Well, I have to say I am physically exhausted and now must be running on adrenalin. I am not sleeping very well at night; in fact I deem 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep as Heavenly bliss!
What the Hell is going on I don’t know, and I don’t like it either.
I can only think it is my brain to blame. I have had this problem off and on throughout my life, and it seems to coincide with having too much going on in my life at one time. I can’t seem to flick the off button on my brain; consequently my mind runs on, and on, and on – all day and all night.
I know it is no good for me, I mean when I was 14 and 15 in school no sleep meant nothing, but now, ummm, its a big difference. I mean it isn’t as though I’m a big ‘mover and shaker’ in the world, but my world, doesn’t matter how small, means too much to me to waste it lying around on the couch and feeling like a zombie.
I envy people who can just switch off and sleep the sleep of the dead. Let me clarify, I don’t mean the actual dead, I mean a heavy sleep where nothing rouses the sleeper or disturbs them. I read how sleep is important to health, and we should all have 6-8 hours a night to maintain our well-being. OK, I get that, but is not as though I am avoiding sleep on purpose, if I could I would sleep, but I can’t!!! My body just won’t submit to sleep, not unless its 100% in the zone, and it never really is (does this make sense). I am like the ‘Princess and the Pea’; any little thing and my brain detects it as an annoyance. I then can’t settle.
I am so desperate to switch off, though I don’t advocate them, I have been day dreaming about sleeping tablets! The relief the thought of having them provides is weirdly comforting. I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, none of this is really consequential! It isn’t the end of the world, nobody has died and I am not facing mortal jeopardy. Yet, I think this all clearly explains my erratic mind, twitchy feeling of restlessness, my odd behaviour, apathy and lethargy towards everything, my wandering ideas and over sensitivity, oh and the sprinkling of paranoia.
Please let me sleep tonight, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!