Tired, Irritable And In Pain

I need to apologise if I am not as ‘thorough’ as I could be with my blog at the moment. I think I have let my interaction and posting slip a little. I can and will explain why though.

Well, from Friday until today has been extremely strange. I seem to be feeling more tired than ever, and have developed the most annoying headache that Paracetamols don’t seem to have an effect upon! I know that I shouldn’t be perhaps continuing to work on the computer, but then between my new Facebook page, this blog, responding to and sending emails, research and other work; I just haven’t had the option to say ‘I quit, I need rest and time out’!!!!

This feeling ill properly kicked in on Thursday. I had to miss my usual evening catch up with one of my friends, as I just felt so tired I didn’t have the energy to even move from the couch! Friday I had to miss my Spanish lesson too, the first one ever!! I felt tired with a horrendous headache which had developed and wouldn’t leave. I had so much pain that I had to stay in bed until the afternoon, which I never do! Today, the same head pain has returned; it is concentrated on the left side of my head, and sits behind and into my left eye, which is annoying me!!!

Anyway, after missing my lesson on Friday I felt guilty. I hate to miss anything as important, especially as by about 4:00 I felt better!! Typical!!! My friend then paid me a visit with some Turron to cheer me up, which we ate during that same afternoon. I really like Turron, but I regretted the food splurge as it is so heavy on my stomach. Plus, the calories I must have consumed was crazy, not to mention merely eating the food just to cheer myself up; not a good way to stabilise my emotions or increase my health!!!!! Anyway, what is done is done!

Saturday I felt better, and we went out to the Fine Art Museum. We had lunch, took some photos and just had fun. Sunday, yet again I felt tired and drained with a damn headache. I did exercise as usual though; I was determined not to be defeated, but my left eye felt as though it was going to pop from the socket. The pressure was painful inside the head. I have no idea what the Hell that was all about. I just felt weird to be completely unscientific in my description. I can’t explain the pain, but I know I am fed up of it now. I think I have to be over tired, no, I know I am! Though I am having better night’s sleep than I have had for months, it is never enough!!!!!! Now the nights of being awake have stacked up against me, and lack of sleep is seemingly beginning to have it’s effect on me.

I have to admit that I am irritable too. I just feel ‘so what’ about everything. Though, I am trying not to be this way, I am struggling! I am being horrible to everyone, short tempered (more than usual!); I feel sorry for anyone having to tolerate me! I have to get on with my day though, regardless of how tired I am I can’t just say; ‘I am going to rest, sod everything’. I have things to do for God’s sake, life doesn’t live itself!

Also, we go to Rome on Friday, Yippeeeee!!!! I can’t wait to be honest. However, I don’t want to be so unenthused, lethargic and in pain that I miss the chance to fully enjoy being there. That would just make me more infuriated with myself than I already am! I just want everything to be as perfect as it can be, and not be a complete nightmare.

I have so much to do before I get to Rome though; meetings, Xmas stuff to prepare, work to complete, so on and so on!!!!!!!!!!! It is never ending.

Yet, all I can do is think; is it sleep time yet?

Ooooo, my headache has just eased!! It has only taken 7 hours!

Welcome To No Sleep Anonymous……..

Awake and counting the hours till Dawn……….

Well, I have to say I am physically exhausted and now must be running on adrenalin. I am not sleeping very well at night; in fact I deem 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep as Heavenly bliss!

What the Hell is going on I don’t know, and I don’t like it either.

I can only think it is my brain to blame. I have had this problem off and on throughout my life, and it seems to coincide with having too much going on in my life at one time. I can’t seem to flick the off button on my brain; consequently my mind runs on, and on, and on – all day and all night.

I know it is no good for me, I mean when I was 14 and 15 in school no sleep meant nothing, but now, ummm, its a big difference. I mean it isn’t as though I’m a big ‘mover and shaker’ in the world, but my world, doesn’t matter how small, means too much to me to waste it lying around on the couch and feeling like a zombie.

I envy people who can just switch off and sleep the sleep of the dead. Let me clarify, I don’t mean the actual dead, I mean a heavy sleep where nothing rouses the sleeper or disturbs them. I read how sleep is important to health, and we should all have 6-8 hours a night to maintain our well-being. OK, I get that, but is not as though I am avoiding sleep on purpose, if I could I would sleep, but I can’t!!! My body just won’t submit to sleep, not unless its 100% in the zone, and it never really is (does this make sense). I am like the ‘Princess and the Pea’; any little thing and my brain detects it as an annoyance. I then can’t settle.

I am so desperate to switch off, though I don’t advocate them, I have been day dreaming about sleeping tablets! The relief the thought of having them provides is weirdly comforting. I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, none of this is really consequential! It isn’t the end of the world, nobody has died and I am not facing mortal jeopardy. Yet, I think this all clearly explains my erratic mind, twitchy feeling of restlessness, my odd behaviour, apathy and lethargy towards everything, my wandering ideas and over sensitivity, oh and the sprinkling of paranoia.

Please let me sleep tonight, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!