A School Reunion

School reunions, the very words make me cringe!!!

To be blunt, opting to reunite with school ‘friends’, is the sort of thing that evokes imagery of Hell. I can think of little worse than spending my free time with the fakes and phonies of yesteryear, in what would be a completely forced ‘pleased to see you’ situation. Let me be honest, these ‘friends’ are the very people I had to spend my school days with! Why then would I, via my own volition, decide to reunite with them, when I was more than content to never have to see them again???

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cynical about school and enduring friendships. I do have one good friend from my school days, just one, but we have been friends since we were eight years old and know each other better than most married couples do! So, I am aware that some friendships do last, However, I am in contact with the one and only school friend that I want to keep in contact with, I therefore don’t feel the desire to catch up and reminisce with those I have always deemed to be fake friends. The past is the past and for me it is best left there!

Although I may be unnerved by the thought of a school reunion, I can’t quite escape it either. This is because my good friend of too many years to count has decided to be in attendance, though I truly wish she would change her mind. I suppose I will then have to hear all about the night in blow by blow grim detail, yuck! I can understand why she longs to go though, as she likes to know what’s happening, I on the other don’t. I am disinterested beyond expression regarding the ups and downs of Joe Bloggs of yester-year. I couldn’t care if Joe Bloggs has walked on the moon or festered in vomit, just so long as I need never be troubled by any of it or any of them!

I have actually asked my friend the simple question of what exactly she expects from this school reunion. I mean what would have changed so dramatically about these past ‘friends’ that it would make a reunion worth having; in my opinion nothing near enough to make me willingly attend! Well, I know these ‘used to be’ kids may have grown up, but as far as I’m concerned, only in stature. My evidence to substantiate this accusation; I used to have a personal Facebook page. Those school ‘friends’ I did allow access to my page hadn’t really changed their outlook on life or other people. Unfortunately for them they still are petty, immature, self- obsessed, jealous, boastful, vile, disingenuous and nasty; bad character traits don’t necessarily diminish with age!

So, a school reunion is a euphemism. It’s really the renewed opportunity for these people to brag about how wonderful they are, to try and make others feel inferior to boost their already gigantic egos and for them to have the audacity to pretend as though we were all bosom buddies! Personally, I don’t need to waste precious time on validating myself or my life to complete strangers, to people that didn’t and don’t mean a jot to me! So, I am certainly not going to rent a limo, and buy an expensive dress to go and play let’s pretend we’re grown-ups!

School reunion is merely another chance for the arseholes you despised in school to try and take pot-shots at you and yours. It’s the time to reunite with the bullies, the bitches, the wannabes, the fakers and the phonies as they all clamour for attention and desperately try to gain approval to demonstrate how they are the number one, no-one!

So I ask, is life so dull that I would surrender myself to such masochistic acts? No it’s not, and even if it was, I’d rather sit at home and watch paint dry than suffer the action!

School reunions, in my opinion it is a disaster waiting to happen!

“Spotted”

I must admit, reading about “Spotted” in the news once again came as no surprise to me. Sadly, it seems everyday a new wave of internet indecency or nastiness becomes part of the norm.

And, make no mistake, the materials posted upon “Spotted” are particularly grotesque. But, I still have to question; aren’t such materials in many ways merely an expression of freedom, and of being human?

In truth, it is completely normal and part of everyday life – men and women will look at, talk about, fantasise about and trade lewd comments/pictures of the opposite sex. They don’t need the internet for this either.

So, I have to ask – how far is too far on the internet?

And, has “Spotted” reached, breached and exceeded the limits?

For those of you who don’t know what ‘Spotted’ is, allow me to provide you with some shockingly foul-mouthed quotes which illustrates it clearly (warning – profanities follow);

“That blonde haired girl who just walked into the 2nd floor of the library is fucking banging” – ‘Spotted: Reading University Library’ (3718 likes).

