Excuse Me!!!!

What bugs me most, well, OK this particular thing is not THE most annoying thing in the whole world, but  it is on my ’10 things I hate’ list. Don’t believe me, well, check it out; 10 Things I Hate.

So, what is this annoying ‘little’ oversight, well, a lack of MANNERS of course!!!!!!!!

Living in a city is never going to be picture book perfection, I’m not crazy enough to think it is. Not everyone will always don smiles from ear to ear or be pleasant and happy. Nor will they dance and swirl around as though they are part of the cast of some lavish musical. Yet, I didn’t realise that SO MANY people could leave their homes every morning, and FORGET that one essential thing that makes this world that more sweeter and bearable; their manners.

Who brought them up exactly, parents or vultures?

What effort or time does it t of to express gratitude with ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’, ‘excuse me’ – ermmm, NONE! Well, not for me anyway, it is automatic because I am not an inconsiderate, selfish oaf.

Everyday on the streets and Metro, in the stores and museums of Madrid there are idiots. These idiots blatantly go out of their way to annoy, to cause disruption and general angst – basically these idiots are pushing their luck! I have often wondered when, or indeed IF, someone will one day just snap, and slap them!!

To be honest – it sometimes begins to feel like a battle, a free for all, a power struggle, a dominance thing. Call me paranoid, but it is almost as though these people are trying to root out those who are weaker, those whose nerve will cave in quicker, those who are foolish enough do adhere to manners and good conduct. They, these aggressive and arrogant morons, can then laugh at such weak considerate and mannerly people, as they mow us down on the street with their heels, handbags, elbows, dogs, pushchairs and God knows what else!!!

Honestly, good manners and consideration must be a rare thing here in Madrid now, a thing which will very soon be extinct.

People push and shove; they barge right into me, physically knocking me out of their way. They think nothing of cutting me up on the walkways, so I nearly trip up. They hog all the walkway too, and often walk as slowly as snails because they act as though THEY own that piece of ground, and I am an intruder. These idiots just keep walking, and I mean walking at me and into me, just like they intend to mow me over (which they do). They expect me, to give way to them, to jump up out of their way like a fricken acrobat; just so they and their lazy butts can get past without disruption or inconvenience. What, so two steps to either the left or right of me on a walkway is such a inconvenience??? MENTAL!!!! Good God, there is plenty of room for EVERYONE to walk, yet these fools won’t give way, WHY???!!!! WTF???!!! They would prefer to see me lying on the floor with their footmarks all over my crumpled and bruised body – seriously, they need their heads reading!

People also are not adverse to sitting, standing or talking too close to my personal space (again, when there is NO need as there is plenty of room for us all to be in one place without sitting on each other)!!! Men will take the last seat on the Metro train while a woman stands up with shopping. Children bump into me, and play about without a care of whose foot they are trampling all over. Their parents, well, absent, and engaged in loud conversation about nonsense – too busy to tell their offspring ‘STOP IT’!!! People stare, really stare, the daggers are out type of stares! Honestly, I can be travelling on the Metro, minding my own business, and for the entire journey I can be stared at. These people thing nothing of wasting their time looking me up and down and up and down, as though I am some freak of nature. It is like I’m dressed in my underwear only, which is something I never do, and yet those who do dress like that NEVER get stared at. WHY?!!!!!

I am becoming a little more ARGHHH everyday – and I think, I shall be the one to slap the next person guilty of these crimes of ill mannerly foolishness.

So, take heed people of Madrid and BEWARE!!

Sucking You Dry

This little thought occurred me to last night, when, as usual I couldn’t sleep!!! Strange how the strange finds me in the very small hours, and just won’t let go of my mind………ummmm.

Anyway, I reflected back upon studying Psychology at college. I recalled reading certain research, which had been conducted into the psychological benefits of relationships. The results of the research discovered that women DO NOT benefit psychologically from being in marriages or long term relationships. Men however, do benefit, and quite significantly.

I found this to be a ‘revelation’ at the time. I remember thinking of everyone I knew who was married, and actually found immediate logic in the findings of this research. Women, or the women I knew – who were Mothers of my friends and relations I had, well, they weren’t too pleased being married. It had been a pretty tough time for them throughout the years; so, discovering women don’t necessarily get much out of a relationship, well, it made sense to me.

