I hate it when I’m in the moment, and giving it all full throttle about how I feel, think, fear or whatever else – assuming, wrongly, that I am engaged in a conversation with the person opposite from me; when suddenly they decide to cut me dead, and leave me hanging!!!
They are quite content to dismiss my words with a pointless, and patronising interjection – what the Hell!!! Its like having something thrown at your head that was completely unexpected, a fly in your very nice soup, tripping over as you enter a store full of people – it is a horrible feeling!
These annoying people ALWAYS ASSUME they know exactly what I mean, think, feel or want and blatantly, THEY DON’T!!! How can they if they don’t listen!! What happened exactly?? Did this person possess me while I was sleeping, taking over my inner workings without me becoming aware? Yeah right!
In other words, let me perhaps misinterpret what they feel, think, mean and want for a change, so they know how annoying it is; they basically know better than me, therefore they don’t need to listen to me as what I have to say is as pointless as pickles on toast!
By being flippant about what I am trying to convey, regardless of the subject matter under discussion, patronising interjections make my words less significant. My words, feelings, thoughts, ideas, wants, opinions et al are belittled and yes, dismissed. These ‘Boss Hogs’ have seized the power in the ‘conversation’ – yet, what can anyone gain from a one sided conversation? They mustn’t get far in life must they.
Regardless of my emphatic protests against their continued assumptions, they continue to raise their barriers with the ‘I don’t care’ attitude, ‘I am always right and know everything’.
I just want to scream; ‘who made you the puppet master’? ‘Who the Hell are you to be nominated as judge and jury’? ‘Listen and perhaps you’ll then know’! ‘Quit jumping the gun and assuming things, as that really makes YOU appear to be a bombastic, self obsessed ASS’!
Don’t take me and my feelings, needs, words and wants for granted please!!!!!!! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT – so quit telling me YOU do!!!
You are awesome. So awesome that I nominated you for the Shine On award: http://lmarie7b.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/shine-on/
I find that when people do this to me, I am boring them. I then recount the conversation in my head and realize yup what I was saying was pretty boring.
I do have a problem though when I have an idea in my head I tend to blurt it out, usually if I don’t I forget and it is related to what the person is saying. 😦
To me the worst is having a conversation with someone and they always turn everything about them and the most recent thing that happened to them. There is a girl I work with, who is nice and I like her, but she is the worst at it. We’ll have a conversation, starts out asking how I am, then go into whatever crazy thing that has happened to her that day and spend the next 15 minutes talking about it. You mention something else, bam the conversation is back to her within minutes.
Oh well. Communication can be hard. I think everyone needs to take listening classes in school. Where they teach you to listen.
Anyway, thanks for the thought provoking post as always Bex! 🙂
Awww thank you greenembers; good to know you feel the article is thought provoking. Thank you for your response on this topic, I appreciate it 😀
I get what you mean about these conversation switchers – goodness, they are annoying!!!! How do they do it? It is a mystery, but a it is a skill!!!!
What happened to the good old days of pouring the soup, fly and all, over his head? 🙂
Last time I was in such a situation, I excused myself that I had to go to the bathroom, snuck out quietly and went home 🙂
Haha!!! I have never done that – but have thrown some crockery about in a temper before now. It solved nothing, I still had to clean it up after my rant! I then decided to buy plastic cups, they bounce so well off the floor and never break!!!!!! Excellent for such occasions!!!! 😀
I think some people act this way because 1) They get tired and bored of the conversation. 2) They were JUST trying to get you riled up because they ENJOY seeing you get worked up 3) They like to play their ‘Higher & Mighter Than Thou’ card and those people get on my nerves too.
They are typically the people that DO assume they know what you are talking about and more often than not give you cop-out answers/excuses OR – as you put it – act like they have all the answers are can psychically somehow read your mind.
Best thing to do in those cases, take a deep breath, don’t let them have anymore of a reaction from you than necessary – drop the conversation too if you can and walk away. You don’t need to waste your time and energy on people like that. Gods know I try NOT too.