“To the dirty skank… for gods sake buy some new leggings!! jesus christ! i can see your minge!” [sic] – ‘Spotted: Swansea University Campus’ (2407 likes).

“To the girl talking about harry potter. i think your arse might be a horcrux, im gonna have to destroy it tonight” – ‘Spotted: Kent Uni Library’ (4209 likes).

These comments are typical examples of what “Spotted” has to offer. Male university students and their velvet tongues, produce one disgusting comment after another, and it is shrugged off as a type of compliment that their female peers should enjoy receiving.

“Spotted” pages are in fact part of the Facebook family. They are pages that encourage students to write comments and messages about their peers, which are published anonymously by page administrators. Many of the pages target specific universities (each page supposedly run by a student at that institution), with hundreds of different pages appearing on Facebook. Many of the pages have been liked thousands of times.

The “about” sections of most of the pages innocent enough, they encourage students to share funny incidents, grievances or secret crushes, but the reality is very different. Many of the pages consist of heavily sexualised and offensive comments about students’ appearance and sexuality, and female students are targeted with particularly misogynistic comments.

“To the stuck up slut who looked at me as if I’d just slipped a finger up her grandma…“ –‘Spotted: University of Portsmouth Library’ (7460 likes).

Some posts include images, seemingly uploaded without the subjects’ knowledge or consent.

A current post on the ‘Spotted: University of Essex’ page (3955 likes) shows a young woman sitting at a computer, apparently unaware of the fact that her underwear is exposed above the waistband of her trousers, or of the fact that she is being photographed from behind. The caption on the photograph reads: “Nice bit a crack in the reading room.” [sic]

Another picture featuring a female student, again taken from behind and apparently without consent, appears on the “Spotted: Coventry University” page (4097 likes), captioned: “Asian girls and their asses though.” Several of the posts nastily blend racism with sexism.

A post appearing on the ‘Spotted: Hotty in Hartley Library’ page (3493 likes), displays a picture of a female student from behind, and asks fellow students to identify her so the poster “can get on that”.

Many posts inform female students what their male peers would like to do to them, or are doing while watching them:

“To the girl on the c+ floor with the red toshiba laptop… i was sitting next to you a few hours ago. I literally couldn’t take my hand out of my pants the whole time.” [sic]

“To the hot girl sitting opposite me on level 3, do you mind if I have a cheeky danger wank whilst looking at you?“

“To the sexy brunette on the 4th floor, will you be my girlfrien? I didn’t add the D because you’ll get that later.”

 Others veer from sexual objectification towards bullying:

 “To the girl in the floor 4 toilets, you’re not Niagara falls, at some point you’ve gotta stop flowing.”

“The fat bird standing by the printers on the first floor. Don’t want to shag, but could really do with a cuddle.”

Is it all in good fun??

A National Union of Students study reveals that 68% of female students experience sexual harassment during their time at university, and one in seven are seriously physically or sexually assaulted. These statistics actually shocked me; I didn’t know this was the case, and I doubt many female students (current or future) would know either.

So, how harmless are such pages if they feed into a wider student culture which increasingly treats young women as sexual prey?

And, do such pages merely demonstrate, and ensure that sexual harassment infiltrates every part of the academic arena to the point that there are no limits?

I then wonder;

Does “Spotted” encapsulate a new culture of objectification, harassment and misogyny?

How can this freedom of speech be curtailed, or, should it be?

Is “Spotted” just boys being boys or is it more sinister than that?

If you or your daughter were on the receiving end of such grotesque comments, how would you react?

All I can say;

I am thankful “Spotted” didn’t exist when I was a student. It was daunting enough entering the new environment of a large university, leaving home, being frightened, unsure and anxious over everything. I certainly wouldn’t have appreciated contending with this form of bullying and harassment too.

“Spotted” is childish, dangerous, aggressive, soul destroying and cowardly; not the best way to demonstrate what a UK university education can teach you.