So, to condense these research findings, it seems that men tend to suck the life out of women. They use them as tools to enrich their own life and well being, but while the women sacrifice, the men just use the free support base to flourish. Men, men alone are more prone to psychological disorders – depression, isolation,  paranoia, unsociability, instability and even suicide. Women alone, are not prone to such things – they seem to, according to the research, soar like a bird, and a free bird at that.

Men alone can’t cope, women alone cope very well – better than if they are in relationships with the burden of a man in tow. Facetious, feminist, wrong – maybe, but then, let us ask women to be truthful enough to admit that the men in their lives can be cumbersome, and often draining, and enough to often devour the very patience of a Saint.

What do you think; I am asking the women here?????? Is this research true?????

Well, consider this; men don’t often just leave a relationship to be on their own. From what I have seen, they tend to stack up their next ‘victim’ or victims, before they jump ship. What does that say – men don’t like being alone or maybe they are serial monogamists?? Hey wait a minute here – men and faithful – don’t men cheat more often than women in relationships; OR, are men merely caught out cheating more often than woman are?

Either way if men do prefer to peruse their options, why do they need to be in a relationship to be psychologically stable?? Men, what do you think about these psychological research findings – true or hogwash?????? Do you need a relationship????

If this is true and men do get more out of relationships, why then are they so called biologically hard wired to stray like a cat?? Shouldn’t it be women on the prowl, not men, as women don’t need one man, they don’t need a relationship as they get nothing out of it. Women don’t get the same psychological stability, and nutrition as men do from relationships. Women get the depression and suicidal thoughts instead.

Why then would women enter into a relationship if they don’t want to commit suicide any time soon???? Well, WHY?????

What are the answers???? Maybe there are none!

OK, by the way YES I am in a relationship; oh wait, did you ask how my psychological state is??? Well, what do you think???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Return To The UK

Today I catch my flight back to the UK, and I am not sure how long I will be staying there this time.

I am worried as usual, I hate flying; all the messing about of waiting in queues, and baggage handling and security, and blah, blah, blah! I also hate the turbulence, and of late feel as though I could be sick during landing (which is never a good thing to feel, but especially on a plane)!

I am also worried, afraid even, that more bad things will happen – this ‘Mercury in Retrograde’ has me a little freaked out. I feel more paranoid than usual, sorry to Gwen at  gwendolynndedanaan.wordpress.com. Though, Gwen has given reason to the bad things that have occurred of late, it explains why all hell has broken out. I feel I sorely NEED to learn to master these ‘other worldly’ things that can control my life for the worst! I don’t want to have to face even more of them, well, not now anyway!!!

I mean – how long does Mercury in Retrograde last?? Has anyone else felt or undergone some horrible things, particularly horrible things lately??? It can’t be just me being kicked about by the universe; I’d like some company please!

Anyway, I need to maintain positivity, as worse things do happen everyday. I have to think of things calmly, which would be normally a little easier with a good nights sleep!!! Keeping everything in perspective is difficult when I am not sleeping so well, I therefore tend to feel less cheerful.

Things will get better (smile and breathe)!

Once I am in the UK I will try as often as is physically and mentally possible to get to a computer to update posts, and answer questions, or comments or whatever else! Yet, bear with me as I might not be my usual super-speedy self, as WordPress updates won’t be part of my daily routine (lacking internet connection will no doubt hinder me at some point too).

Also, I am returning to the UK to attend to other issues (which are plenty enough to contend with). Once again my computer time will be limited when I am in the UK, as I know I’m going to be crazy and mad busy, and completely preoccupied with everything else.

So, though I will have less of a presence on WordPress than usual – I will endeavour to try to keep everyone (my readers), updated and reply to you as I can.

I wish you all well, and please take care!!

Speak soon,

Bex 🙂

This Is Hell

So, waiting for my flight back to the UK to be confirmed, I am left cooling my heels and feeling the angst of the mini catastrophe awaiting me there, build about me like a dark shadow.

I truly am angry and upset. I am shocked and looking for revenge – yes, revenge!!!!!!!

