A School Reunion

School reunions, the very words make me cringe!!!

To be blunt, opting to reunite with school ‘friends’, is the sort of thing that evokes imagery of Hell. I can think of little worse than spending my free time with the fakes and phonies of yesteryear, in what would be a completely forced ‘pleased to see you’ situation. Let me be honest, these ‘friends’ are the very people I had to spend my school days with! Why then would I, via my own volition, decide to reunite with them, when I was more than content to never have to see them again???

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cynical about school and enduring friendships. I do have one good friend from my school days, just one, but we have been friends since we were eight years old and know each other better than most married couples do! So, I am aware that some friendships do last, However, I am in contact with the one and only school friend that I want to keep in contact with, I therefore don’t feel the desire to catch up and reminisce with those I have always deemed to be fake friends. The past is the past and for me it is best left there!

Although I may be unnerved by the thought of a school reunion, I can’t quite escape it either. This is because my good friend of too many years to count has decided to be in attendance, though I truly wish she would change her mind. I suppose I will then have to hear all about the night in blow by blow grim detail, yuck! I can understand why she longs to go though, as she likes to know what’s happening, I on the other don’t. I am disinterested beyond expression regarding the ups and downs of Joe Bloggs of yester-year. I couldn’t care if Joe Bloggs has walked on the moon or festered in vomit, just so long as I need never be troubled by any of it or any of them!

I have actually asked my friend the simple question of what exactly she expects from this school reunion. I mean what would have changed so dramatically about these past ‘friends’ that it would make a reunion worth having; in my opinion nothing near enough to make me willingly attend! Well, I know these ‘used to be’ kids may have grown up, but as far as I’m concerned, only in stature. My evidence to substantiate this accusation; I used to have a personal Facebook page. Those school ‘friends’ I did allow access to my page hadn’t really changed their outlook on life or other people. Unfortunately for them they still are petty, immature, self- obsessed, jealous, boastful, vile, disingenuous and nasty; bad character traits don’t necessarily diminish with age!

So, a school reunion is a euphemism. It’s really the renewed opportunity for these people to brag about how wonderful they are, to try and make others feel inferior to boost their already gigantic egos and for them to have the audacity to pretend as though we were all bosom buddies! Personally, I don’t need to waste precious time on validating myself or my life to complete strangers, to people that didn’t and don’t mean a jot to me! So, I am certainly not going to rent a limo, and buy an expensive dress to go and play let’s pretend we’re grown-ups!

School reunion is merely another chance for the arseholes you despised in school to try and take pot-shots at you and yours. It’s the time to reunite with the bullies, the bitches, the wannabes, the fakers and the phonies as they all clamour for attention and desperately try to gain approval to demonstrate how they are the number one, no-one!

So I ask, is life so dull that I would surrender myself to such masochistic acts? No it’s not, and even if it was, I’d rather sit at home and watch paint dry than suffer the action!

School reunions, in my opinion it is a disaster waiting to happen!

Here They Come, The Pretentious Ones.

A few months back I set myself a challenge of sorts, perhaps it was more of a quest! The motivation behind this ‘quest’, well I wanted to immerse myself more than I had previously decided to, within Madrid social spheres. Basically, I hoped to meet new and interesting people, to maybe form friendships with.

Well, as some of you may recall, I have achieved this. I joined countless meet-up groups, circulated, discussed and had fun. I met people I have remained in contact with, people I now call friends, and others, others I actually don’t want to meet again!

This is social trial and error!

I suppose by the very nature of being social, you cannot pick and choose who you meet! I quickly began to notice that I was coming into contact with one type of individual though; time and time again the pretentious ones would make themselves known.

So often, whilst in tne company of others, this characteristic reared its ugly, boring, childish, poisionous, carefully applied and maintained, self absorbed head.

One human characteristic I abhor, and freely admit I have no time to pretend I am interested in indulging, is pretension.

I am used to pretentious people though, I have experience in dealing with them on countless occasions; from being a student at school, being an employee, a friend and so on. Unfortunately pretension is, and always will be, here, there and everywhere; hiding in full view amongst people of all ages and backgrounds. Just like a sociopath / psychopath, the pretentious ones exist in quantities the rest of us would be surprised about!

It seems that everyone has at some point in their life, had to associate with a pretensious individual.

Why is pretension so terrible though? Well, the pretentious ones spoil and pollute not only social occasions. They turn all gatherings into a competition, a school-yard, a charade, a stage for them to flex their pretentious muscles and exert their superiority on the ‘simpletons’ surrounding them.

Yet, I ensure I remain aloof and thoroughly unimpressed by what others might deem to be high intelligence, grandeur, intimidating wonder, superiority or whatever else. I have no patience to sit, listen and feed the ego of the pretentious ones!

In my experience, there is definately something about ‘the arts’ that attracts this type of person, drawing them out from the woodwork in droves.

Intellectualism and creativity is great, but by being these things does it have to then delete all the ‘people skills’ a person might possess? Why do the pretentious ones suddenly forget they are human, only human, just like all the other flesh and bloods walking about this humble pile of dirt! I don’t understand why they adopt an attitude of superiority, when we are all learning, all of the time! None of us are impervious!