Perhaps, a little less lady spotting and a little more studying wouldn’t go amiss.    

Freedom Of Speech?

Everyone has got something to say about how free their speech should be.

However, peoples beliefs, ideas and notions about freedom of speech seem to be in conflict with what it actually is.

Well, what exactly is freedom of speech?

To clarify the mystery let us look at the Wikipedia definition, just so we know we are all on the same page, so to speak:

“Freedom of speech is the political right to communicate one’s opinions and ideas using one’s body and property to anyone who is willing to receive them. The term freedom of expression is sometimes used synonymously, but includes any act of seeking, receiving and imparting information or ideas, regardless of the medium used. In practice, the right to freedom of speech is not absolute in any country and the right is commonly subject to limitations, as with libel, slander, obscenity, sedition (including, for example inciting ethnic hatred), copyright violation, revelation of information that is classified or otherwise.

The right to freedom of expression is recognized as a human right under Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and recognized in international human rights law in the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR). Article 19 of the ICCPR states that “[e]veryone shall have the right to hold opinions without interference” and “everyone shall have the right to freedom of expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive and impart information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of his choice”. Article 19 goes on to say that the exercise of these rights carries “special duties and responsibilities” and may “therefore be subject to certain restrictions” when necessary “[f]or respect of the rights or reputation of others” or “[f]or the protection of national security or of public order (order public), or of public health or morals”.

Interesting. Interesting also to note I have emboldened certain parts of this text, to comment on obviously, as on the this humble piece of the blog-stratosphere, I have the freedom to speak my own opinions.

The first point to consider states that we have the right to; “Communicate one’s opinions and ideas….to anyone who is willing to receive them”. To me, this statement does not mean forcing your opinions or ideas upon those people, who frankly couldn’t care a less. As we all know, we all have our own ideas and opinions, and of course as is human nature, and the difference of being different, they all differ from time to time. What a shock!

Why then do some people think they have a right, or a duty, above and beyond us mere mortals, to shout their ideas and opinions loudest of all? Why do some people wish to drown everyone else out, and force others to shut up and concede to them? Where is the freedom of speech in that ethos? What makes one person, or people, think their ideas and opinions are superior, and are worth listening to more than anyone else’s? “[e]veryone shall have the right to hold opinions without interference”, that is what the definition states loud and clear. Perhaps then these people who wish to subdue everyone else, really ought to educate themselves on the premise of freedom of speech, before they speak!

In other words; if you have something to say then make it worthwhile, otherwise, please just shut up and leave other people alone! We’re not listening if we don’t want to, as per our right, according to freedom of speech!

“The right to freedom of speech is not absolute in any country and the right is commonly subject to limitations”. People often disagree with this, but then of course these people also don’t wish to hear or be informed about other people’s ideas and opinions either. Some people only really want to hear what they want to, and would indeed censor anyone who conflicted with their own ideas and opinions. So, once again, where is the freedom in that??

I would like to know, what is absolute freedom anyway?? Also, why do some people think that their freedom is more important than anyone else’s? Could it be that people claim there ought to absolute freedom when they themselves are censored, because they have something horrible, threatening, bullying and insidious to shout about? Maybe.

This leads me directly to what is censored, and why of course; “the exercise of these rights carries….. special duties and responsibilities………and may…..therefore be subject to certain restrictions……. when necessary……[f]or respect of the rights or reputation of others….or…..[f]or the protection of national security or of public order (order public), or of public health or morals”. Does this clause, that can limit the freedom of anyone’s speech seem reasonable??? For me, no.

Before people accuse me of having petty despot fantasies, hear me out; this is my freedom of speech after all!!

Consider what damage words can do to a person, their life, their reputation, their happiness and security. Many of us may indeed recall a school-yard bully, who didn’t resort to violence to inflict pain and rule with terror, but only words. The sort of words that are better off never being spoken. The type which are threatening, nasty, damaging and damn right insidious.

