Are We Born Equal?

Equality – what is it and do we have it?

In my opinion equality is the state of being equal; equal in status, rights, and opportunities.

Therefore I now ask, are we born equal?

My answer is a resounding no, we are not.

Why not, well; what are the significant factors relating to how we view or obtain equality? How do we decide whether there is a lack of equality in life and understand why it is lacking?

Money, background, status and connections are often what matters most and contributes to making you equal or unequal in life. These things, or lack of them, are often why we are treated as we are treated, differently.

This hegemony upon equality begets a dangerous attitude, because it makes any country stagnant. Therefore how can this promote equality?

Equality could after all be freedom. It could change everything.

Yet, in most countries it is almost as though to to be granted the key to equality, you have to suffer from cloned genes syndrome! Let me explain; it is same old type of person, and, actually the same old type of gene pool being rewarded with equality because of who they are, their background and so on (‘the old boys network’).

I therefore ask; how can anything change in the world of equality???

How can equality be granted to all when it is the same type of people who are always gaining power, and are always in charge of the world (and therefore decide who receives equality)?

These gatekeepers of equality have far too much to lose to actually want to change a thing, and make the world more equality driven.

I therefore feel nothing has really changed; it might as well still be like it was centuries ago when only the landed gentry had suffrage, as they are the ones who are really still in charge! They are the ones who can only really achieve equality in their life.

Anyway, I digress!!!

Other points to consider in the born equal argument is the fact that not everyone is lucky enough to grow up in a nurturing environment. Couple that with impoverished living, abusive families, or criminal homes, and the odds for equality diminish against a child born into a nurturing, healthy, high-income, loving family in a nice neighbourhood.

If you travel around the world this is inequality is magnified.

Other countries do not have advantages equal to those we take for granted. Our standard of living does not apply to every child born across the world, therefore, equality means nothing.

Equality is fundamentally flawed. We are not born equal and we do not have equal chances to succeed in life either.

What do ‘equal chances’ have to do with equality or success anyway?

Well, I’m not sure it has anything to do with it! We are not all created equal in our ability to achieve success, and therefore taking advantage of equal chances is not always possible. Every person has a unique set of strengths, which can aid in achieving the success they desire. Conversely, each person also has their own unique set of challenges that inhibit them in achieving such success. Therefore, equality has nothing to do with success or lack of it, and equal chances are random things!

I know I am being hard upon equal chance, but by its very definition it is odd.

Chance depends on many factors, which are often out of our hands to control, hence the chance. It is not certain. Therefore equal chances can be partially based upon, or rely upon, the equality of ideals and ideas that people hold about others and about life and so on. This is when equal chance often falls down. Consider the dreaded ethos of ‘not what you know, but who you know in life’ which helps propel you to succeed (I have covered this topic before)!!! Where are the equal chances then??

This ‘who you know vs what you know’ is the inequality of status and of chance. This very notion causes people to become unequal – one person uses their good fortune,equality and chance to help another they can affiliate with (someone who is similar to them in every-way). Therefore, in essence, they are ring-fencing the chance, equality and good fortune of success to the chosen few.

What then can change? Are there any options to make equality apply to everyone?

Perhaps ‘positive discrimination’?

God no! Positive discrimination is akin to ‘pity’ equality. Look at all female quotas (adopted in political elections and so on), which didn’t last and were not sustainable. These were actually a form of discrimination in my view; positive, well for me that is debatable especially as positive discrimination, per se is an oxymoron. If we need such things then obviously discrimination, and the reasons for it have not been addressed or fixed.

I think we need to look far deeper to address the born equal or equality in life, or equal chance myth.

For me we propose and declare equality to try and ease our own disconcerting feelings. Telling people everyone is born equal allows for there to be no need to address inequalities in life. If you deny inequality then you don’t accept people are unequal. Therefore, conveniently it is a persons own fault if they are not equal, and that has nothing to do with the fact they live in a floundering and discriminating society.

 

Individual responsibility – become equal and on your own terms. Yeah, in a society that blatantly makes that an impossible feat, good luck – catch 22 or what!

Equality is a nice theory, but it would be even nicer in practice (when it finally occurs in the world).

Until then, let us not fool ourselves – we are not born equal.

 

The Bored Blogger

I have been absent from WordPress for a little while, and for good reasons, may I add.

I am thoroughly bored!!!!!!!

Blogging has begun to feel as though it serves as no use or ornament in my life; in short, it serves NO purpose for me any more.

