7 Things I believe In

I have seen this type of post attached to blogs who have been nominated for or won blog awards, and I felt inspired by them! I wondered why wait for such an accolade to impart to one and all the things I believe in?! Well, I am not waiting! Although I am in no way being facetious or mocking such awards. In fact, I want to take the time to say congratulations to all of those who do receive blog awards!!! You will get no queries from me as to why or how they have, because some of those nominated and winning blogs I myself read and LOVE!!!!! Any award gained is deserved in my eyes! However, I myself am not expecting any-time soon, or ever in fact, to receive such an award; but I think that doesn’t mean MY beliefs or YOURS for that matter, are any less consequential.

So, let us CELEBRATE our beliefs, whatever they may be!!!!! I would like to begin by asking anyone who reads this to do the same; post a post about your beliefs on your blog! If I can do it, and I am so cagey about giving myself away online, then you can do it!

 

1)      The true believers:

Now this is a broad ‘statement’, but I refer to those who are there for you in your life regardless of the situation or circumstances. These people who give of themselves tirelessly, and don’t expect a thing in return are the true stars in the world. Somewhere, at sometime they appear and for as long as they remain with you cherish them and their presence; as they are part of a rare breed worth celebrating.

 

2)      Value yourself:

I am the worst critic of myself, and do the most damage to myself. I can be my own worst enemy. I think this is quite normal for most people though. Regardless of this, I still believe in valuing who I am and what I stand for. If I am against myself then how can I expect others to be on my side? There is only me, I can be no-one else, and really and truly I don’t want to be anyone but me; for all my flaws and quirks!

 

3)      Come what may:

I am a firm believer in ‘right place, right time’, or fate. Elusive as the terms seems to be I believe that somewhere there is a guiding force leading us on; and I don’t mean religion either (though each to their own). No doubt we make choices in our life, but somehow I always find that old saying ‘whatever is meant to be never passes us by’ holds true. Getting hung up on things never makes things any better or easier, so I try to always believe in ‘come what may’; usually then the most unexpected, but good things seem to flourish! Being in the moment and accepting things for what they are, for me is a better option than working my mind up into overdrive, whilst I try to fathom out all the details!

 

4)      Be kind not cruel:

I don’t understand people who are nasty for the sake of it. I believe in being kind to people until provoked otherwise. What is the point in wasting time being wrapped up in hatred? Where does that get anyone? I believe in accepting people for who they are, enjoying people’s diversity, and being happy for people’s good fortune. Life is after all too short and too precious!

 

5)      Live life:

I believe in living my life, or at least trying to! Regardless of how frightened, anxious, down or diverted I have been, I believe in living! Being receptive to positive experiences, opportunities and the possibility to develop makes life worthwhile. I think regardless of how out of my depth I have felt I have taken those things as a challenge to grow. Nothing comes easy, things are stressing and confusing, trying can seem impossible; but giving up = gaining nothing.

 

6)      Be content:

I believe in contentment, but admit it is hard to obtain all of the time! Contentment for me is more than happiness; it is fully immersing myself in a moment, and embracing the time and place I am in without wanting anything more. Whenever I feel this all things just click into place, and I am at peace with myself. I think we are so used to trying to attain goals and so on, busy rushing from one thing to next that we don’t take the time to evaluate what we have. We should realise more often just how lucky we actually are, and stop wishing our lives away.

 

7)      Love:

This is not last on my list because it means less to me, it is THE most important. I believe in love, and feel lucky to love and be loved J Love for me can be demonstrated in many different ways, but it is always; unconditional, will weather any storm, lift me from the darkest depths and flood my life with something no words can really express. You have to love, love!

 

So there are my 7 things, now, what are yours?!  

 

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One Good Run

Aspire to climb as high as you can dream

‘Without pursuing our dreams we might as well be vegetables’, Burt Munro who set the fastest land speed world record in 1967 on a 1920 Indian Scout Motorbike; he was 68 at the time.

Following a dream that others might deem improbable or ridiculous; dedication or delusion?