Extrapolate this example then into the wider-world, and imagine what damage words, uncontrolled and misdirected can do. The answer is, plenty of damage.

Shouldn’t we all then have a responsibility to edit our words? Consider the content, quality, quantity and intent before we fire the loaded weapon, and expect everyone to just sit back and be OK with it all? If we aren’t willing to allow other people’s words to just fly past our ears without response, then why should other people afford us such courtesy?

I think the moral of this tale is; choose your words carefully, and always, always, expect a response!

Jealousy Is The Biggest Compliment

I have been thinking recently about those people, I am sure we are all aquatinted with, who enjoy making little sly remarks, boasting about themselves, feel they have something more to say, enjoy gloating and generally revelling in making those around them feel bad about themselves.

They play a game, a very specific, but a harmful game. A game called jealousy.

Jealousy is destructive, obsessive, consuming and dangerous, but, it is also the biggest compliment anyone can pay you.

For someone to be jealous of you, they must deem you to be a threat, highly important and a person who makes them (the jealous people) feel inferior or appear inferior.

Is this your fault? No, this is their problem and not yours, but they want to aim their problem at you, to make you feel as badly about yourself and your life as they do about themselves and their lives.

If you play their game you will lose. To become embroiled in their inner turmoil you give them what they want, a reaction and ammunition to continue pulling your strings with. This game gives them and their lives some temporary meaning – harsh, but very true.

Many people feel intimidated by those who display jealousy, they often feel they cannot retaliate or they don’t even realise the person who is aggravating, upsetting and being nasty to them, are actually jealous of them.

Yet, 99% of the time, people who suffer bullying, nastiness, bitchiness, lies, back-stabbing and so on, are the victims of jealousy. Jealous causes most of the problems between people, jealousy drives people to do strange things to one another.

I have experienced people trying to hurt me because they have been jealous, and people can and will be jealous of anything! Of course I have also at times played the game of these jealous people, and sorely regretted it. Through this experience I see clearly what the outcome of such things will be, and I avoid those I see that jealousy resides within like the plague! It is difficult though, because sometimes regardless of how impartial, diplomatic, genuine or nice you are, you attract jealousy. Once these jealous people have you in their sights, they point blank refuse to let you go; well, not until they have attempted to wreak as much damage upon you as is possible.

I have experienced their damage too, and believe me, on some occasions the pure maliciousness of the jealousy aimed in my direction caused me great turmoil.

I am however a great believer in karma. What goes around does indeed come around. I have though been lucky enough to see the malignant and jealous individual fall, and was able to inform them I knew their game, jealousy.

Regardless of how much hate they muster, how much spite they spit, how much damage they claim to cause, these jealous people can never escape what they wish they could, themselves. They will always be stuck with them, long after you have been freed from their jealous radar, they will still be the vile creature they always have been. Again, this may seem harsh, but it is very, very true.

I have no qualms in feeling as I do about jealous people. I have no mercy for those who are jealous, because they have no mercy for anyone else. In fact, they take great delight in attempting to destroy people. They therefore deserve nothing more than pity, but not sympathy.

Jealousy I feel is useless though. It destroys, but not only the victim of the jealousy, but the perpetrator too. If only these people could understand that fact, and employ as much effort into changing what they feel bad about, instead of ploughing their energies into jealousy, things would be different.

When all is said and done though, it is only us who tolerate jealousy. In reality, jealousy needn’t have a place in our lives, just don’t tolerate it; call them out, name and shame, publicly humiliate them! Remember too that you are far better than those who seethe with jealousy, and also, karma is always a bitch!

Confident? Who Can Tell?

I don’t want to dig at anyone else. I don’t want to say; ‘hey you are wrong’! Yet, I have to state, just for my won record, that I don’t necessarily agree on any one definition of confidence, or in fact how to spot confidence.