I guess I am frustrated. I’m not sure whether my frustrations lie with the confines of WordPress or the fact I have little enthusiasm for the topics being written about. Who can tell!

 

I think I have realised that the more followers I have, the less connected I feel. I assumed followers/following would guarantee interaction, because there would be more people to ‘converse’ with, but I fear I have been wrong in that assumption.

The amount of times I have left comments on blogs, and so on and so forth, and received nothing in return is disheartening. Realising that the comments I take time to contribute mean so little to the person who is blogging just like I am, is harsh! I mean really, why blog if you don’t wish to even acknowledge your readers!

 

It seems everyone is so wrapped up with self promotion, selling something, writing, gaining followers and following blogs (they never visit). Hardly anyone seems to make the effort to really connect, to engage, to really enjoy what is being written any more. This for me is truly sad.

I know there are bloggers out there who do engage, respond and connect – I am lucky that those of you who DO read The Savvy Senorita are such bloggers, and have given my writing great support (which I thank you all for)! I hope that I have done the same for you all too (or maybe you think not)?

Anyway, its just that when I first begun blogging at WordPress, I felt there was more of a sense of real community. I spoke to fellow bloggers regularly, we interacted via trading thought provoking comments and there were so many different topics out there to debate. Now it seems to me that these ‘old school’ bloggers have become out-numbered by more disinterested and aloof types. Consequently, I feel the words have run dry.

 

I can’t help but wonder, why in the Hell do I blog???!!! AND no, I’m not expecting anyone to run the defence of my writing skills, or wise crack over my lack of skills, I am just asking; what is the point in blogging to an absent audience?????

I know I’m not the only blogger feeling disillusioned, deflated, disheartened and fed-up. Other bloggers have confessed to me that they are having similar feelings regarding their own blogs and efforts. Maybe these people choose not to make their feelings public, because they are afraid to broach this subject as they wish to avoid remonstrations, well, I’m not one for holding my tongue!

I know I want to see more of the bloggers who want to write and read and comment and respond and engage. All of that interaction IS blogging; sitting on the side-lines playing a ‘how many likes can I get in an hour’ while ignoring my readers ISN’T blogging!

It makes me question; has blogging become nothing more than a popularity contest gone wrong?????????????

 

Anyway, regardless of the fact I feel most of this blogging malarkey has become pretty vacuous and glib (sorry, but it is how I feel), I do really want to hold out a hope that WordPress will change. I hope it will revert to how I felt it was when I first begun this pointless blog of mine – interesting and connected; a place where bloggers want to be involved with other peoples writing and their readership.

So, if you too are feeling the frustrations let me know!!

If you don’t understand where in the Hell I’m coming from, well, lucky you!

If you think I’m being a malicious mare, just double check the meaning before you make any accusations!!

 

 

 

 

Death Is Not The End

Nothing can prepare you for hearing those words, of realising that too soon you have to face up to such a harsh truth. Its knowledge that once gained alters everything else from that moment on. It is like the moment freezes, and suddenly normal body functions, such as breathing, become laboured as though the weight of this awful thing is physically, as well as emotionally bearing down on you.

A friend of mine has recently gone through the trauma of the death of her Father. When the news that his illness had taken a turn for the worse and had become life threatening, she was actually with me.

I felt futile; what can anyone say or do to relieve such sorrow and the empty hollowness that such events bring; nothing, no one can make it all better and take that from you. No words fit such a dramatic and profound event, it is beyond such things.

Such events change us I heard, and not just mentally and emotionally but actually physically too. For two years after a death those who are left behind have to also endure a physical change to their bodies as a result of loss and grief. I think this change never heals, how can it? You are not, nor ever will be the same person before that person died.

‘They’ do say a lot of things about death, like if we all experience things the same way. I am aware that grief moves in a process, and it does; after time this process should be completed and the individual remaining should be free of the feeling of loss and sadness (so ‘they’ say). For me that has never been the case.

My friend’s loss resonated with me; in that poignant and raw moment, that to be honest was fairly surreal for me, my own experiences of losing a loved one was quickly revived. I realised I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. I wasn’t able to deal with or cope with the unresolved feelings in myself, that were brought forth by my friend’s own heart breaking news.

My lingering grief remains extremely difficult to discuss, and for me the emotions and sadness are like raw and exposed nerves, which to this day cause me great distress. Even typing this, and thinking about what I want to say here, is more overwhelming than I thought it would be. I can feel the emotion sitting like a mound in my chest; it feels heavy and tight, I feel stressed and dizzy, afraid and upset. It’s almost like shock.