I constantly talk about following a life path or feeling like I am losing my purpose, and people, even those close to me, look at me like I’ve gone crazy. The concept of a life ‘path’ or ‘purpose’ seems alien to them.

I strongly believe there is more to life than the mundane day in and out routine; shopping, the 9-5, paying bills, and so on and so on. I refuse to believe there are people out there devoid of dreams, ambitions or without ‘illusions of grandeur’. How can people be happy or satisfied with merely the ‘norm’?

Everyone surely harbours some dream, grew up wanting to be something; a teacher, a politician, a dancer or an astronaut?

So, when did these dreams and ambitions cease to exist, and become condemned to the vault of the unobtainable?

Is there something wrong with wanting more or holding onto your life dreams?

Is there a time to merely give up and accept defeat?

Well, Burt Munro never gave up. He began his dedication to racing Motorbikes in 1926, and all the while he searched for new ways to make them perform faster. This relentless pursuit of his dream led him to make a world record that still holds today.

Burt Munro held onto the idea that he had one good run left in him, until the very end of his life. He didn’t abandon the verve required to succeed.

He never gave up, never relinquished what he felt he had to do, never wavered over what was right for him; and that to me is admirable, and to be honest awe inspiring.

Burt surely proves it is never too late, and that you should never give up on your dream or yourself.

Burt Munro never gave up his dreams.

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Death Is Not The End

Nothing can prepare you for hearing those words, of realising that too soon you have to face up to such a harsh truth. Its knowledge that once gained alters everything else from that moment on. It is like the moment freezes, and suddenly normal body functions, such as breathing, become laboured as though the weight of this awful thing is physically, as well as emotionally bearing down on you.

A friend of mine has recently gone through the trauma of the death of her Father. When the news that his illness had taken a turn for the worse and had become life threatening, she was actually with me.

I felt futile; what can anyone say or do to relieve such sorrow and the empty hollowness that such events bring; nothing, no one can make it all better and take that from you. No words fit such a dramatic and profound event, it is beyond such things.

Such events change us I heard, and not just mentally and emotionally but actually physically too. For two years after a death those who are left behind have to also endure a physical change to their bodies as a result of loss and grief. I think this change never heals, how can it? You are not, nor ever will be the same person before that person died.

‘They’ do say a lot of things about death, like if we all experience things the same way. I am aware that grief moves in a process, and it does; after time this process should be completed and the individual remaining should be free of the feeling of loss and sadness (so ‘they’ say). For me that has never been the case.

My friend’s loss resonated with me; in that poignant and raw moment, that to be honest was fairly surreal for me, my own experiences of losing a loved one was quickly revived. I realised I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. I wasn’t able to deal with or cope with the unresolved feelings in myself, that were brought forth by my friend’s own heart breaking news.

My lingering grief remains extremely difficult to discuss, and for me the emotions and sadness are like raw and exposed nerves, which to this day cause me great distress. Even typing this, and thinking about what I want to say here, is more overwhelming than I thought it would be. I can feel the emotion sitting like a mound in my chest; it feels heavy and tight, I feel stressed and dizzy, afraid and upset. It’s almost like shock.

I am obviously not detached from the death of my loved ones, especially one in particular.

What prompted me to want to write this entry was something that happened a few nights ago. I have been thinking about this, although trying not to. It has been a while since I dreamt of the person I lost, but this dream was more vivid than ever I recall. They were back, standing in their house surrounded by other family members. I recall being immediately eager to see them. I pushed through a couple of people to get to this person, and we hugged each other tightly. I told the person I’d missed them so much, and feared I’d never see them again. This person said they knew that, but that they were with me, and had been watching me and were proud of me.

It was my final dream before waking. I got up and sat on the sofa and cried.

I haven’t told anyone else about this, the reason I write it here is that it is anonymous, and no one knows me, nor will anyone in my life have to know that right now, I am crying typing these words. I am obviously still affected by a death that occurred over 10 years ago. This is something I cannot resolve for myself, I haven’t the power to make it OK for myself.

