Yesterday I was talking to an old friend of mine, who was retelling how bad things have been recently for her. She has been somewhat distraught of late. Her financial situation has altered dramatically, causing her confusion and uncertainty, but the worst blow and most unexpected was the fact that the people she thought were her closet friends, weren’t.
Let me explain; my friend has always had money. She came from money and went on to have a good job, with money, and she had a good life, and a social life that comes with having such money. Now though, things aren’t what they were for my friend. In fact, her financial circumstances have been severely reduced, and now all she can share with her friends is friendship.
Which is fine for me as her oldest friend, always has been. My old friend may have been wealthy, but that was not something I considered a relevant factor in our friendship. I always saw her as a kind, considerate and loving individual, who would help anyone and never think of being repaid for it. She is and always was a true friend.
But, with her cash flow now disappeared, these ‘true friends’ have also. The ‘true friends’ who shared in her wealthy lifestyle, the ‘true friends’ who my oldest friend never before had to doubt or question, not until now. Now she can only give of herself and not of her wallet, these ‘true friends’ have gone. Her friendship was not what they wanted.
So, the money has gone, and with it, for my friend, it seems that the love of friendship has gone also.
I therefore am left asking; is love, genuine love, so undervalued between people? Is all that glitters gold?
I am left wondering; is money the only thing worth sharing with others?
Money is the most materialistic base we can measure one another upon, I mean there are many others aren’t there, but money is for most people THE most important factor to measure people upon. Especially when it comes to relationships.
What do we value most in our relationships – is it what we do for others or what they do for us? How do we set up the parameters within our relationships – is it selfish or selfless? How do we decide what we will accept, demand, want, desire and need between ourselves – our expectations and no one else’s?
We all know the story, glamorous and beautiful young women dating a shrivelled up old man. The woman does this for LOVE?? Or does she do it because she likes the old man’s personality?? No, its for her DESIRE of that man. Or, is it merely for materialistic reasons, because that old man has MONEY?!
We sell ourself for cash everyday in every way, so why would selling love or friendship or interest or whatever else be any different, it isn’t. So, it isn’t a surprise to know there are people in the world who view money or materialism as the most important factor in their life. Although it is quite sad.
Whether we are men & women, children & parents, families & friends, money or materialism makes our worlds rotate, balance evenly and keep afloat.
More specifically, relationships are bonds set up with or based upon what we can give to one another; incentives to make people love us, to please and appease.
Parents want their children to get good grades, succeed at football or play the flute, get good jobs and marry well. They are then proud to love their kids.
Children want a new bike, computer, iPhone, that holiday in Florida, their friends over for tea, the latest designer shoes. Then they tell you they love you.
Partners want a bigger car, a house on a new estate, a holiday in the sun, they need promotions and relocations to here there and everywhere. Then they profess to love one another.
Friends want to go out, prosper, buy things they don’t need, drink, socialise have fun, forget themselves in some exotic far flung location and be young and fabulous on a beach with people they will never see again. Then they say they are friends.
Relationships are materialistic in one way or another.
So I suppose my main point, the point I have diverged a little from, is just this; can there be such a thing as unconditional love in these times of the mass materialism of relationships?
Is love, the real, undying, profound and all consuming variety a lie told to us as children, fresh from some fairy-tale or another?
I hope not, well, in fact I know it is not. I know love, and feel sorry for those who actually prefer materialism in its stead.
Because, when the money or the materialism of relationships has gone, what else is left?? Maybe it is that dying concept formerly known as love!!! Yes, it is and who knew!!!! Without love the world is an empty place to be.
But, after all I have written here I won’t despair because of the lack of love in the world, and between people, well, not quite yet. I will keep hoping we don’t all become so mercenary that we choose to seek materialism over love. I will keep hoping we don’t become so blind and heartless that we close ourselves to the prospect of real love in all its forms. I will keep hoping we never forget that love is rarer and more precious than any booming bank account, any far flung holiday, any round of drinks in a posh hotel, any new car, any good grades, any fantastic job and wardrobe of designer clothes.