Until I know a person I refrain from making a sweeping judgement on them and their life history. Perhaps, because I spent my life being judged by others!!! I also don’t agree that by being confident it can make you a beautiful person, because confidence alone doesn’t make a person anything.

I also question whether any one person is 100% confident? I doubt they are, and doubt they are confident 100% of the time. Also, how often is confidence mistook for being arrogant, cocky, foolish, dismissive, spiteful, brash and so on and so on?

I too used to think, because I was actually told by people who said they were under confident; the reasons these people always bragged about themselves and their life, bullied others, acted up or had to be the comedian, talked too much and too loudly, was because they felt under confident. Perhaps this is true for some people, but not for everyone.

Now, I have never been 100% confident in me – NEVER! Yet, I am good at masking this, moving on, challenging myself and pushing myself to ensure I don’t hide away. I can appear confident no doubt, but not by bragging, talking too loudly or rambling on and on about me in conversation. Just by how I interact, what I am willing to do, even good eye contact and positive body language.

In fact, I learnt to not brag myself up or what I had or did from a young age. Bragging was believed to be crass, and discussing your personal life and wealth was too. Also hogging the conversation, talking too loudly about nonsense or personal matters, and acting like a complete fool to gain attention – all were deemed crass and a BIG no, no!

I was brought up to be modest, not to ‘blow my own horn’, to listen and then speak, to be mannerly and adhere to social etiquettes. In short, I was taught to not act as though I were too important, not to place myself above other people. Whether I was richer, more intelligent, more talented, artistic, or whatever; I had to just keep quiet about it all, and allow others to impart to me their life stories.

Being forced to be modest all of the time, and this sort of ‘social conditioning’, along with other issues, has actually contributed over the years to my own battle with under confidence. Another reason, one of THE most profound reasons for feeling bad about me in general, stems from being severely bullied from a young age up until I left school. This was actually because of who I was, and what others perceived of me. I know because some of these bullies actually admitted this to me at one point. They bullied me because they saw me as threat. I wouldn’t be like them, I didn’t want to be their friends, I refused to bow to what they wanted or act as though I wasn’t an individual with my own brain.

Yet, some people think that ALL bullies have confidence issues, well, my bullies may have had those issues, yet I do too and have NEVER bullied another.

So is it wrong to display a ‘false confidence’? Is it wrong to brag about you, to talk loudly, to perhaps not listen intently, to be the comedian (or whatever else)? Well consider this, how can anyone get anywhere unless they are willing to at least brag a little about themselves and their qualities? How do we become an employee, a student, a boss, an entrepreneur, how do we get a bank loan or find a partner? We display ourselves in the best possible light, and we talk about what we can offer, and often languish in a little self importance.

People may be or not be confident, BUT people being people WILL display this under confidence in many varying ways. There isn’t one type of anything. Confidence, like the weather, changes depending on what, who, where and how.

In my opinion any-way!!!

Related articles: from lifeonwry.com at WordPress
Can You Spot A Truly Confident Person?

Daily Prompt: Toot Your Horn

“Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself”.

 

This is quite a difficult question to answer, in my opinion.

It is reminiscent of those awful interview questions that are asked of you when you least expect it! Everyone dreads forming a genuine answer, as no-one is really certain that ‘favourite thing’ and themselves should even be coupled in the same sentence.

Yes, we are, or most of us are, excellent at being self-depreciating; but isn’t that how we are brought up to be? Hasn’t that been societies way of making us displeased with ourselves; making us believe we are all mini projects never quite completed to the ‘standard’ required?

I often struggled with finding one thing about me I liked as a child; these feelings of restraint, or not ‘blowing my own horn’ then followed me into adulthood. I never felt quite good enough in any respect. It was difficult for me to show what I could do; whether that was talent, skill or intelligence.

I often allowed others to just take centre stage, because I didn’t think I belonged there. This was because I was so uncertain of myself and afraid, though I often hid that very well to conceal those disconcerting facts. I know in some ways, I still do.

