The Dating Game

*Sigh* what a crazy conundrum the world of perpetual first dates must be, a virtual nightmare, based more on style than substance.

I am left wondering as I read about the newest form of dating via the internet, the Tinder app, how people actually ever get into a real relationship these days, especially as there seems to be an endless list of dos and don’ts as far as ‘dating’ goes.

Don’t look as though you are being too forward or desperate, don’t dress too casual or too provocative, don’t say that, don’t be too friendly or familiar, don’t open the door for a woman, don’t smile too much, don’t drink too much, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Some dos and don’ts might make sense, but some, it’s a little anal retentive!  

I actually question whether dating even exists anymore anyway, as I don’t actually consider a drink with a stranger as a date, a string of intrusive and often rude questions as a date, divvying up the bill and quarrelling over who pays as a date.

My idea of Hell (well, one of my ideas of Hell in any case); stuck in a room full of strange people who obviously are surveying and rating or berating the flesh before them, making judgements and snide comments and either thinking solely with their crotch or their hearts like lovesick teens. Yuck!

I know people are just too busy to be people any more, too busy to interact and communicate and just be real instead of virtual, but come on, seriously? Another online dating thingy majig, another one to add to the hundreds, no, thousands already in cyberspace?!

Where has reality gone?

Where have all the real people gone?

Where has the real deal communication and interpersonal skills gone? Those skills everyone always claim to possess on a CV, but can’t produce as the goods in the real world!

Why is everything so virtual, scripted and has never ending sets of ridiculous rules attached?

I like you, you like me, great lets go for coffee, lunch, dinner, a walk in the park? How difficult is that? Just approach someone, just be genuine and interested and approach a person and speak!

No, now that would be too easy!

What is wrong with a simple approach and then just going with the flow thereafter?

Is it the fact we are now a society and culture that is so manipulated, and dominated by our hard-wired discrimination, and die-hard consumerism that we always have to have an agenda, a list of what must be? If a person falls short of our list of ‘must haves’ we are disappointed, devastated and turned off immediately. After all we deserve nothing short of perfect, even if we ourselves, by the very nature of humanity, are severely lacking in perfection. Yet, our other half must be perfection personified.  

We have to have the Stepford woman or man on our arm, because the person who farts, or speaks out of line or doesn’t wax their bits and bobs or won’t have sex on the 1^st date or insists on being, well, anything we frown upon in this golden age of liberation (for both sexes), just isn’t good enough for our exacting standards and our little wonderful life plan. A life plan by the way, which will never come to fruition, especially if we insist on setting ourselves unrealistic and unobtainable goals, just like obtaining the perfect woman or man.

Now, I admit I’m not au fait with the dating scene. I am therefore no doubt naïve to all of this new-fangled approach to dating, but this means I have no qualms in seeing it all as being ridiculous and OTT.

I can’t help but pick holes with these new methods of dating and these rules of attack or engagement, or whatever! Frankly, I wouldn’t put up with the shit that the dating scene apparently requires its participants to go through to secure a date. I would actually rather pay for a date, literally, then sell myself short and pretend to be, well, whatever someone else wanted me to be! Sod that!

For me there is no fun in fake; telling lies to suit others ears just doesn’t turn me on. Such lies (pretending to always be some polished débutante and polite wonder goddess) would only just stack up trouble for any possible future with that ‘date’.  Why can’t we just go out and date and be ourselves. Say; “I am me and proud of it, and anyone who has a problem with that can just walk back out of the door they just came through, I won’t lose sleep”!

Don’t get me wrong, I can be the compromise queen and I accept flaws – relationships are give and take, it can’t all be one-sided ‘what will you do for me’ crap and nonsense. However, I wouldn’t want to sacrifice so much of me just to get a man that I am no longer me. What is the point in that?

If that is what you have to do to date, and be successful on the new dating scene then I would be single, though I hate that word. Single denotes somehow an air of not enough, dissatisfaction as though you need another person to be whole and validated. What utter *insert rude word here*.  

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is this; when did dating and all of this stuff become so complicated??? Who changed the ‘rules’ and why? What can anyone gain from feeling as though they are about to play a game of war, rather than have a connected, social human interaction, which should be interesting and fun?

I just want to ask one more thing; if you are currently dating, please try and date in the real world first (at least). You never know, it might actually be more fulfilling and worthwhile than sitting on a computer for hours completing silly, and irrelevant on-line compatibility questionnaires about how you take your coffee, ‘black or with milk’ – who cares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        

    

Associated articles:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/28/feminist-dating-emma-jane-unsworth

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/23/tinder-shallowest-dating-app-ever

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-cloud9/201305/10-dating-dos-and-donts-6-therapists

https://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/first-date-advice-12-dos-donts-every-girl-224100905.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10262728/Dating-dos-and-donts-of-the-pick-up.html

 

 

Life’s Little Vultures

There are people out there who seem to thrive on wishing harm upon and doing harm to others. These people go out of their way to injure others, just because it lightens up their otherwise dull non-existence. 

