A Helping Hand

Recently I have been speaking to people about what is takes to help them help themselves through certain situations, which are impacting upon their lives and well-being.

This is a personal issue really, one that involves not just other people, but also myself. I have realised, for some time actually, that this notion of ‘helping yourself’, is something of a hurdle for me at the moment too.

Now I know I am really good at lending helping hands to other people, it had been part and parcel of my many job descriptions over the years, and I did it without question. Providing advice, options, sign posting, information, listening and even comforting others; yet, helping myself to progress, to move on, to find direction, right now I seem unable to, I am beginning to fail myself.

We all find there are times when we have lost ourselves, some control and direction. How do we regain focus and find what we have misplaced????? Is it a case of actions speaking louder than words, or is it that once we find ourselves stuck – we remain so???

Do we all need a helping hand, a sign to show us the way sometimes?? Or is all that help and direction laying dormant within us, and waiting for us to actually see and hear it – rather than insisting upon searching beyond ourselves for answers???

Taking some time out to do what you want, or to think about what it is you want from your life – has to be a good thing, we all need time out. Time out can help us to regain our life’s compass settings. Time out takes you out of you, and the situation you find yourself in – it can help us to see things clearer – to then perhaps progress.

I think thinking is great, but doing something is too. Yet, how do you know what to do and when to do it – how can we know how if we are lost??? Is it just finding a reason to want to do something, and begin the ball rolling, which will help us to then move on and find what is missing in us and our lives? Can we then escape the pit that our lives have fallen into??

What if you don’t want to help yourself though, or more poignantly, can’t help yourself – how can you then progress and move on???

If there is help available for you to help yourself then take it! Yet, help isn’t always there – so what do you do then??

If you don’t know your direction in life; I empathise, as neither do I!!! Nothing I do or think changes this either – it seems complex, unless I am over thinking it all!!!!!!

I am stuck with uncertainties regarding my future, just as anyone could be. Only difference is I know about it in advance, and others might not have this insight so early on. Can I change anything about what might happen to me, well, I have tried.  Have I tried hard enough though, no not really – I have been lazy too long a time.

I now find myself wondering if I have the ability to take back my life and direction. So, what happens – depends on IF
I want to help myself or whether I just continue to sit back, and let MY life slide out of view (well, eventually, perhaps).

Sorry to be angst ridden and depressive, no one likes negative moaners right? Yet, sometimes, I feel like airing my laundry publicly and admitting – I have issues too!!!!! I am stuck, lost and confounded. I require a sign post, a helping hand. I don’t have all the answers I might need. I don’t have all the strength I might need to find my way either.

I admit that, so what??? Turn your back and think pathetic fool? Or, just maybe you get what I feel, and can lend that helping hand as I know I have, and would time and time again.

Yet, you are not me……………….

…………………………………………..and I am not you.

Unpicking You

How can you, unpick you – that is your fundamentals, what has made you you for so long?

I always think of myself as sentimental layers of life experiences built up over years, and compacted together to form layers which represent my whole being, a person; for the moment, a ‘final product’.

If there is something amiss, somewhere deep down in all that sediment layering then how can that be sifted through? How do we locate successfully that one ‘bad seed’ upsetting the equilibrium of our being, creating disharmony?

There are certain things which effect me and impact on my life; these I feel are embedded reactions to something long gone or long ago learnt. These embedded ‘flaws’ or ‘bad’ reactions, ‘faulty’ coping mechanisms or whatever else are more difficult to locate in my life layering than something recently learnt, experienced and assimilated into myself.

In fact, pin pointing the specific incident that triggered these flawed behaviours, faulty coping mechanisms or bad reactions which currently effect me, is the hardest thing to do! Perhaps the reason for this is because they are anchored to my childhood, before I was fully cognisant?

If something impacts upon us before we are fully self aware, how can we then unpick these flaws in ourselves? How do we begin to find the thread to unravel, and unpick ourselves, thus solving these issues we have? How can a root be found without knowing first where to look for it?

Isn’t what we have automatically assimilated into our fundamental core person, the most difficult to then rectify if there are problems with this assimilation?

Perhaps then it is time to move on from even trying to unpick ourselves. Is it ever worth spending time feeling that we should be more than we are? Is it worth considering that one moment, long ago in our past, may have diverted us from becoming a different person – one perhaps more ’rounded’ and grounded?

I have begun to think not.

Some things have no rhyme or reason, they just are. The best method of healing, for me, is to just accept my ‘warts and all’, and embrace who I am – faulty or otherwise! Unpicking myself, unraveling my threads would, I feel, create more problems than it would solve. I may be flawed, faulty and even bad on occasions, but then that is me, the only me I know – so who is anyone else to contest that?

None of us are perfect, but those little imperfections make us all perfect just the way we are.

Who would we be without our little flaws – would we be better people or would we be worse? Who can really ever know for certain.

Read Yourself Into Well-Being

According to a study undertaken by the University of Glasgow; 2000 people diagnosed with Depression have made considerable steps towards feeling ‘better’, and have been able to manage their Depression with only the use of self help books.

Yes, the humble SELF HELP BOOK.

However, maybe these books aren’t the miracle they are being deemed to be as half of the studies participants were also receiving Anti-Depressants too.

So, is it possible that a few months with a self help book as your companion, and a a couple of sessions with an adviser (who informs you how to get the most out of this literature), really be the ultimate ‘cure’?

Well, the NHS think so. They seem willing to invest in this treatment, and no wonder as it is claimed this approach could save the NHS £272m and the public sector £700m. A considerable sum of money.

Yet is this just another quick fix being employed to rid the NHS of waiting lists for much needed Psychological treatments?

After all medications are readily prescribed by GPs to those patients waiting, and waiting, and waiting for therapies such as counselling. So perhaps another prescription, albeit in the form of self books wouldn’t be that unusual.

The truth is though that the demand for Psychological treatments is so extreme that the NHS cannot keep up with the referrals being made, and the investment required. Anti-Depressants, or any prescription can be used as a stop gap, a plaster for a deeper wound; therefore removing people from any waiting list which would lead to more money being spent. Yet, wouldn’t the cost be less if the true and deep seated issues were actually being addressed instead of bypassed by drugs and books?

These Anti-Depressant prescriptions actually cost the NHS £16m, but these drugs solve none of the patients real issues; 2 thirds of patients don’t respond to the medication at all. So, why are the NHS willing to waste more money on a dead end, but not a ‘cure’ which Psychological therapies can provide?

How can self help books therefore be contenders, when it has been proven that therapies like CBT are actually what is required?

Is it a case of considering a joined up response? What doesn’t work for one may indeed be beneficial to another? Perhaps; as everyone responds differently to different treatments. Or, maybe it is another save money quick scam.

WHAT DO YOU THINK??? SHARE WITH ME YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS COMPLEX TOPIC…….

Would you be happy for your GP to prescribe a self help book instead of CBT???

Have self help books worked for you??

Do you think medication alone is the answer??

Is it right that the NHS should cut its funding for Psychological therapies??

HAVE YOUR SAY NOW!