I am obviously not detached from the death of my loved ones, especially one in particular.

What prompted me to want to write this entry was something that happened a few nights ago. I have been thinking about this, although trying not to. It has been a while since I dreamt of the person I lost, but this dream was more vivid than ever I recall. They were back, standing in their house surrounded by other family members. I recall being immediately eager to see them. I pushed through a couple of people to get to this person, and we hugged each other tightly. I told the person I’d missed them so much, and feared I’d never see them again. This person said they knew that, but that they were with me, and had been watching me and were proud of me.

It was my final dream before waking. I got up and sat on the sofa and cried.

I haven’t told anyone else about this, the reason I write it here is that it is anonymous, and no one knows me, nor will anyone in my life have to know that right now, I am crying typing these words. I am obviously still affected by a death that occurred over 10 years ago. This is something I cannot resolve for myself, I haven’t the power to make it OK for myself.

The person I still mourn was special to me, that person shaped my life and is part of who I am. If I am selfish for wishing they were still here to talk to, ask advice of, hear their opinions, debate politics with or just laugh with, then I am and I don’t think that is a flaw. I don’t want them not to rest wherever they are, they deserve to be free of their body and to be happy in a good place; but I still miss them.

This death was an unexpected event. People used to say, ‘Oh, that is a good thing no suffering’; well let me tell you it wasn’t a good death for those of us who loved that person. That was just un-thoughtful and infuriating to hear. It was like they made light of the trauma and loss, as though we should have been grateful.

There were no goodbyes for us, no time to put things in order, hear the last words, and give one final kiss. No way of understanding, coming to terms with anything. How could it have been that one moment this person was alive, and the next gone forever, where no one could follow them. I couldn’t understand the difference in those moments, like a light had been switched off. Why that person had be extinguished in such an extreme manner, with all the evidence left behind that they had merely just stepped out, and would return at any given moment. It was cruel.

I couldn’t get that straight for years; that severed separation without warning left a deep wound. I kept asking the questions, wanting all the medical reasons and I hated everything and everyone for it being as it was. It was like unfinished business. I felt cheated, lied to and deceived, guilty too. In those moments I would have gladly shared my own life with that person so they could have lived on. I begged for that and prayed for it. Death couldn’t be the end.

What made it worse was the fact there had been this over bearing feeling of doom. A lingering and awful feeling that wouldn’t leave. I felt something terrible was going to happen, something I couldn’t change. In fact I felt it on that very morning of that person’s death, and ignored it. I didn’t go and see that person as something inside my self urged me to. I thought I was just being melodramatic, but after gaining a call when I was nearly 70 miles away that day to return home, I knew immediately it was going to be the worst news that greeted my return.

People don’t have to believe what I felt, but I know what I felt, and those around me know too, because they were there every time I told them something bad was going to happen. I felt that it was going to be something horrendous, so bad, it would make me cry hysterically.

I felt guilt, if only I had said and done something as a reaction to this feeling. Maybe I could have intervened and changed what happened. I felt I had let them and myself down. I felt I was a terrible person; by ignoring my bad feeling, I had just let the person die.

Writing this now was something I thought I’d never do, as I even avoid talking about it, because as I have mentioned already it is painful and distressing. I don’t like how it makes me feel still, sick, all through my system. Yet, it is there and somewhere I feel I have to let it go.

I can cope with most things life throws at me, but this is one thing I still cannot cope with and feel it still. This has created a great concern in me; that those I love will end up the same, and I won’t be there to see them, to comfort them to tell them I love them. That they will leave me the same way, without goodbye. I am frightened of that, not of my own death, but anyone else’s. Even admitting that scares me, it’s like tempting fate by exposing that weakness publicly, that something terrible will happen.

I’d like to know if anyone else feels like I do. I’d like to know I’m normal, and that amongst all these faceless bloggers I am somehow not alone in these emotions. Maybe this is my post where I truly write for personal therapy. I don’t want sympathy or to pull the ‘hard luck’ story, I don’t feel hard done by. I just suppose I want to gain an understanding of why I feel this way still, to gain comfort from knowing of others who have felt or do feel like me. Maybe I just needed to admit what damage grief has done, even after the years have ticked by the pain still can endure, and affect us who are left behind who just don’t understand why.

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© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.