I call these people life’s little vultures (little being the operative word; small things please small minds). 

Vultures seem to only ever want the worst for you, and for no other reason other than the fact you are you. They may hide behind their friendly smiles and an avid interest in you and your life, but in reality these people are your enemies; predators posing as house pets.

These people come in all shapes and sizes, or designations. Some are family members, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, and heaven forbid, your partner. 

Now, some might say these people are social psychopaths, but I disagree, and that makes their behaviour even more unforgivable.

They know full well what they are doing is wrong. They choose to act as they do, it is not merely their nature or nurture to blame. They know they are hurting others, but they enjoy hurting others just to see the effect and outcome their hate filled spite, and insidious jealousy will have. Yet, if the shoe was on their foot, they wouldn’t like it at all.

There is often no rhyme or reason for why they choose their victims, but as I have mentioned in various other posts, 99.9% of the time it is because they are jealous. Jealousy is the biggest compliment anyone can pay you (I’ve written about this before too), but it can also do significant damage.

The damage, is what these vultures want, like hungry wolves baying for blood.

I have experienced such people throughout my life, as I am sure you all have too. As I have grown older though, I have very little time for such fake and phony vultures, and usually can spot them a mile off. There is something about these type of people that just always remains visible. Regardless of how well they wear their friendly disguise, their mask does slip, if you know what to look for.

I have worked with, met and been friends with many, many people from all over the world. In that, perhaps I have more people experience than some, and this experience has taught me to watch myself, and keep my guard up whenever I meet someone new. Luckily, there are more nice people in the world, well, in my world (thankfully), than baddies. But, whenever I do encounter one of these baddies, one of these vultures, they are usually akin to The Wicked Witch of the East (that is the men and the women)! They are real deal nasty pieces of work, but nevertheless, something about their aura, essence, body language and eyes betrays them every time.

My most recent encounter with a vulture came in the guise of a young woman from the UK. We met via a meet-up group. Immediately I sensed she didn’t like me, which was inexplicable as we hadn’t even got passed the ‘hello, I’m…’ stage, but I knew. Her vibe was off.

Of course I ignored it, as after all it was a meet-up group, and I didn’t necessarily need to be bosom buddies with any one I met through such a group. So, the weeks progressed and I attended more of the same meet-ups this young woman was also at, and by the by she let her mask slip ever more. Unfortunately, I was her target, that was certainly made clear!

However, I didn’t lament as I am big enough, and bad enough to handle any would be vultures. I quickly and eloquently redirected her sharp little digs and of course, remained as pleasant as ever killing her with kindness. This really flummoxed her. I suppose she thought I’d be offended, crumble or avoid her, but, no, I continued to enjoy the meet-up groups, get along with everyone present, be involved with conversations and of course, enjoy laughing with others.

So, what was her problem?

 

Well, she wasn’t comfortable socially. She had claimed to be X and Y, and to have travelled and so on and so on, but this was all a lie. A lie I had caught her out on, on more than one occasion (not on purpose, may I add). Her obvious awkward actions and behaviour just gave her away as a fraud, none of what she said added up. She was not what she claimed to be. She lied to fit in, but I didn’t buy her lies.

Now I’m the sort of person who couldn’t care a less whether you are The Queen of Sheba or haven’t got a pot to pee in, so long as you are a nice person and don’t try to harm me or mine, but this young woman thought she could do just that. She was wrong; you bite me, and I bite back!!

Did she get the message?

Loud and clear! She now avoids me. Whenever I see her she ensures she sits as far away from me as possible, oh, such a shame! She keeps her head lowered and her voice also. Don’t get me wrong, we are polite enough to one another, ‘Hello, how are you?’ but that is as far as it goes. And that for me, is far enough!

Is there a moral to the tale?

Yes, don’t let any vulture fly about and peck at your head, clip its wings with a rather large and sharp pair of scissors! It works a treat every time!    

 

 

 

           

Updates!

Yes, well I thought it about time to update everyone, and anyone interested in recent and interesting events.

Things, seemingly, have settled down.

Is this the power of positive thinking at its best? I am inclined to think so!!!

OK, I have, *cough* and drum roll, officially become an English teacher. How the Hell did that happen?! She asks bemused!

I mean I had to be THE most unlucky and hap-hazard teacher in ALL of Madrid. Everyone else had floods of students, and me, well I couldn’t catch a fish if, well, if I fell in the river and, however the saying goes!