Yes, I think this strategy is the best solution. Walking away and just showing annoyance – as explaining it only makes me more angry. I then feel I lose any power or credibility. It is basically what they want, me to become angry and abandon my train of thought, and what I want to achieve from the conversation. I hate mind games of any kind – I might be boring but I just like the cards on the table!!!!!
That’s understandable. That’s how I like it too. I’ve had to do the “annoyed” walk-away as well myself. lol
Try this, just say, “No, you are wrong” then turn your back on them and talk to someone else. I can almost guarentee a reaction 😀
Thanks for the advice, I shall try it out 😀
I have tried it and it does work 😀
I have to agree with you on this one. It’s one of my pet peeves too. The problem is that I’m often guilty of it myself, particularly with family members or people I know really well. In this case it’s not deliberate rudeness but my assumption that I know what they are going to say or what they mean, before they have actually said it. What I’m really trying to communicate by this behavior is that we are so close there is no need to be longwinded, i.e. I get it. Of course, there is no getting around the fact that cutting someone off is rude and disrespectful, however benign the intention. In others it doesn’t have to be someone completely cutting me dead, it could be more subtle body language, a turning away to look elsewhere while talking to me, showing that their thoughts are not on what I’m saying. I really dislike that and try not to do it myself.
This does often happen between family and close friends, not because they or we are being obnoxious and annoying, but exactly as you have stated Malcolm – we have that familiarity. I agree – and accept it too. Yet, on the other hand I hate this behaviour most from family and close friends!!!! It infuriates me. Some family members inherently possess this ‘not interested’ attitude, regardless, and that for me is a bigger kick in the teeth than anything. I agree with the subtle cutting people dead too – the eyes wandering, texting whilst talking, body language and so on – rude and disrespectful!!!!!
Not sure what to comment on this, I have a family member who likes to, will use the word ‘ponificate’, and believes she and only she may be heard. gentle critiscism is met with verbal diarhorrea sometimes just as unpleasant as the physical one!
I get on with her as I just sit and nod and pretend to agree, i like a quiet life! But sometimes she can go to far.
Putting your point across can be seen as domineering to some people, and challenging to others (in a debateable manner) Maybe you need to work out the best debating partner and avoid those who take things to heart?
Family are the worst offenders for this. Agreeing to keep the peace and living on egg shells is not nice.I think what makes it worse are the family members who believe they know what you mean, think or feel, and they don’t. They assume too much, take liberties with their assumptions and won’t be told they are wrong. These people always think they know best about everything. I would usually be careful to pick my fights over such things, but sometimes I can’t avoid them as they are too close to home!!!!
I have two problems, have a sibling whom I don’t get on with too well (adore them but we are just too similar and can grate each other!) , but I love their partner and we get on really well, this causes problems in itself as my sibling sides with partners family – then i get drawn into protecting my in-law! on the other side of the coin, my other sibling (twin) literally is my other half its almost telepathic – yet I really don’t like their partner – who although is gracious and loving to my twin – is rather nasty to others and very very self opinionated. This is why i try my very best to sit on the fence and vent my frustrations through my blogs! – and when I get the hang of WordPress will be venting even more I think lol!
The complexity of family and loved ones – goodness. I think to be honest picking your fights is important in this case. No point getting embroiled unless it all encroaches directly on you or your beliefs, or of course, begins to effect family members you love and wish to protect. I agree, vent elsewhere!!!!!!! I look forward to your vents!!!!
I hear you! I hate to be patronized or ignored in a conversation, as if my opinion isn’t valid. But I have to wonder what conversation sparked this reaction from you. Or can you say?
Thanks, it is great to know I have company on this one!!!! No, I can’t spill the beans; need to keep some privacy of who, when and what!
i understand how you feel. the conclusion is spot on and i wish i can scream the same right this moment.
Ahhh, another person feeling the angst. Yes, sometimes screaming aloud, rather than in silence, can be great therapy!! I wish you well, with your moment of ARGHHHHHH!!! 😀
thank you, i agree. however i’m afraid i can’t do much screaming now as i’m recovering from illness but i’ll take a raincheck i guess.
Oh dear, wishing you a speedy recovery!!! Big cyber hugs for you 🙂
Yes indeed, store up that arghhhh energy, and then, use the force well!!!