This little thought occurred me to last night, when, as usual I couldn’t sleep!!! Strange how the strange finds me in the very small hours, and just won’t let go of my mind………ummmm.
Anyway, I reflected back upon studying Psychology at college. I recalled reading certain research, which had been conducted into the psychological benefits of relationships. The results of the research discovered that women DO NOT benefit psychologically from being in marriages or long term relationships. Men however, do benefit, and quite significantly.
I found this to be a ‘revelation’ at the time. I remember thinking of everyone I knew who was married, and actually found immediate logic in the findings of this research. Women, or the women I knew – who were Mothers of my friends and relations I had, well, they weren’t too pleased being married. It had been a pretty tough time for them throughout the years; so, discovering women don’t necessarily get much out of a relationship, well, it made sense to me.
So, to condense these research findings, it seems that men tend to suck the life out of women. They use them as tools to enrich their own life and well being, but while the women sacrifice, the men just use the free support base to flourish. Men, men alone are more prone to psychological disorders – depression, isolation, paranoia, unsociability, instability and even suicide. Women alone, are not prone to such things – they seem to, according to the research, soar like a bird, and a free bird at that.
Men alone can’t cope, women alone cope very well – better than if they are in relationships with the burden of a man in tow. Facetious, feminist, wrong – maybe, but then, let us ask women to be truthful enough to admit that the men in their lives can be cumbersome, and often draining, and enough to often devour the very patience of a Saint.
What do you think; I am asking the women here?????? Is this research true?????
Well, consider this; men don’t often just leave a relationship to be on their own. From what I have seen, they tend to stack up their next ‘victim’ or victims, before they jump ship. What does that say – men don’t like being alone or maybe they are serial monogamists?? Hey wait a minute here – men and faithful – don’t men cheat more often than women in relationships; OR, are men merely caught out cheating more often than woman are?
Either way if men do prefer to peruse their options, why do they need to be in a relationship to be psychologically stable?? Men, what do you think about these psychological research findings – true or hogwash?????? Do you need a relationship????
If this is true and men do get more out of relationships, why then are they so called biologically hard wired to stray like a cat?? Shouldn’t it be women on the prowl, not men, as women don’t need one man, they don’t need a relationship as they get nothing out of it. Women don’t get the same psychological stability, and nutrition as men do from relationships. Women get the depression and suicidal thoughts instead.
Why then would women enter into a relationship if they don’t want to commit suicide any time soon???? Well, WHY?????
What are the answers???? Maybe there are none!
OK, by the way YES I am in a relationship; oh wait, did you ask how my psychological state is??? Well, what do you think???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Savvy Senorita 
If I had a nickel for every time I looked at a woman and wondered, “why is she going out with that obvious mean and inconsiderate jerk?” I would be a very rich man. Can any woman out there explain to me why so many women suffer the company of these terrible spouses/boyfriends/companions?
Well, I think it can be put down to lack of self esteem, confidence, understanding of self and needs. Lacking the knowledge of what a good person and relationship is can also hinder. Feeling they can achieve no better, deserve no better and are lost. I also think many women feel inferior; so much in our everyday life tells us – as women, we aren’t good enough (in every way). People settle for things too, even the bad as they feel it is safe, comfortable and there is nothing more.
Welcome to RCC. look forward to more of your posts
There certainly is merit to the psychological study you remember, and well, yes, women suffer more in a relationship while men flourish because no matter what we want to believe, our Society is still dominated by men and male principles. If a woman wants to flourish the way a man does, she has to assert herself in a male world, virtually becoming a man. Consider this: A married man gets a badge of honor from his peers for seducing another woman, while a married woman is ostracized for seeking another man’s attention. The girl who is seduced by the married man is nonetheless called a homewrecker, while the man who got the married woman’s attention has achieved a special conquest. That is a terrible imbalance in social perception. Of course, we are advanced enough to recognize this imbalance, because, well, thanks to the women who wouldn’t shut up about it for about the past century, we men have had to start listening. The main biological difference that is historically and traditionally responsible for this imbalance is that men have a larger potential to inflict pain than women, because testosterone increases muscle build and aggressive tendencies. Luckily, this increased ability (by the individual) to inflict pain is becoming less a factor of power in our society. I digress.
What I am trying to say, I guess, is that things have gotten better, but there is still work to be done. Stagnation is Regression, as educational and economic authorities make us believe
Yes the old beliefs of women are still around!!!!! Women are still often a passenger in the world – as men and the way of the male in society is often still favoured. Women are still seen as inferior, less powerful and intelligent – all the stereotypes still apply – nurturing, kind and motherly. So, often is the case that in a relationship a woman would be seen as taking on certain roles, as a man might too. Is this right – no, not really. I see people, all people as individuals, and the only way I want to function is how I see fit – not how anyone tells me. I think people should try to maintain a sense of fairness; everyone has responsibility in a relationship, not just the woman. No one should become the others ‘dog’s body’!! Education has to be the key, and from a young age – as people seem to not fully understand what a relationship is – they think it just means free and easy sex!!!
Cant get the jist of this one at the moment, so will have a coffee (or 2!) then maybe my brain will work. I think I understand it, but got a sponge brain today!