 

Yet, with a little ‘networking’; hehe, get me, a little networking, well I never! Seems that International Politics degree did give me some skills to transfer into my life after all! I’m being cynical, it has worked wonders for me so far, honestly.

What makes the work situation better, is that I am calling the shots. This is the great thing about taking on private classes! Oh, but I may have an interview on Friday.  Just thought I’d throw that one in the mix too! It has taken long enough, so I am EXTREMELY happy!

NO jinxing me, please! Remember, what goes around WILL come around.

So, from all of this soon to be teaching, there is money in the bank? Well, not yet, but it will happen! Yipppeeee! So, I can tick one ‘to do’ off my list then? Hoping so!

The social groups are revealing THE most interesting people. ‘Like attracting like’ (rules of attraction); there I go again, blowing my own trumpet, dear me.

I have met so many people who have just been able to open the relevant doors for me. I actually feel, although reticent to say it allowed, blessed.

For once in a long while, I feel my direction is going in a direction! I feel like I am walking on rose petals and not poisoned thorns, a little dramatic I know, but so true.

There is fertile ground, land ahoy, the storm is over – OK, not over, just a temporary reprieve and I am sure it will resume soon enough. So, I err on the side of caution, BUT, maintain a positive outlook!

I have also managed to meet some pretty cool friends too. I have been a bit of a social butterfly recently, and am loving it! Why not, I am young and although not single, I am free (not cheap, merely free).

The volunteering is still going well, I am chief researcher; ta dah! I maybe a real ‘geek’ , but I LOVE research.

Oh, and I am writing for ANOTHER blog, as a guest writer! This is great, as there is a ready made ‘fan base’. I am so unused to lots of people merely just liking my writing without prompt, I could get used to it!!!!

Finally, but not nor ever will it be THE end of it; my Spanish practice. Mas or menos igual; in other words, it is more or less equal to what it was. Though, I am feeling more confident.

Today I have had to speak to people in Spanish via the telephone. What the Hell has happened to me????!!!! Actually speaking on the telephone in a language I have been quite afraid of using!!! Telephone conversations were posing an obstacle for me on the confidence stakes. Yet, I managed it, although, not in a hurry to repeat it.

Oh, but I have found THE best ‘intercambio’ partner though. She is a Spanish teacher, and so nice. I do feel my confidence to increase my communication is on the rise, yes actual conversation, woo hoo! Watch this space people, anything is possible!

 

 

 

 

 

The Man-Child

Over grown, over educated (maybe even still in full time education whilst in their 30’s), living with family or friends (like some frat house experience), no commitment, if employed working on some type of made up position derived from some internship, opinionated, socially uncomfortable, self absorbed, full of their own self importance, stuck in their ways and clinging onto what they are used to, domineering, shifty body language, uncomfortable around women and women’s opinions.

The man-child.

Oh, and let us not forget when he cannot get people to succumb to his wants, needs, desires or whatever, he throws a tantrum. He demonstrates inappropriate anger in inappropriate ways to unsuspecting people.

Such a horrible specimen of ‘manhood’ was in my presence last night.

I have joined some social meet up groups within the Madrid area, and one of these was the Skeptics Group. Yes a skeptics group! Now usually I refrain form associating with Philosophers in general, why, well as a rule I have found them to be, I don’t want to generalise too much here; full of their own self importance, and of their own intellectual status. Yet, the group sounded interesting, so I thought I’d go along and see.

For some reason the organiser, the usual organiser, decided he couldn’t return from Germany for the meeting. So, he randomly nominated me as the stand in organiser for the meeting. As I explained to him, I was not familiar with Skeptical theory and it was my first meeting. Yet, this did not bother the organiser.

OK, well I assumed the group would be a nice bunch of individuals; understanding, able to listen, oh, and respectful of others. So, what the Hell, I gave it a go!

Throughout the meeting I felt a bad vibe from the only man in attendance (the friend, and associate of the actual group organiser). Now, the group was small, four including me – three women and one man. Yet, he wasn’t interested in us as people, he didn’t ask us anything about ourselves, our life or background. He was very clinical and odd. Strange body language, shifty and as though he wasn’t too happy with how the discussion was progressing.

Maybe he felt threatened by the female presence, frustrated he hadn’t been nominated stand in organiser by his friend (the actual organiser), perhaps he misconstrued some of what had been said (he was Spanish, and I think his English level wasn’t as good as he thought it was). I wonder if our native English tongue intimidated him, plus, the fact we didn’t necessarily agree with his opinions and views might have riled him too. Who can be sure!

It wasn’t until the conversation split; him and one woman, and me and the other woman present. I spoke only to say I had to leave soon, as I was tired, nothing much more. well, when I related this to him, he didn’t like this and decided to ‘flip out’. Only way to really describe it, he flipped out!

