the answers you may require??

After years labouring in one direction I have now chosen to turn away from a ‘career’ path I thought I should pursue; again living up to other people’s ideals of a life. Now I am left wandering in the darkness wondering how to make what I truly want to achieve happen! How do you become a rock star?? How do you get a golden ticket in life?? Does one exist or are we all labouring under some false delusion instilled by the fairy tales we watched and read as children?

One final thought; I’d have found career services in school/college/work far more beneficial if they hadn’t just focused on the academic careers.  I was led to believe that I’d get no-where pursuing my creative side, and now I haven’t a clue how to truly forge a path into that working environment.

Maybe it is all luck or again that elusive and un-quantified term, FATE.

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

We’re On The Road To Nowhere………..

It is something intrinsic to most, but perhaps not all humans; to reflect back upon past events. This act can be useful, but it can also prove to be a torturous affair, especially if by what occurred, we ought to have inherently learnt something of value to replicate in similar future circumstances. Yeah, we all learn SOMETHING, but it isn’t always the epiphany we may have been waiting for. In life it doesn’t always matter how much you learn or what events you watch unfold a thousand times; the power to avert some of life’s little disasters is not always in your hands. Could it be a cause and consequence of that tricky little thing called; FATE???????

Anyway, I ramble on and too happily divert! From such repetition of events in my life, something occurred which I had been expecting for a long while. This was something I lived with and hated, but as there were financial constraints, and expectations applied by myself and forced upon me I naturally kept moving towards the inevitable ending.

To put it simply, for many years I loathed my job, as too many people do! What really got me was I had been the type of person to move from place to place; once the bad got going I was gone, and not because I had no commitment, but because I knew as any lady does when not to outstay the welcome! Any job can turn bad, especially with the economic downturn, but because of that very thing the option to leave the miserable predicament was beyond me. I had tried to make it better, ‘its just a job’ as my boyfriend would say, but the dire situation I was stuck in a rut with was making me depressed.

It was no use moaning I had to face facts, I was stuck and stagnating to the point where not even medication was enough to keep a smile on my face. My life or more importantly myself, was crumbling and in danger of being left to disintegrate in the seventh circle of Hell I felt I had seemingly created for myself!

When you are in Hell, you are alone. No amount of consolation, sincere or forced can help you feel hope or comfort; and a life without hope is pretty grim on a day to day basis. I couldn’t believe that this was it, forever and ever. Hadn’t I been brought into this world for something more? I was losing my way and there were no directions, I was in deep ‘do-do’!

To cut the story short; in the end there was a messy snake fest, where to say the least they tried to squash the last remaining life out of me, but there in that moment was my chance to bite back, AT LAST!!!! I had waited years to sock it to ‘em and now they had made their final transgression against me!

Well, I got what I wanted, with some help and it was a pleasure to be honest. I eventually got to see the powers that be understand my situation. So I was then all of a sudden cut free, AT LAST, and I was wildly ecstatic! I had prayed for for such a request from the moment I realised it was turning sour. I had my wish suddenly granted, and I felt an overwhelming relief I hadn’t felt since achieving such success as, brilliant A Level results and passing my driving test! Could this granted wish leave me feeling on a high forever, I was certain the answer was a definite and loud, YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.