Sadly, people seem to be inherently selfish. One of the things I write about on my site (thezombieshuffle.com) is that in relationships we are constantly needing to balance the “we” and the “me”. And relationships break down when one person starts focusing too much on “me” instead of “we”.
In any relationships there has to be mutual respect, compromise and give and take. Any time someones focus is more on what they are getting out of a relationship and not what they are able to put back in, I question whether there is truly love.
Thanks for dropping by my blog, and leaving me a comment. I appreciate my readers interacting and getting involved!!
Yes, I agree with the points you have raised; I have written about these very themes previously also. I definitely question people’s claims to love one another; especially when it is skewed with tick boxes, a check lists or a shopping lists of wants from another person. People are often very mercenary!
Thanks again, Bex
That is so sad about your friend. I really feel for her. What difference should it make if she ran out of money or not…what about all the sharing? The laughter? The Tears? Was it all for nought? I can’t get my head around this one.
I can see how coming into money can change people. I can’t say, I wouldn’t change myself… I honestly don’t know. I’ve had money. Had a great job in the states, and that didn’t change me. I kept the same friends. However coming from money, like your friend. Is it because her friends still have money and feel that their relationship is no longer tenable, maybe?
Damn, this is a hard one.
Yes, it is a hard one, and really horrible for my friend. I know she will be better off without such shallow ‘friends’, but it has caused plenty of upset.
It is partly her richer friends feeling they don’t wish to associate with someone who now has less money than before. Also, friends who I always thought just used her, i.e., they would be happy to allow her to buy drinks and so on, always telling her a sob story so she would say she’d pay. It was pathetic.
Its proof for me that people can be inclined to become users, abusing others, especially when money is involved. It’s a case of their desires to better their own life and not give a damn about anyone else!!
Sounds like they just abused her kind and generous nature. Played her like a fool. (starting to feel pissed off and I don’t even know the girl) I hate seeing people treated like dirt. Well I hope thing turn around for her and hopefully she will be more careful in her choice of friends. At least she has you. It’s interesting that you could see through them, but then again, you’re very intelligent. 🙂
Yes, they did really. Yeah, that reaction is understandable, even though you don’t know her! I was fuming. Its exactly as though they were treating her like dirt, and had taken her for a fool.
I think it can be harder to see certain situations, when you are stuck within them, like she was. As an outsider, I could see it. Thanks Kev, but I just get a feeling for what people are like very quickly! I just knew what they were up to. It wasn’t only me either; a small group of us have been close since we were younger, so the money was never a big thing for us, as we were always friends first. It was when she moved away, she met others who only saw the money, we knew, but we weren’t there all the time, so she had only the fake friends to be with.
I think although it has been a nasty few weeks, she will be OK, I know she is a strong young woman!
Thanks again Kev 🙂
I’m so glad you mentioned about her being strong. That’s good. Really good. It takes strength to pick oneself up again. I am pleased.
Yes, she is; a little shook up, but she is string and will recover. Thanks again for commenting Kev, appreciate it 🙂
The most people who are my friends now, I met when I was dead poor. Aside from my family, there is nobody left from a time when Money was no issue. Well there is one, but like me, he is nutty like a fruit cake, and unlike me, utterly unreliable.
Losing everything material will show who your true friends are, and making friends with nothing but the shirt on your back means those people have character, and they see the same in you.
I’m still not particularly rich. I can’t afford a car, but I can pay my bills and have some fun, save a little for later. But that’s all I need now. And I am all my girl needs now.
My friend is realising this now, which is a shame, as she is a good sort of person and really quite genuine, but the friends weren’t!
Yes, I agree with you. For my friend, this is what she needs now; friends who will be there for her and not the money. She has a few old friends, including me, but she needs to ‘get back on the horse’ and try to meet more people (decent people). I worry she will isolate herself by thinking that everyone is a bad person, just because of the experience she has had with her old friends (scrounging gold diggers).