It was like he had been waiting patiently all night to say something, to cause an argument with me, and why, who knows, and who knows what bee was in in his bonnet!

Anyway, he accused me of lying, the reason I was leaving was another that I was too afraid to admit, I was being untruthful about my thoughts and feelings. I was concealing something from him!

What the………!! Did I just doze off, and wake only to find I had arrived in the Twilight Zone?

I had only just met him – two hours previous, and already he was convinced he knew my inner motives, he knew what I truly felt. I mean, if he had, he would have known I was thinking what a loser he was being at that particular moment! It seemed he was trying to depict me as this distrustful liar to the group for a reason. Wow, what insight, NO, what rude audacity!

I took it lightly, an argument with what was obviously an aggressive man was not on my list of ‘to do’s’ that day. So I said,
“Is he joking with me? He is fooling around right, he doesn’t mean it as I think he does”?
One of the women then replied,
“Yeah, he is fooling around, as no one would act like such an arse-hole” (jest intended to lighten the obvious prevailing bad atamosphere).

Oh dear, that was a mistake. He then turned his venom upon her.

Now my understanding of Spanish profanities is limited, as I am a lady 🙂 Yet, I am pretty damn sure he used everything in his arsenal to create one moment of utter hatred, which was aimed at an unsuspecting woman.

I was aghast. I was already standing up to go, and I could only just stand there, in complete shock. I didn’t know what the Hell he was playing at and why. I wondered whether it was a good idea to lurch across the table and spank him! Yet, the woman he spoke to with such a vile, and disgusting attitude was so calm; as too was the other woman witnessing it! They were cool and level headed, intelligent, articulate and capable women- admirable.

I was a little less cool; thinking and feeling, WTF!

For me, this is a massive NO! People, especially men, never speak to women as he was doing to this one. I was disgusted. I was shocked. I realised in that moment, this was no man, this was not a person worth my attention or time. He was nothing.

I told them all that I was leaving, and won’t be returning any time soon to a group with such a vile fool in attendance. It made no difference though, as he kept on; he had his argument, he was making himself feel better at any cost.

Intelligent, philosopher, man, human – NO, he was just an over grown child, an insecure and idiotic fool with a foul mouth.

I remember he said he had a blog. He said he had been writing about his attempts to meet a new person every week. What a sick joke! That was exactly what he was doing within the ‘skeptics group’, and look how he treated and responding to them, to us! God help those he does meet, they will be psychologically scared for life if he acts as he did with us!

This has made me really reconsider which groups I attend.

If there aren’t shouting bullies, there are pervy men trying their luck, and staring at your breasts and bum.

How am I ever supposed to meet nice, and genuine people in Madrid? Do they actually exist?

What this has suggested, though I hate to even consider it; women are never really able to go anywhere without feeling they maybe harassed at any moment.

Why is it men feel they have some power to weild over women?

Why can’t they just go out, and enjoy themselves free of being abusive bad mannerly fools, bombastic and opinionated chauvinists, and sexual predators?

Are all men really just versions of men-children?

As you can probably guess, I am still extremely annoyed by this ‘person’s’ behaviour. It has impressed some ‘downer’ upon me regarding human relationships, interactions and behaviour. Plus, this fool will never know nor admit he was in the wrong.

Also, to sum up the whole experience or night; the whole thing was some elaborate charade. It was some game set up by this nasty and foul mouth fool, and his friend the Skeptics Group organiser. It was as though they had planned such an end, it was as though they were setting us up for this, to test us in some way.

Sounds paranoid? Well, having witnessed the behaviour and considered the motives, and the things that just didn’t add up about the group, that weren’t bona fide about the night in general – this is my only conclusion. At least my conclusion isn’t a diatribe of disgusting profanities, though it could have been quite easily after what occurred!

Oh, and if you find yourself in Madrid, avoid the Skeptics Meet-up Group at all cost!

An Easter Post

Hi all, well I am still in the UK, and still struggling to keep up with my usual regular posts, and interaction with you wonderful bloggers out there on WordPress.

THE REASON – well, I have no internet at my own house, and again find myself relying on being able to use my families. Coupled this with the recent heavy snow fall, and it makes for not much social interaction – virtual or real!

Consequently, I have been a bit quiet on the WordPress front!! This silence will remain for the next few weeks, as I still have some things to complete here before I return to Madrid.

I am now missing blogging very much indeed 😦

So, just thought I’d take the opportunity to say hello, and hope you are all well????? How is life with you all???

Also, I want to WISH EVERYONE out there in blogsphere a VERY HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pic from – http://www.bodminlive.com