Ok coffee is slurping – I dont think its the ‘partner’ who is draining, it think its the life you live.
Once we move away from the nest, our energies have to be channelled into looking after ourselves instead of looking after our body aesthetics, We have our partner do we need to continue a hunt?
We dont get pocket money for cleaning our own bedrooms any more, we dont look after ourselves no one else will. So already a pattern sets in. Unless our partners faithfully share the chores of housekeeping and bill paying, we may start to feel resentment, and blame them for the mess we live in.
I have friends who feel unimportant because all they do is ‘clean home cook food’, then there are others who work full time and would dearly love to have the time to just that, the 1950’s housewife.
In order to sustain our energy levels we have to work together, we have to rest effectively and we have to live by the rule ‘2 sides to the Story’. Communication and Understanding is the key to a happy ‘couples life’.
Here here – agreed – give and take and share and communicate!! I wonder then if maybe it is the case of perhaps people have the tendency to see ‘the grass is greener’ elsewhere?? Their life sucks, they blame their partner and then look elsewhere or to move on – instead of fixing the issues within and around them?
The grass is never greener – its just the ways the sun shines and the wind blows! 😉
i wrote a blog about this subject will have to find it and reblog, took me ages 🙂
Haha, yes me too – the title actually was ‘Is The Grass Ever Greener’!!!!!!!!!! Seems the topic rears its head more often than I realised!!!!!!!
You’d be surprised how many people debate on this subject.
If some people actually read their own advice I wonder if they would take it?
I have a friend who blogs blogs blogs, (and FBs) always taking the moral high road, but his relationship with his boyfriend is like something out of a soap opera!
Love him, but he really needs to read and practice what he preaches, Im only saying this because I know he WILL read my responses to anyone elses blogs 😉
Yes that is true 🙂 I admit, hold my hands up an dsay that I know I can be terrible sometimes for ‘preaching’, but not practising what I preach! I often chide myself for being that way, but it is easier to see situations, cause and consequences in other peoples lives – and offer a remedy! Wood and trees and all that!
I think you are absolutely right in stating that men are way more dependent and largely incapable of living alone compared to women.
The co-habitation and the relationship is a major factor in these findings so I think a great control will be look at homosexual relationships and see how they are coping; whether it’s two men or two women.
Another point I was thinking of too, yes, this would be interesting to compare.
All I want to say is that behind every successful man there is usually a very tired woman.
Yes, this was what I had in mind really Malcolm!
I think that usually there is give and take in a relationship, the longer the relationship, the more one gives and the other takes.. I am not convinced this is gender dependant either.. : D
There definitely should be anyway!!! There are times when this slips though, and advantage is taken!!!
Only on days with a letter ‘Y’ in them 😀
Hehe!!!!!!
While some men do suck women dry (and I had a relationship like that), thankfully all men aren’t like this. I have wonderful male friends who are very supportive of their wives and me.
Yes, I don’t think all men suck their victims, errr, I mean partners dry! I know many good men too – and actually, some men are better people to be around than their female counterparts.
Who are better cooks? 🙂
Women live longer whether single or married. Married men live longer than single men. I conclude that women eat better and are healthier but men are in need of relationships to eat healthier! It’s all about food! 🙂
Yes, maybe this is the truth of it! Good food equals healthy relationship and healthy self. They say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!!!!! 😀
In my marriage we tend to balance each other out. So, we have both benefited from each other. I am her sounding board, her rock when she needs someone to turn to. She tells me I’m truly the only one she can turn to to talk about anything. I keep her from calm and help her see the other person’s point of view, and she helps me be a little more assertive and organized. We both mutually love each other and lean on each other in the good and bad.
Hi, thank you for your input on this – appreciate the fact you have provided your own experience on relationships (marriage) too.
I agree with you on this – it swings in balances (for me anyway). I feel happy and all is good, other times, not so much – but that is the give and take in relationships, the ups and downs that keep it moving on.
Thanks again, Bex 🙂
Oh, dear. Well, as a woman who has been in relationships for most of her life, and whose marriage is coming up on 25 years, I can’t say that the men in my life have benefitted more than I have from our relationships. They were all great in their own way, and I think we all learned from each other even if we weren’t meant to stay together. Hubby and I have most certainly benefitted from our quarter century together – we are both healthier happier people for all the time we have spent together and that will hopefully last much longer.
I think sometimes the onus of house and family work falls to women, now as ever, and that can be frustrating – especially when there are small children involved. But perhaps the health benefits that men have from being in relationships, and the lack of a difference for women, just shows that women are simply more attuned to caring for themselves, in or out of a relationship – and some men do better if they have a partner helping them.
I hope you have some place to work on these intense feelings you’re having – if you are serious about the suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone IRL and let them know what is going on with you! Been there, it does get better, but we all need help sometimes. 😉
Hi, thank you for your input on this – I appreciate your thoughts, and am grateful to you for imparting your experience on this this.
Can I just clear up any misunderstanding – I am not suicidal. Goodness, I didn’t mean for this post to come across that I was!! Oh dear. I was merely referring to women, who maybe, because of ‘bad’ relationships.
I think there is good and bad in relationships though, just as there is in women and men.
Thanks again, Bex 🙂