Yep, but my friend isn’t quite bankrupt, financially she is just no-where near the position she was, but she can keep going. No doubt now the dead weight of false friends and so on have gone, she may in fact prosper far more! I am hoping, she will find somebody special, who will see her for her. She deserves that, but we all deserve that!
Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it as always!!!!
I don’t usually use motivational one-liners, but this one I think is good
Crisis is another word for opportunity
Yes, a beginning is an end after all! Being serious that motivational quote can be true NicoLite, to some extent. Hopefully my friend will see that too, or at least keep in mind the good things that she still has. Thanks again for commenting 🙂
Or, an end is a beginning – goodness, I’m all muddled up!!
Hello The Savvy Señorita, thank you for following my blog and I look forward to following yours – I appreciate its tenor. Best regards, Phil Stanfield
It is truly my pleasure. Thank you for the follow and dropping by my blog; I appreciate it! I look forward to reading your blog, as I hope you will mine. All the best, Bex
Hello Bex, you impress me as a highly sensitive and highly ethical person, so I’m sure I will! Regards, Phil Stanfield
Hello Phil, that is very kind of you, thanks for that! OK, that’s great then, I am glad! Regards to you also, Bex
Thanks for visiting our site. My father once said that a true friend would sacrifice his or her life for you. That’s a demanding definition, for sure, but his idea was that friendship was based on selfless love, not selfish greed. How many true friends (as opposed to Facebook “friends”) do we really have? Perhaps we’re lucky to have a handful of people in our lives who love us for who we are.
I learned in Catholic CCD that love is giving without expecting anything in return. Yet so many “friends” are grasping rather than giving. Being a friend is also about being willing to give.
Perhaps another way to know you have a true friend is when he or she gives to you when they are not rich. And not just in monetary terms. Friendship is about generosity, which can be measured in generosity of spirit, generosity in time and understanding, not just in gifts that you can put a price tag on.
Best wishes to you.
My pleasure, and thank you for paying me a visit also; sincerely appreciated.
Thank you too for the considered comment, and may I add I agree with your points completely.
Friendship is a priceless item, and people seem to forget this, because their definition of themselves and their lives seems to be based upon the glib and vacuous. I think real friends are the true gems, and as you have stated, they are rare.
All the best to you too, Bex
That is such a common issue in today’s society. I have a friend that falls under the very same category – at least that which relies on their money to be impressive. We used to be rather close, until the last year or so. Now I see the facade and the mask. Underneath is an empty shell full of a void heart. I merely ask for sincerity, not an impressive bank account.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
Oh I agree!!! Sincerity is certainly the key here, and it is something that simply cannot be bought.
Lost a big job, car, country club, company jet, and wife. Funny how those things go together. Nice post. I am not surprised you have a friend who is a friend first.
Thanks for sharing your experience John, I appreciate your candour. The toughest part is losing a person because of a financial situation; seems they do tend to go together, unfortunately. Thanks, and glad you enjoyed reading, means a lot.
Felt good to write my comment too. Thanks
Thanks John, appreciate it as always
I agree with you. My thoughts today. It’s so pathetic that people love for a reason ;material reason not for love sake.
Thanks for taking time to read my post and for leaving me a comment, I appreciate it.
Yep, it seems that way – which for me is such a waste of life and love!
Thanks again, Bex
This is why dogs are far better than people.
Haha, yes indeed John. Couldn’t agree more 🙂
That is so sad. People can be so superficial. I suppose the “If you weren’t here for the climb” thing can go both ways. Still, good for you for being a good human and looking beyond someone’s financial status and being a true friend.
Yep, superficial, that is the word! For me, this superficiality is the tragedy of their life. Yeah, well money has never automatically endeared me to anyone; poor or rich I don’t care so long as you are a good person! I always stick by my friends though! Thanks for commenting!
My former spouse ripped me off during and after the marriage (opening secret bank accounts and hiding cash from our joint account) to the tune of $244,000!
Thanks for sharing this bit of experience, I appreciate your candour. Wow, how awfully shocking! That was super sneaky of her, and so nasty. I mane how clandestine. So, in her case it is safe to say, money was number one priority.