You see, being bullied relentlessly from the moment you begin school, does tend to take its toll upon your self esteem and image. Especially when you are reminded on a daily basis by ‘friends’, ‘classmates’ and teachers alike that you are useless. This heinous reinforcement is then difficult to unpick, even by family.

So, what about at this moment – what is my favourite thing about me? I’m getting to that honestly, just wait a moment!

As a consequence of being bullied and other situations which were also difficult for me to deal with growing up; I actually learned a lot about people, life and myself.

Yes, my confidence and self image took a massive blow to the back of the head, but I have worked to reverse that by learning to fight my own corner. This took time, but I did, and it was the most important thing I found I was able to do to help myself.

How, well by using my words to overcome whatever obstacle confronts me. Words have helped me to not be at the mercy of other people’s nastiness, judgements, ill treatment or whatever else they use in their arsenal to hurt their fellow human beings. I no longer allow ‘would be bullies’ the power to put me down.  This in turn has helped me leave the bullied and powerless child and teen that I was, in the past.

So, my favourite thing about me is my ability to express myself. Without my words I think I would have retreated away from the world, but with them I managed to move forward, find confidence, courage and a place for me regardless of where I am. They allowed me to; challenge myself, to discover, to develop and to achieve, not only just to stand up for myself! Using words to my advantage has had a massive impact on me and my life.

Am I ready to storm that centre stage? Well, I am not adverse to the suggestion any longer, thanks to my words!

Under Paid And Over Worked – UK Teachers Deserve More Money……….?

A happy classroom environment is worth its weight in gold.

Are teachers are bunch of moaning so so’s?

I ask the question; why are they never happy with their salaries of £30,000 a year?

In the UK it seems this money wrangling never ends, and yet why are teachers so dissatisfied?

Teachers often claim their work demands, and pressures should equate to more money in their pockets; compensation for the service they provide, the hard work they do.

Of course they do work hard, and as well as look after the children in their care they educate them too. They deal with mounting Government performance targets, and disinterested and often hostile kids.

So, £30,000 a year is a well deserved salary, or is it???????

I am all for teachers getting £30,000 a year as long as;

They teach every child, and take into account every child’s individual learning needs. Not just focusing on the children who appear brightest or pick up the work the quickest.

As long as teaching is about teaching, and not figures and stats! How can anyone properly teach if they are concerned about exam results instead of quality of the lessons, and the topics being covered?

Especially as so many children leave education without even an English or Maths qualification. Now, that has to be wrong in the 21st century?!

I have no issue with teachers getting good wages, as long as these teachers aren’t making the children’s lives a misery by bullying them in the classroom, and making them feel inferior. Or, trying to strip away their sense of individuality, as is often the case in the educational system.

I also remember it used to be the case that teachers didn’t re-pay their student loans. I was pretty peeved to be left repaying mine when I left Uni, and I begun on less money than my teacher friends did!!

So should teachers get paid more money?

Well to be honest I think £30,000 is a damn good wage as it stands. Why would they want more, when other people in other professions, who have as much hassle, if not more attached to their work than teaching does, get less a year (with no option of demanding higher wages for their hard work).

Oh, and of course most professions have less holidays a year than teachers!

I’ll Be Offended If I Want To Be!!!!!!!

You know what annoys me? Hearing egotistical people complain about people complaining! These people are under the illusion that they can say what THEY WANT to, but they cannot abide it or understand it when other people might take offence to what it is they have to say.

We ALL have the right to be offended. If people have the right to say something, we then have the right to be offended. If people don’t like that, well, then don’t say anything in the first place! Simple, not really rocket science 🙂

Being offended is natural and being able to say so is a right.

So, I AM OFFENDED! I am entitled to be!!!

If you don’t like it, think before you speak!

The Facebook Curse

Recently I created a Facebook page for this blog, but I also have a personal account where I connect with friends and family.

