A Ray Of Light

Being back here in the UK again so soon, feels weird. I must admit I’m not feeling 100% my usual ‘on top of the world’, and am struggling to maintain a smile and the facade of happiness.

Everything lately has seemingly taken an effect on me, like a delayed reaction. I was angry, and now I have had time to think I just feel sad. I can’t fully explain everything , all the emotions, they feel like a weight attached to my heart. I feel I need to sigh a lot, which means I have unresolved malarkey milling about inside, waiting to be set free – usually with a good cry.

Crying, is easier said than done. I am now in my parents house; time alone to ruminate is not really the easiest thing to procure! Also, I feel quite foolish, no one has died, so why do I feel so emotional and down??

I know a few bad things have occurred, and between them and other things (which are no doubt unresolved), the tension inside has been mounting for a while. I have allowed the bad feelings to lingering within me for too long a time.

So, feeling weird, and with the unnecessary little altercation over a pear (yes, over a piece of fruit), I left my parent’s house to walk. I needed to walk the emotions off, to give myself some space in the fresh air. I myself needed time away from anyone or anything just to think, to free my mind.

Although it was raining heavily I didn’t care, I let my feet take me in the direction they wanted to go. I found myself heading towards the graveyard, where my Grandmother (my Dad’s Mum) and my Grandfather (my Mum’s Dad) is buried.

Sounds morbid maybe, but I needed to be there. I hardly ever visit their graves, why, well I don’t believe they are actually there. I feel their essence left when they passed away, but sometimes being where they lie can be a focal point, a place to be at peace and think.

To cut a long story short my Grandfather or Tid as I called him from a baby, was like a second Father to me. I was close to him and my Nanna (who is currently ill in hospital). I couldn’t and still can’t really visit his grave without feeling emotional. Today, with everything mounting was no exception. I cried, and couldn’t stop myself. Although I was chiding myself for being foolish, for visiting ‘him’ with my shit when he, wherever he is, doesn’t need it, made me feel like an idiot.

I mean, it could be worse; I could be lying there where he is, instead I am alive and nothing is as bad as being dead.

So, I sat and thought and cried.

Then I noticed, from no-where a funeral procession was approaching me. This has never happened before. The exact spot I was sitting the funeral was making its way towards – taking up both walkways. I was a little shocked, and being dressed in black anyway I thought; ‘oh my goodness, I’m crying and in black, they’ll think I’m one of the relatives’!

I got up and left, and in that moment I felt relieved, a weight had been lifted. I laughed to myself at the irony – the coincidence. Moments before I saw the procession arrive I had said ‘Could be worse I could be dead’, and then there was the proof, walking towards me!

As I laughed and walked away the sun came out, the rain stopped and I just knew someone, somewhere was saying; ‘see, don’t be foolish, things will get better’.  I felt it was some sort of ‘sign’, some sort of comfort.

A weird comfort, but it worked.

 

I felt as though someone had heard me, and was trying to comfort me as best they could.

I don’t know what any of you will think reading this, perhaps that I have gone crazy. Yet, for me, it was the ‘sign’ I needed.

10 Things I Hate

Pic from: hartlove.wordpress.com

 

Going on our merry way through life, we all tend to pick up things that rankle us. Whether they are designed for such purposes or not, they do.

Sometimes it is as though the universe itself converges upon me, just with one thought at heart; to annoy, cause disharmony, disrupt and blatantly infuriate me!

With all this in mind I sat down and considered, funnily enough not for long, what my top ten most hated things were (in relation to situations mainly).

So, here they are – enjoy and hopefully you can empathise too?!

1. Where ever you sit down or park your car – doesn’t matter how empty a place is, someone HAS TO situate themselves near you. WHY? Is it herd mentality?

2. Bad manners. Now this I cannot abide. Manners cost nothing. It is a sign of courtesy, a display of appreciation which makes everyone’s day a little more pleasant. Whether it is a ‘thank you’ or holding a door open for someone; the sentiment behind the act is priceless.

3. People who wear summer clothing just because they see a glint of sunshine in February (or any other time of year when it is equally as freezing cold)!!

4. Those people who never truly listen, but merely wait for their turn to speak. This is not conversation, this is not empathy, this is not courteous. This type of discourse only makes for frustration, and a feeling of being under-valued.

5. People who bring all their problems to your door, but when you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on they run for the hills. This is not friendship, but a free counselling service!

6. Queues. Whichever queue you join it will be the one that takes the longest to get served. Fact!

7. People who drive whilst brushing their hair and applying make-up, speaking on a mobile phone, texting their friends, whilst reading a map or whilst using a laptop (yes, I actually have witnessed a truck driver doing this very thing)!

8. People who do not know the meaning of giving way whilst walking on a sidewalk. They negotiate the sidewalks as badly as they drive. I know here in Madrid getting from A to B can be a free for all – pushing and shoving, whole groups of people blocking your path and taking over the whole sidewalk; even dogs and children running into you. I hate it – MOVE OVER and let other people be on their way PLEASE! Regardless of what you may think, you DON’T own the sidewalk!!!

9. People who just STARE at you for no reason, as though they haven’t seen another human being in about 10 years. WHY!  

10. People who inflict their BAD ATTITUDES on you for no reason other than you happen to be near them at that moment. I actually experienced this quite recently whilst I was visiting my Grandmother in Accident and Emergency. Some psycho woman thought it was OK to ‘get up in my face’ just because she was having a bad day. Like I wasn’t!!!! Oh well, she was having a bad day, well then that behaviour is excused and all is OK – just go ahead and make my day even more awful, just as long as you get all your anger off your chest; errr, NO!

Just 10 things?? WOW, I really feel I could ‘vent’ 10 more!!!!

WHAT ABOUT YOU??? Have any of YOU anything to add to my modest list of annoyances????

PLEASE – LET ME KNOW!!!!!!!