After posting ‘M’ Is For The Many Ways I’d Maim ‘Her’ , and re-reading what I have stated there, I could laugh!!
“Rise to the bait and it is you who are maimed” said I, even though I knew I would always respond so angrily; even if someone had crossed me half as much as they have this time!! At this moment I really couldn’t give a damn if I burn in Hell for feeling so angry or so full of malice. I mean at the moment I feel I am in Hell, so why not consider the many ways I could maim those people who have hurt me. They deserve it for what they have done; how they rip people’s lives apart in one moment, and don’t care.

Basically, if I could grab the very fabric of the ethereal world that surrounds me, and use this as a weapon to wrap around those people, I would try to suffocate them, I would!!!

I really have seen this as a final ‘slap in the face’, the last ditch attempt of some messed up universal plan to ‘pull the rug’ out from underneath me. I feel I can go along and all is fine, and then suddenly, wham, bam, slap and down I go. It is like the universe is saying; ‘Hey Bex, you can’t have too much of a good thing. We have to ensure you get slapped back in line’.

I mean if I explained to you all the dirty tricks I’ve had played on me you’d probably say; ‘no way, I don’t believe it’. Yet, life, me and cosy and wonderful don’t go hand in hand. Never or ever!

Yet, until now I haven’t mentioned it, I haven’t harped on about it, I haven’t been sour over it – I just accept that is life and move on. Yet, this time, I feel my level of tolerance and the ability to move on has suddenly vanished.

I am truly dented; angry, hurt, and I am fed up with being pushed around by unseen decision makers who govern ‘fate’. Why is any of this considered as character building?? I could live life quite happily forever and ever without any more such ‘character building’ antics, thank you very much!

I am left feeling paranoid – this could happen again, I am at the mercy of things I can’t control. I have no power to alter anything. I am just me and I am not enough. I just want to go back to before this – so I don’t have to feel this way.

I have posted this, because I need to get some of these emotions out in the open. Stating them to the whole world (OK, exaggeration I know), but letting others see how I feel at this moment, well, it might just help me to release the negative and damaging vibes. I can’t explain in any detail anything that has happened, so I am just miscellaneously venting in a way, but that is OK, as I feel a weight could be lifted from my soul by merely doing that.

I basically need to vent!! I need to scream how I feel from the roof-tops, but I am trying to keep a lid on it too for everyone else’s sake. Others are worried and affected by all of this also. So, it isn’t so fair to load them down with my own selfish needs.

Consequently, you my wonderful WordPress readers are my free counsellors, my helping hands, my sounding boards, my sanity.

THANK YOU FOR READING!  Though I know none of it really makes a whole lot of sense!

Welcome To No Sleep Anonymous……..

Awake and counting the hours till Dawn……….

Well, I have to say I am physically exhausted and now must be running on adrenalin. I am not sleeping very well at night; in fact I deem 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep as Heavenly bliss!

What the Hell is going on I don’t know, and I don’t like it either.

I can only think it is my brain to blame. I have had this problem off and on throughout my life, and it seems to coincide with having too much going on in my life at one time. I can’t seem to flick the off button on my brain; consequently my mind runs on, and on, and on – all day and all night.

I know it is no good for me, I mean when I was 14 and 15 in school no sleep meant nothing, but now, ummm, its a big difference. I mean it isn’t as though I’m a big ‘mover and shaker’ in the world, but my world, doesn’t matter how small, means too much to me to waste it lying around on the couch and feeling like a zombie.

I envy people who can just switch off and sleep the sleep of the dead. Let me clarify, I don’t mean the actual dead, I mean a heavy sleep where nothing rouses the sleeper or disturbs them. I read how sleep is important to health, and we should all have 6-8 hours a night to maintain our well-being. OK, I get that, but is not as though I am avoiding sleep on purpose, if I could I would sleep, but I can’t!!! My body just won’t submit to sleep, not unless its 100% in the zone, and it never really is (does this make sense). I am like the ‘Princess and the Pea’; any little thing and my brain detects it as an annoyance. I then can’t settle.

I am so desperate to switch off, though I don’t advocate them, I have been day dreaming about sleeping tablets! The relief the thought of having them provides is weirdly comforting. I JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, none of this is really consequential! It isn’t the end of the world, nobody has died and I am not facing mortal jeopardy. Yet, I think this all clearly explains my erratic mind, twitchy feeling of restlessness, my odd behaviour, apathy and lethargy towards everything, my wandering ideas and over sensitivity, oh and the sprinkling of paranoia.