In fact though, experience dictates that such people actually feel, but conceal, a deep seated sense of insecurity. They doubt themselves, their choices and their social status; hence their attitude, their carefully applied and mainained persona, their pretension.

They battle to be seen as ‘cool’, but I only see insular, boring, supercilious, restricted and fragile.

Why do the pretentious ones derive comfort in shunning the genuine and real though? Why do they prefer not to celebrate individuality, and refuse to delve into enjoying life? Why do they restrict themselves so tightly? Why the charade? Why the fakery? Why act as though nothing is capable of impressing them, everything is passé, why be supercilious and bored by it all – even though they haven’t really actually lived!!

Why impose this on others, socially?! How social is that attitude, NOT very!

I really don’t understand why pretentious people tend to like, and pursue activities they feel identifies, and associates them with being seen as an intellectual! I doubt whether they enjoy ‘the arts’ as much as they profess they do. I feel they say they like such things to fit in, to be part of a crowd. Whether this crowd is categorised as elite or not, it is still a crowd, rather like being back in school!

Intellectual and creative pursuits are not just for the pretentious people of the world. Although amongst their cliques, the pretentious ones excel at being priggish or ‘posh’. They work to belittle, and deny anything that doesn’t fit with their ideals of what is ‘in’, what is cool, what is creative and intellectual.

They ring-fence intellect and creativity; constraining them, exerting their influence and pontificating about what they believe these things to be. Basically removing what these things symbolise fundamentally; freedom, change, diversity and so on.

What is this attitude if not one belonging to someone from a high school clique, a teenage wannabe?

They tell others what is acceptable, how to behave, function and think.

People never grow out of this pretentious behaviour either, and no one confronts them!

I just don’t get it! I just don’t like it! I just can’t tolerate it socially!

What has happened that people just can’t have fun, be silly, mess about, admit they are wrong, laugh at themselves and just live! What is wrong with that? Why can’t they be intelligent, creative and interesting without being so conceited, and self absorbed? Sometimes it seems as though they can’t smile through fear of cracking their face!

Honestly I can’t think of anything worse, going through life worrying how you appear, ignoring people and things you deem beneath you. Basically, these people are so stiff they seem dead already! This is NO way to live! No way at all! All things considered, I actually feel quite sorry for the pretentious ones. They are so constraint, they cannot change, they are stuck in a rut and can’t escape. How very sad.

NOTE: Before people critique my writing as judgemental and stereotypical, I have to state I don’t deem all intellectuals or creatives as pretentious people. I am discussing certain people, certain situations from my experiences and via my own opinions. I am not judging or commenting on ALL creative and intellectual people, merely some!

Daily Prompt: Toot Your Horn

“Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself”.

 

This is quite a difficult question to answer, in my opinion.

It is reminiscent of those awful interview questions that are asked of you when you least expect it! Everyone dreads forming a genuine answer, as no-one is really certain that ‘favourite thing’ and themselves should even be coupled in the same sentence.

Yes, we are, or most of us are, excellent at being self-depreciating; but isn’t that how we are brought up to be? Hasn’t that been societies way of making us displeased with ourselves; making us believe we are all mini projects never quite completed to the ‘standard’ required?

I often struggled with finding one thing about me I liked as a child; these feelings of restraint, or not ‘blowing my own horn’ then followed me into adulthood. I never felt quite good enough in any respect. It was difficult for me to show what I could do; whether that was talent, skill or intelligence.

I often allowed others to just take centre stage, because I didn’t think I belonged there. This was because I was so uncertain of myself and afraid, though I often hid that very well to conceal those disconcerting facts. I know in some ways, I still do.

You see, being bullied relentlessly from the moment you begin school, does tend to take its toll upon your self esteem and image. Especially when you are reminded on a daily basis by ‘friends’, ‘classmates’ and teachers alike that you are useless. This heinous reinforcement is then difficult to unpick, even by family.

So, what about at this moment – what is my favourite thing about me? I’m getting to that honestly, just wait a moment!

As a consequence of being bullied and other situations which were also difficult for me to deal with growing up; I actually learned a lot about people, life and myself.

Yes, my confidence and self image took a massive blow to the back of the head, but I have worked to reverse that by learning to fight my own corner. This took time, but I did, and it was the most important thing I found I was able to do to help myself.

How, well by using my words to overcome whatever obstacle confronts me. Words have helped me to not be at the mercy of other people’s nastiness, judgements, ill treatment or whatever else they use in their arsenal to hurt their fellow human beings. I no longer allow ‘would be bullies’ the power to put me down.  This in turn has helped me leave the bullied and powerless child and teen that I was, in the past.

So, my favourite thing about me is my ability to express myself. Without my words I think I would have retreated away from the world, but with them I managed to move forward, find confidence, courage and a place for me regardless of where I am. They allowed me to; challenge myself, to discover, to develop and to achieve, not only just to stand up for myself! Using words to my advantage has had a massive impact on me and my life.

