“Negativity; a natural state of being human”.
“Negativity; a natural state of being human”.
How can you, unpick you – that is your fundamentals, what has made you you for so long?
I always think of myself as sentimental layers of life experiences built up over years, and compacted together to form layers which represent my whole being, a person; for the moment, a ‘final product’.
If there is something amiss, somewhere deep down in all that sediment layering then how can that be sifted through? How do we locate successfully that one ‘bad seed’ upsetting the equilibrium of our being, creating disharmony?
There are certain things which effect me and impact on my life; these I feel are embedded reactions to something long gone or long ago learnt. These embedded ‘flaws’ or ‘bad’ reactions, ‘faulty’ coping mechanisms or whatever else are more difficult to locate in my life layering than something recently learnt, experienced and assimilated into myself.
In fact, pin pointing the specific incident that triggered these flawed behaviours, faulty coping mechanisms or bad reactions which currently effect me, is the hardest thing to do! Perhaps the reason for this is because they are anchored to my childhood, before I was fully cognisant?
If something impacts upon us before we are fully self aware, how can we then unpick these flaws in ourselves? How do we begin to find the thread to unravel, and unpick ourselves, thus solving these issues we have? How can a root be found without knowing first where to look for it?
Isn’t what we have automatically assimilated into our fundamental core person, the most difficult to then rectify if there are problems with this assimilation?
Perhaps then it is time to move on from even trying to unpick ourselves. Is it ever worth spending time feeling that we should be more than we are? Is it worth considering that one moment, long ago in our past, may have diverted us from becoming a different person – one perhaps more ’rounded’ and grounded?
I have begun to think not.
Some things have no rhyme or reason, they just are. The best method of healing, for me, is to just accept my ‘warts and all’, and embrace who I am – faulty or otherwise! Unpicking myself, unraveling my threads would, I feel, create more problems than it would solve. I may be flawed, faulty and even bad on occasions, but then that is me, the only me I know – so who is anyone else to contest that?
None of us are perfect, but those little imperfections make us all perfect just the way we are.
Who would we be without our little flaws – would we be better people or would we be worse? Who can really ever know for certain.
Picture the scene………………….
Your on your way home from the usual busy, and depressing day at work. As per your routine you wait for and then take the number 5 bus home. Sitting there daydreaming listening to your choice of MP3 player you think you can hear raised voices from behind you. As you turn around you witness the beginnings of a violent fracas; a young woman is being attacked by four other young people.
What will you do?
It is a moment everyone surely dreads; seeing the unbelievable happening right there, right then in public, and for you to bear witness to.
It is a moral dilemma; ignore it and ‘walk’ away or confront the situation, intervene and say ‘NO’!
After all it isn’t YOU they are harming, YOUR not under threat. It isn’t YOUR business, YOU have enough on your own plate. It could well be that young woman DESERVES those punches she is receiving.
What makes a person intervene or walk away?
Why is it when people are being attacked it is better to shout ‘fire’ to alert and raise the alarm to solicit help, then the actual words ‘help me please’!
‘Help’, does it always fall on deaf ears? Yet, not just the word help, but seeing that someone requires help; YOUR HELP.
Can we all so easily turn our backs on those who are being attacked, mugged, harassed verbally abused, pushed and shoved or whatever??
Where did our solitary as human beings go? What happened to rob us of our outrage, of our sympathy, of our heart and souls?
When a herd of Buffalo are attacked by wolves, they will actually band together, regroup and turn on the aggressor, the threat that is hurting one of their own.
Yet us humans don’t often share their mentality.
We say that the ‘bad’ people of the world act like animals, no they don’t; because animals look after their own. Animals protect the vulnerable in their groups and fight back; not walk away.
Could it be then that humans alone are the exclusive owners of the ‘selfish gene’? We call this self preservation, it might be, but if you aren’t in mind to protect your own species, how then can it ever survive?
There are some amongst us who will take the part of the guardian Angel’s in our time of need. Sometimes these Angel’s come in unexpected guises; elderly people walking past, teenagers sitting on a train, and even a young women walking her dog.
So, what makes some people not accept or tolerate others being harmed in their presence?
What is it that makes some people fight back and defend others they don’t even know; regardless of the danger it could pose to themselves?
What separates them from the rest of the herd????????
What do you think about intervening in a crime???
WOULD YOU INTERVENE??? HAVE YOU INTERVENED???
OR, maybe you wish you had??
PERHAPS, you or someone YOU know has been subject to a crime where no-one helped??????
What DO YOU THINK MAKES US react as we do to these extraordinary events????????
This is a strange question to ask and you might be thinking; ‘we all know in our hearts and minds what honesty is and how to apply it carefully to any given situation’, but maybe that in itself is being dishonest?
Shouldn’t we be completely open, never holding back, let it all go for all to see all of the time??? Isn’t that the way not to deceive people??
Or, is a direct question then deserved of a direct answer; then we can and will tell the truth??
Are we naturally more honest in some situations and experiences than we are in others, for example; you tell a few lies on the internet as no one knows you really??
I have been considering honesty, the truth or telling people all they need or want to know without holding back. This isn’t the first time I have written about the truth and what it can signify: You Can’t Handle The Truth
So, is learning the truth an epiphany moment or highly detrimental to any human’s ego, idea of themselves, their life and God knows what else??? Is it cruel or kind to be honest, really honest?
I am an advocate of speaking my mind, and can say in my personal life I do when I see it is necessary, but I also think something’s aren’t for me to comment on, and aren’t for to ask or question. Yet, if I am asked a question or for my opinion I give my reply as honestly and openly as I am able to.