Now, I am a fan of Facebook, well in general anyway. Since being in Madrid it has served as a great tool for me to keep up to date with everyone’s life, and also it serves as a long distance aid to conversations.

However, I have a pet hate regarding Facebook and recently (since being in Madrid) this phenomenon has only increased. I have discussed this before in an older post: I Am King Of My Castle however the topic has raised its ugly head once more.

People that I had known as merely shallow acquaintances, not s firm friends, have decided they will bombard me with ‘friend’ requests. Now these people haven’t left the past behind, they cling to what was and friend everyone who they once knew in a certain capacity I.E, usually via school.

Some of these people are what I would class as pariah’s; if I let them into my life they would only work to destroy it. Harsh you may think; no it is not, it is merely the truth. I know them too well as I have been on the receiving end of their hate and spite in the past, and it wasn’t amusing.

I absolutely despise their presumption, and their over all gall. They believe they know me, yet they never really knew me and they certainly don’t know me now! In fact, most of them would not even share a polite conversation with me at one point, and though they now claim to want to know I am well and doing OK (which they clearly know I am), whenever they have seen me they have pretended not to see me.

In fact most of those claimants to be my ‘friends’ couldn’t bear the fact that I actually did better than them in college and that I actually got to University, while they, the ones deemed to be ‘shit hot’ in school failed miserably in the big bad world.

Now that I am in Madrid and these people see my life is not theirs once more, they suddenly want to clamour to gain my attention and be part of me and my life. Well, the time I needed them has passed, but to be honest that time never existed. They mean as little to me now as they did when I 15. I saw what arse-holes they were then, and they haven’t disappointed that realisation since! Especially as they are still demonstrating that fact with vile emails made to criticise me.

Yes, they have contacted me just to impart their hatred, because I have refused them this online friendship, this online tool to use to spy on my life through. They claim, in unpleasant words that I feel I am too good to exchange pleasantries with them. No, I think they’ll find I don’t suffer fools, nosey gossips, back stabbing, shallow and small minded children who still reside in the mind set of a 15 year old!

These people bring back bad memories for me, and I hold NO love for them whatsoever! They are still what they were, and I say this because from denying them this friendship and telling them why, they have retorted as the embittered and spiteful children they always were.

I am a grown woman and will please myself, and I won’t bow to people like that just to make them happy, and save their petty feelings; when once upon a time they didn’t care a damn about me or my feelings! I basically resent them even thinking they can or should be allowed access to pry into my life, MY LIFE; which has nothing to do with them and they are NO PART OF! What gives them the right to even consider passing comment or judgement on me? What makes them think I’d allow them to carry tales about me to other people, and basically allow them to be part of my life only to try spoil it? Are they are dumb as they look?

Basically some people never learn to leave others alone, never truly grow up and get a life, and certainly they don’t learn from their experiences. I however, don’t want to be dragged into a myriad of bullshit; I just want to get on with my life in peace and quiet; settled in the knowledge I have friends around me and not enemies! Whatever they do they cannot harm me, they only harm themselves as after all their actions prove to me they are consumed in jealousy; and that is the best compliment anyone can offer you!

I Am King or Queen of My Castle and I Refuse to Surrender.

A friend of mine has recently suspended her Facebook account; she has plenty on her plate at the moment, which has of course occurs as part and parcel of her fully developed and healthy adult life. However, one of the reasons she mentioned was how she was fed up with receiving persistent emails, and messages from people she had only known as a teenager.

Now, I have had similar issues with Facebook; as good as it is to locate family and those you value as friends, it allows others to try to invade your space. Some of the people who might try to re-establish contact could be past friends, some could even have be your worst nightmare; the enemy that despised you, and the bully that ridiculed you making your life a misery.

Can you trust these people to re-enter your adult life based on what you knew about them in the past? What are their motives to trying to gain re-entry into your life?