Please let me sleep tonight, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

Is There Anybody Out There………

I could scream, but I won’t

I’m having a bit of a bad day today. Not feeling my usual jubilant and positive self, maybe the lack of sleep is eventually taking its toll upon me, who knows.

Anyway, I have been feeling quite disheartened about writing. Racking my brains and pulling my hair out over this whole quest of mine to ‘write’. Its not just the The Publishing Ladder
that is bugging me, as I have GIVEN UP on that for the time being; I can’t juggle what I have going on at the moment anyway!!!! I feel guilty enough that I am pouring my time, and energy into researching and writing, thinking and feeling the work, only to neglect most other things; including sleep and practising Spanish.

I wish there were at least 3 of me so I could do all the things I need to. Yes I am becoming a Bundle Of Nerves

Though, I try not to over think things and defeat myself, I do; it is just too easy a conquest.

Consequently today I am unenthusiastic, and to be honest angry. This has been building in me for a while. I have to say, or write, that I am fed up of being ignored, giving my best in things and being kicked to the curb (to reuse and over used Americanism). I am sick of feeling like a ‘poor relation’ over looked and under estimated.

I have raised questions that some don’t wish to answer, and that is fine, but I thought opinions were up for general discussion?? Or why else raise them?? Is merely concurring with one view the way it has to be?? I appreciate many views, but many people don’t seem to appreciate that way of being! What’s the golden handshake then? What am I missing???

Please enlighten me people before I truly do go crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is of course assuming anyone will ever read or comment on this drop in the ocean post of mine.

The end!

You Can’t Handle The Truth!

Laying it all bare, for the world to see, dropping the pretence, the charade?

I agree with being honest. Just being free enough to say this is me, this is it, these are my feelings and so on; but most people don’t want honesty. In fact studies show we don’t even want honesty ourselves; our own unconscious brain dictates that. Under tests participants have proven to blatantly ignore truthful facts if they are detrimental to them as humans. It seems lies are a human fundamental, a defence mechanism; part of something ancient that remains within us all.

So basically, when we are faced with the harsh truth, our minds deny it so we as a species can carry on living. Maybe without those lies we tell ourselves daily we’d never get up in the mornings?!

If we saw the real truth all the time we might decide to merely curl up and die, because the truth often is grimmer than the reality we think we know and see around us.

Lets face it the truth can be detrimental, examples; chances of getting cancer in your lifetime, chances of dying of a heart attack, likelihood of divorce, chances of being cheated on, murder, becoming homeless, being bankrupt, unemployed or never fulfilling a life’s dream. In short it takes away hope, and no one wants to admit that whatever they are doing could cause themselves harm in the long run.

Truth when applied to some situations merely deprives us of the remotest possibility that everything will be OK. Regardless of the adversity and the odds that are against us, we all hope everything will be OK in the end.

As people we are therefore used to being tricksters, excellent at concealing the truth even within ourselves. We have our reasons no doubt, does it always have to be because we have a hidden agenda or can’t face up to reality? Aren’t some things best left to the imagination or indeed left unsaid?

If we could always see and hear the truth would we choose to? Could everyone cope with seeing behind the veil of everyone’s reality or the world’s for that matter; no I don’t think we all could. I understand there are some things that need to be revealed as truth, but it is doubtful that everything truthful would be received as a ‘blessing’, because people are used to a life in the dark; and there are some truths that might be out of our comprehension.

Maybe then living a half lie is OK?

Perhaps so, as not every lie is meant to be harmful.

We as people should be able to choose what part of life we want to see as a harsh reality, and that which we choose not to; and what pieces of our own psyche we conceal and that which we don’t (it is our prerogatives as humans). After all no one knows anyone or anything 100%; we and everything around us are based on opinions (how we perceive ourselves, others and the world). Who’s truth is correct? Some people don’t even know themselves 100%; so how can they fathom out any lies inside themselves, how can they know what they are seeing in the world is a lie or the truth?

What is the truth anyway? Isn’t it relative to the situation, person, place, time and so on? Perhaps one person’s lie is merely another persons truth?

What do you think? Please leave me some food for thought!!!!

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© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.