Like this blog I write. I have been discussing this very topic with a few people, in fact a couple of people who write on WP. Now, I choose not to be 100% all out there, you won’t get a full picture of me from my writing on here. Why? Well not because I plan to deceive, but because I wish to leave something of myself to myself, a part of me has to stay with me and not be given up to other people. Not everything is for the ‘whole’ world to see, well, not all of the time.
It isn’t anyone’s business unless they ask, or I divulge because I choose to. That for me is the premise of life; you give what you decide to and no more. I only write about what is relevant for me at any given moment, and only include what reflects that moment. I don’t see the need to mention myself perhaps, or indeed my private life and history, if it isn’t necessary. If others choose to do that, then that is their choice and I don’t judge.
Now this lack of complete honesty leads people to assume, but then I am not responsible for people’s assumptions.
As I have already mentioned, I am honest with those I feel inclined to be honest with; friends, family and those valued internet connections (you know who you are). I also appreciate other peoples honesty, but when honesty crosses the line into being cruel I then don’t think it has a place in society.
An example, well, an obvious one that I have asked and I am sure every woman along the way has (an assumption perhaps); ‘Does my bum look big in this’? At some stage in my life I wouldn’t have wanted to hear bluntly; ‘Yes, you look like an elephant stuffed into it’. I may have already thought that about my-self, so I needed to be reassured instead of told the complete harsh and cruel truth. We all need to be reassured sometimes, as self esteem is a fragile thing.
You see we all enjoy some lies, because truth can sometimes be soul destroying to hear or know.
Now to return to my blog; well to admit one thing I would be more candid about myself and my feelings if I didn’t have people I know reading this too. You see my plan was to remain anonymous, but that soon gave way when I invited family and friends to look at my work. You see even with them, and they are close to me, I am not 100% honest all of the time. We all conceal something of ourselves, because those aspects of us are sacred to us.
In fact there are only two people in the whole world I am comfortable being completely honest with. See, there I go again; I can’t help telling a little fib! We can’t ever 100% know anyone. We may know we are editing our words and feelings, but sometimes it is to shield others from the aspects of ourselves we can’t even admit.
So, if I suddenly became Jim Carrey’s character from ‘Liar Liar’ how would that help to free me? Would it help me?
What part of me would be left if I told everyone everything?
So, again how honest is honest and is honesty always the best policy in life?
Well I suppose it is up to the individual to decide. Who am I to make that call for anyone! Yet, when we speak the truth does anyone really want to hear the reply? I think we are not always ready to hear the truth, because again it can be painful, force us to re-evaluate what we believe we know and also prompt us to re-think. People as a species don’t tend to like that much, as we all like to think we are right, we are pursuing the right course, we have all the answers we need, we know people well enough.
Again, this might come as a shock, but to reiterate; we don’t know anyone 100% as that would be an impossible feat.
So, to all my readers, I am sorry to disappoint you, but you don’t know me either, well, you know a portion of who I am; but if I was the write about me and everything there is to know about me, you’d be bored. No-one wants to hear my every little detail, no-one really cares unless my details are appropriate in that moment, and not everyone could fully understand.
So, what is my honest opinion about honesty, well, ask me and I will tell you!
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Laying it all bare, for the world to see, dropping the pretence, the charade?
I agree with being honest. Just being free enough to say this is me, this is it, these are my feelings and so on; but most people don’t want honesty. In fact studies show we don’t even want honesty ourselves; our own unconscious brain dictates that. Under tests participants have proven to blatantly ignore truthful facts if they are detrimental to them as humans. It seems lies are a human fundamental, a defence mechanism; part of something ancient that remains within us all.
So basically, when we are faced with the harsh truth, our minds deny it so we as a species can carry on living. Maybe without those lies we tell ourselves daily we’d never get up in the mornings?!
If we saw the real truth all the time we might decide to merely curl up and die, because the truth often is grimmer than the reality we think we know and see around us.
Lets face it the truth can be detrimental, examples; chances of getting cancer in your lifetime, chances of dying of a heart attack, likelihood of divorce, chances of being cheated on, murder, becoming homeless, being bankrupt, unemployed or never fulfilling a life’s dream. In short it takes away hope, and no one wants to admit that whatever they are doing could cause themselves harm in the long run.
Truth when applied to some situations merely deprives us of the remotest possibility that everything will be OK. Regardless of the adversity and the odds that are against us, we all hope everything will be OK in the end.
As people we are therefore used to being tricksters, excellent at concealing the truth even within ourselves. We have our reasons no doubt, does it always have to be because we have a hidden agenda or can’t face up to reality? Aren’t some things best left to the imagination or indeed left unsaid?
If we could always see and hear the truth would we choose to? Could everyone cope with seeing behind the veil of everyone’s reality or the world’s for that matter; no I don’t think we all could. I understand there are some things that need to be revealed as truth, but it is doubtful that everything truthful would be received as a ‘blessing’, because people are used to a life in the dark; and there are some truths that might be out of our comprehension.
Maybe then living a half lie is OK?
Perhaps so, as not every lie is meant to be harmful.
We as people should be able to choose what part of life we want to see as a harsh reality, and that which we choose not to; and what pieces of our own psyche we conceal and that which we don’t (it is our prerogatives as humans). After all no one knows anyone or anything 100%; we and everything around us are based on opinions (how we perceive ourselves, others and the world). Who’s truth is correct? Some people don’t even know themselves 100%; so how can they fathom out any lies inside themselves, how can they know what they are seeing in the world is a lie or the truth?
What is the truth anyway? Isn’t it relative to the situation, person, place, time and so on? Perhaps one person’s lie is merely another persons truth?
What do you think? Please leave me some food for thought!!!!
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© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.