I wonder if everyone is familiar with these types of people; the ones who harp on about the past, those who desperately desire to re-new a friendship that was only founded on a specific place and moment, also those who wish to try and re-establish their sense of greatness (‘look what I have been doing, aren’t you all jealous’), and of course the bullies from the playground?

All these people you may have purposefully lost contact with (years ago), suddenly feel they have a right to wander back into your life, and act as though nothing transpired to make them, a friend from the past or just someone you had to suffer. Maybe you consigned them to the past for a damn good reason!

It seems people are just so eager to parachute back into our lives; to pry, because they are guilty for their past actions, maybe because they have nothing else to focus on or perhaps they want to re-exert their dominance? Have they so little in their own lives that they have to cling to what was? Maybe they haven’t made a new life for themselves? Maybe they are fixating on what was, and are stuck in the same mind set and situations they were when you knew them? Maybe they want to feel a part of something more once again?

If they haven’t moved on and experienced life, if they haven’t changed their ‘spots’, is it because they are too afraid to? How could they have managed to escape immersing themselves in life, maturing and developing into an adult? What I mean is, are they stuck, frozen in one moment forever; unable to escape that child or teenager perspective on the world?

I call this ‘I’m the King/Queen of my castle’ syndrome, it is not uncommon. To explain; people like to feel important and it doesn’t matter whether they are billionaires, popular people in their neighbourhoods or the school favourite. If they have been or are deemed to be ‘top dog’ somewhere, sometime, by someone; this alters their view of themselves. When this self belief (view of themselves) is challenged by those who they bullied or those they classed as friends, because now those people they knew have more or have achieved more than them; these ‘Kings and Queens’ self beliefs are then set at odds. Suddenly their world is no longer rosy.

People don’t like to think they haven’t achieved much by others standards, or that their enemies or playground victims have surpassed them. Yet, who is really judging them, and making them feel inferior; the child grown into an adult that they bullied, their old friend or themselves?

Maybe in the real world, in another setting which is remote from their own, these ‘Kings and Queens’ begin to feel inconsequential? Perhaps they cannot cope with having to re-build their status or gain something new and different, so they have retreated from immersing themselves in new experiences. Maybe something which is outside of their comfort zone is deemed a scary place to be? Is it that they have built a wall of protection around themselves to always feel secure in their choices? If that is their choice, and they are happy, surely it is fine with the world; as long as they then leave everyone else and their choices alone? However, in my experience that doesn’t happen.

If these ‘Kings and Queens’ do feel afraid of the new, of change and development, and they have made their choices to retreat to their castles freely; why then do they feel as though they have lost out, and become jealous of what they perceive to be a better life than theirs? Why is it people cannot just be happy and move on? What to they hope to gain from renewing a long dead connection or forgotten friendship?

I admit that I feel sceptical when presented with these ‘Kings and Queens’. As I have mentioned already I have experienced this, and not just on Facebook either. I have seen some pretty vicious and poisonous things occur through jealousy; from the friend of the past aimed at the person they feel has managed to move on and develop a healthy adult life, from those who were the bully, and also from those trying to re-exert their greatness. It is a frightening thought, as you can never truly know what ‘can of worms’ you will open buying into what is portrayed on the internet; especially with cases of internet bullying on the rise (not just children get bullied), not to forget those who have been stalked or even murdered. Seems dramatic, maybe not, not for those who have suffered as a result of what seemed to be an innocuous internet ‘friendship’.

I will now ask the questions again; can you trust these ‘Kings and Queens’ to re-enter your adult life based on what you knew about them in the past? What are their motives to trying to gain re-entry into your life?

Are they harmless individuals stuck in the past or an enemy, a danger lurking in wait?

Links about Adult and Child Cyber Bullying:

http://www.overcomebullying.org/cyberbullying.html
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/adult-bullies/

BBC One Panorama – http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01c00y3
BBC Schools – http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/parents/cyber_bullying/
Childline – http://www.childline.org.uk/Explore/Bullying/Pages/CyberBullying.aspx

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