Oh dear, off I traipse again – back to the UK.
I am not necessarily as thrilled as I thought I would be. In fact, I am thoroughly mixed up about whether I am happy to be returning or not; these mixed up feelings are nothing new!
I felt initially it was a good thing for me. Time alone, get my head back where it should be, break away from certain ‘stress’ factors. Also, there are still things I have to attend to, things I didn’t manage to fully complete on my last visit. Plus, the summer here has really been taking its toll on me, this year I am SUFFERING!!!!
Yet, I feel a little frustrated by the interruption a return visit to the UK will create.
Today I received an invite to go somewhere from a really good friend here, a good friend that I don’t get to see as often as I’d like to. Going back means I will miss this opportunity, yet again, just like last time I had to return to the UK.
In a way it seems like time out makes everything suffer. Recently there has been lots of new things that I am just beginning to really get involved with, and now I have to leave it all behind for a six week stay in the UK!!!
I begin hitting my stride here in Madrid and BAM!!!!! Back to the UK I have to go.
So, not only are plans to progress being thwarted, but plans with friends too. I can’t live a life, a full and rich life with either foot in two different camps. This year I have spent more time in the UK than actually in Madrid – or at least it feels that way.
I know most people desert the city during August, so there won’t be much to actually miss out on, but I feel somehow I WILL be missing out. The issue is, once I return to Madrid it takes me a bit of time to re-adjust, to really get back into living here again. Being in Madrid is a whole different ball game to being in the UK. The more often I return to the UK, the more I can clearly see the differences between here and there;
AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE DIFFERENCES!!!!!
I also like hiding away from certain B.S that lurks in the UK. Yes, hiding away!!!
I just want to feel fully immersed in this life, this life here in Madrid.
I know I have another year here, well, until December 2014, but so far getting moving and actually accomplishing anything concrete has been a nightmare.
At the moment feeling I am settling and making steps to move forward is crucial for me. For once, which is unusual for me – I am actually valuing staying put, making plans and not flitting from one thing to another. I am enjoying knowing that I have some stability, something to build up upon socially and ‘career’ wise. All this back and forth just seems to undermine that stability!!!!!!!
Anyway, I apologise for how dumb this may ‘sound’ upon reading. I feel these issues really are THE most stupid of things to ‘moan’ about. After all, NONE of these ‘issues’ constitute as the end of the world!!!!!!!! I hear you all say – Bex, WHAT THE HELL?! OK, noted and I am currently shaking myself, and ceasing to be so self absorbed!!!!!!!!