Am I ready to storm that centre stage? Well, I am not adverse to the suggestion any longer, thanks to my words!

The True Wheel Of Fortune?

I remember learning about this whilst studying Sociology; the whole premise blew me away as it suddenly explain a Hell of a lot of things for me!

People’s actions and reactions are never so clear cut! Think; ‘All in all your just another brick in the wall’.

Can you recall a time in your life when you have been a recipient of this faulty logic? I know I can.

The Facebook Curse

Recently I created a Facebook page for this blog, but I also have a personal account where I connect with friends and family.

Now, I am a fan of Facebook, well in general anyway. Since being in Madrid it has served as a great tool for me to keep up to date with everyone’s life, and also it serves as a long distance aid to conversations.

However, I have a pet hate regarding Facebook and recently (since being in Madrid) this phenomenon has only increased. I have discussed this before in an older post: I Am King Of My Castle however the topic has raised its ugly head once more.

People that I had known as merely shallow acquaintances, not s firm friends, have decided they will bombard me with ‘friend’ requests. Now these people haven’t left the past behind, they cling to what was and friend everyone who they once knew in a certain capacity I.E, usually via school.

Some of these people are what I would class as pariah’s; if I let them into my life they would only work to destroy it. Harsh you may think; no it is not, it is merely the truth. I know them too well as I have been on the receiving end of their hate and spite in the past, and it wasn’t amusing.

I absolutely despise their presumption, and their over all gall. They believe they know me, yet they never really knew me and they certainly don’t know me now! In fact, most of them would not even share a polite conversation with me at one point, and though they now claim to want to know I am well and doing OK (which they clearly know I am), whenever they have seen me they have pretended not to see me.

In fact most of those claimants to be my ‘friends’ couldn’t bear the fact that I actually did better than them in college and that I actually got to University, while they, the ones deemed to be ‘shit hot’ in school failed miserably in the big bad world.

Now that I am in Madrid and these people see my life is not theirs once more, they suddenly want to clamour to gain my attention and be part of me and my life. Well, the time I needed them has passed, but to be honest that time never existed. They mean as little to me now as they did when I 15. I saw what arse-holes they were then, and they haven’t disappointed that realisation since! Especially as they are still demonstrating that fact with vile emails made to criticise me.

Yes, they have contacted me just to impart their hatred, because I have refused them this online friendship, this online tool to use to spy on my life through. They claim, in unpleasant words that I feel I am too good to exchange pleasantries with them. No, I think they’ll find I don’t suffer fools, nosey gossips, back stabbing, shallow and small minded children who still reside in the mind set of a 15 year old!

These people bring back bad memories for me, and I hold NO love for them whatsoever! They are still what they were, and I say this because from denying them this friendship and telling them why, they have retorted as the embittered and spiteful children they always were.

I am a grown woman and will please myself, and I won’t bow to people like that just to make them happy, and save their petty feelings; when once upon a time they didn’t care a damn about me or my feelings! I basically resent them even thinking they can or should be allowed access to pry into my life, MY LIFE; which has nothing to do with them and they are NO PART OF! What gives them the right to even consider passing comment or judgement on me? What makes them think I’d allow them to carry tales about me to other people, and basically allow them to be part of my life only to try spoil it? Are they are dumb as they look?

Basically some people never learn to leave others alone, never truly grow up and get a life, and certainly they don’t learn from their experiences. I however, don’t want to be dragged into a myriad of bullshit; I just want to get on with my life in peace and quiet; settled in the knowledge I have friends around me and not enemies! Whatever they do they cannot harm me, they only harm themselves as after all their actions prove to me they are consumed in jealousy; and that is the best compliment anyone can offer you!

Ambition Drives The Wheels Of Success.

Or does it?? Maybe ambition can hamper success, depends on what you aim to succeed at. We are all encouraged to do something that people themselves have a knowledge or experience in. What if you want to be something different, out of the norm? How do you succeed at a profession which sometimes has no written formula of success? What happens is that one day you wake to realise you are never going to be that rock star, astronaut or ballet dancer, and then life sucks! How can anyone settle for less than their hearts burning desire?

I would love there to be some education into actually helping kids discover how to become what they truly want to be, however off the wall it may appear to be, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many mid-life breakdowns!

Some things are nothing to do with ambition, but the application of it. How do you ever know you are applying it correctly when people in general don’t seem to have the answers you may require??

After years labouring in one direction I have now chosen to turn away from a ‘career’ path I thought I should pursue; again living up to other people’s ideals of a life. Now I am left wandering in the darkness wondering how to make what I truly want to achieve happen! How do you become a rock star?? How do you get a golden ticket in life?? Does one exist or are we all labouring under some false delusion instilled by the fairy tales we watched and read as children?

One final thought; I’d have found career services in school/college/work far more beneficial if they hadn’t just focused on the academic careers.  I was led to believe that I’d get no-where pursuing my creative side, and now I haven’t a clue how to truly forge a path into that working environment.

Maybe it is all luck or again that elusive and un-quantified term, FATE.

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© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.