The person I still mourn was special to me, that person shaped my life and is part of who I am. If I am selfish for wishing they were still here to talk to, ask advice of, hear their opinions, debate politics with or just laugh with, then I am and I don’t think that is a flaw. I don’t want them not to rest wherever they are, they deserve to be free of their body and to be happy in a good place; but I still miss them.

This death was an unexpected event. People used to say, ‘Oh, that is a good thing no suffering’; well let me tell you it wasn’t a good death for those of us who loved that person. That was just un-thoughtful and infuriating to hear. It was like they made light of the trauma and loss, as though we should have been grateful.

There were no goodbyes for us, no time to put things in order, hear the last words, and give one final kiss. No way of understanding, coming to terms with anything. How could it have been that one moment this person was alive, and the next gone forever, where no one could follow them. I couldn’t understand the difference in those moments, like a light had been switched off. Why that person had be extinguished in such an extreme manner, with all the evidence left behind that they had merely just stepped out, and would return at any given moment. It was cruel.

I couldn’t get that straight for years; that severed separation without warning left a deep wound. I kept asking the questions, wanting all the medical reasons and I hated everything and everyone for it being as it was. It was like unfinished business. I felt cheated, lied to and deceived, guilty too. In those moments I would have gladly shared my own life with that person so they could have lived on. I begged for that and prayed for it. Death couldn’t be the end.

What made it worse was the fact there had been this over bearing feeling of doom. A lingering and awful feeling that wouldn’t leave. I felt something terrible was going to happen, something I couldn’t change. In fact I felt it on that very morning of that person’s death, and ignored it. I didn’t go and see that person as something inside my self urged me to. I thought I was just being melodramatic, but after gaining a call when I was nearly 70 miles away that day to return home, I knew immediately it was going to be the worst news that greeted my return.

People don’t have to believe what I felt, but I know what I felt, and those around me know too, because they were there every time I told them something bad was going to happen. I felt that it was going to be something horrendous, so bad, it would make me cry hysterically.

I felt guilt, if only I had said and done something as a reaction to this feeling. Maybe I could have intervened and changed what happened. I felt I had let them and myself down. I felt I was a terrible person; by ignoring my bad feeling, I had just let the person die.

Writing this now was something I thought I’d never do, as I even avoid talking about it, because as I have mentioned already it is painful and distressing. I don’t like how it makes me feel still, sick, all through my system. Yet, it is there and somewhere I feel I have to let it go.

I can cope with most things life throws at me, but this is one thing I still cannot cope with and feel it still. This has created a great concern in me; that those I love will end up the same, and I won’t be there to see them, to comfort them to tell them I love them. That they will leave me the same way, without goodbye. I am frightened of that, not of my own death, but anyone else’s. Even admitting that scares me, it’s like tempting fate by exposing that weakness publicly, that something terrible will happen.

I’d like to know if anyone else feels like I do. I’d like to know I’m normal, and that amongst all these faceless bloggers I am somehow not alone in these emotions. Maybe this is my post where I truly write for personal therapy. I don’t want sympathy or to pull the ‘hard luck’ story, I don’t feel hard done by. I just suppose I want to gain an understanding of why I feel this way still, to gain comfort from knowing of others who have felt or do feel like me. Maybe I just needed to admit what damage grief has done, even after the years have ticked by the pain still can endure, and affect us who are left behind who just don’t understand why.

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

‘What Dreams May Come’

When I dream I enter a vivid and fantastical world, where anything, quite literally, is possible. I see scenes played out in places, with people, characters and ‘things’ I don’t even recognise; the colours and images are wonderful, delicate, intricate and complex, as are the languages and actions. It’s as though my brain becomes home to a tiny film production company overnight without my knowledge! My dreams could rival any Hollywood blockbuster, and I just wish I could record them to show to everyone else! I look forward to dreaming, I love the experience. I was under the impression that everyone’s dreams were in the same type of quality, and had the same weird scenarios playing into miniature films like me; yet, apparently not.

I couldn’t imagine going to sleep and merely dreaming about the mundane or constricting my imagination to only what I know such as; work, home, friends and family. I mean that would be severely boring and uninspiring!!!! If I wasn’t flying through the sky, being a vampire, running and fighting Zombies and Demons, climbing mountains, meeting aliens, spaceships landing in my garden and being a professional singer I’d not want to go to sleep again, it would disappointment me beyond belief!

What are your dreams like; weird and wonderful or run of mill?

What do you think your dreams say about you and your life?

Feel free to leave your comments.

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Is the Grass EVER Greener?

I returned to the UK a couple of weeks back, and during this trip I arranged to meet up with two friends I hadn’t seen in a long while. My friend had booked a lovely restaurant and we planned a true ‘girl’s night out’. After we had gladly made our first Vodka toast of the night, talk turned to less lighter topics.

It was during this conversation that I soon discovered the reasons why one of my friends had decided to leave her husband.

When I had initially met my friend through work, she had a luxury lifestyle. Her and her Husband both had excellent jobs, a wonderful house and fabulous cars; they took exotic holidays four times a year, and had no real money or other worries to complain of. Or, so was the impression she gave. It was a short while after this time that my friend left all of this lifestyle behind. The reason behind such a decision was because her Husband was too distant, and in her words ‘didn’t notice’ she was there. The man she consequently left him for had noticed she was there, and that was the ingredient she felt had been sorely missing in her marital relationship.

Now she had seen that the grass was greener, she didn’t hesitate to follow her heart and leave. Only she hadn’t anticipated that the decision to leave her Husband, and move in with her new love would not be quite as she expected it would be.

Soon enough the new situation, and new man, turned sour. The once secure and sensible woman didn’t metamorphize into a fulfilled individual as she hoped to become, but instead into a lonely, depressed and abused woman. The new man used her for money, took drugs and beat her; but she had made her choice, and as the rut grew around her she believed there was no escape.

It took two years for her to gain the motivation, courage and confidence to leave, and through this time she began to realise her mistakes. Leaving her Husband hadn’t been the solution to her problems; suddenly she saw how good her life had been, because that life was now lost to her.

‘The grass is greener’, twice my friend succumbed to this; leaving her Husband, and then again when she realised the loss of a past life she had not fully seen or appreciated.

Why do people do this time and time again? It takes the loss of, sometimes, everything, to realise what they had. What drives that impulse to desire, covet or pursue something they deem denied to them? Is it a case of be careful what you wish for? Does every person who decides to take such a drastic leap into that field of greener grass end up regretting their actions? Or is this more about an individual than a situation; the issues are within them and not on the outside?

Is the grass ever truly greener?

Or, is it greener?

Take a look at this link below for Psychological answers to the question:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201107/mythbusters-the-grass-is-not-always-greener-the-other-sid

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Ambition Drives The Wheels Of Success.

Or does it?? Maybe ambition can hamper success, depends on what you aim to succeed at. We are all encouraged to do something that people themselves have a knowledge or experience in. What if you want to be something different, out of the norm? How do you succeed at a profession which sometimes has no written formula of success? What happens is that one day you wake to realise you are never going to be that rock star, astronaut or ballet dancer, and then life sucks! How can anyone settle for less than their hearts burning desire?

I would love there to be some education into actually helping kids discover how to become what they truly want to be, however off the wall it may appear to be, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many mid-life breakdowns!

Some things are nothing to do with ambition, but the application of it. How do you ever know you are applying it correctly when people in general don’t seem to have the answers you may require??

After years labouring in one direction I have now chosen to turn away from a ‘career’ path I thought I should pursue; again living up to other people’s ideals of a life. Now I am left wandering in the darkness wondering how to make what I truly want to achieve happen! How do you become a rock star?? How do you get a golden ticket in life?? Does one exist or are we all labouring under some false delusion instilled by the fairy tales we watched and read as children?

One final thought; I’d have found career services in school/college/work far more beneficial if they hadn’t just focused on the academic careers.  I was led to believe that I’d get no-where pursuing my creative side, and now I haven’t a clue how to truly forge a path into that working environment.

Maybe it is all luck or again that elusive and un-quantified term, FATE.

Copy Right Notice:
© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.