Home » Writing & Publishing » The Lonely Hearts NOT looking for love

The Lonely Hearts NOT looking for love


Now, before I even begin writing or more precisely typing this post, I am FULLY aware that there are going to be people who will COMPLETELY disagree with me on this.

They may even accuse me of being unfair, unfeeling or whatever else springs to mind. Yet, this is MY opinion on MY blog; so I am going to discuss this matter ANYWAY as I feel it needs to be!!!

I realise that WordPress is a great platform to meet people, albeit virtually; to discuss, connect and even form friendships. I can see that the very nature of blogging is about being sociable and affable, and indeed inviting others to take a step inside your life and follow you on a journey.

However, I for one draw the line, and it is a deep and long line, in the sand when it comes to ‘looking for love’.

I know there are some people out there in the virtual world who choose to do this very thing via WordPress, which again is THEIR choice. Yet, I would take serious issue if that was brought to the door of my life (my life here on WordPress).

You see enquiring about relationship statuses, love preferences or trying to ‘score’ a date is not something I would willing choose to have to deal with on a serious blog (I hope), about serious topics (I hope).

Any ‘love’ enquiry, for me, would completely dismiss me and my skills as a writer. I would find such things highly stereotypical; I am a woman therefore a love interest and nothing more. I am a woman therefore I must be fair game.

I for one am not on WordPress to find love. If there are people out there who are – good for them! I personally don’t see WordPress as a lonely hearts column, for me it is about my writing and making connections with people who take my writing seriously. That is just my opinion on it all folks!

You see, I DON’T tend to invite people into my inner most life, the life I really exist within outside of my blogging world. Reason, well I have stated this before in other posts; it is because that part of me and my life is sacred, that is a portion of me for me and for those I know.

This is not to say I don’t appreciate online friendships – I have many of these and cherish and value them. In fact, if I chose to meet these people in the real world I’m sure we’d be firm friends!

I just want to reiterate though that until you meet a person in the flesh, you NEVER know them, you CANNOT know them via online words. In fact, to go one step further; you NEVER know anyone 100% (I’ve stated this in other posts too)! Words without actions, body language, past experiences of that person and eye contact – can be easily manipulated to make you ‘see’ and believe what you want to.

Not that I am stating I or anyone else on WordPress is a confidence trickster or malignant personality. It is just a fact of life that meeting people is the key to, well, truly meeting people! We all know that!

We are, whether we want to admit it or not, all wearing a mask; a mask of online anonymity. We are all existing in our own online worlds, our own little portion of online reality; and this is what makes the internet good and bad.

I don’t want to sacrifice this online anonymity to anyone I don’t want to. I don’t want to let all and sundry into my personal sphere.

If that is a bone of contention for anyone, well, that isn’t my problem. Accept me as I accept you; well, the virtual version of you in any case!!!!!

Opinions please;

What is YOUR take on looking for love via the internet (WordPress) – good or bad thing??

What do YOU feel and think about letting people into YOUR world???

DO YOU ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH OF YOURSELF TO EVERYONE ONLINE????  

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “The Lonely Hearts NOT looking for love

  1. quick reply, i met my better half online (not here on wp) and we’re together for almost 5 years now. i guess i’m one of the lucky ones. i see no problem with meeting and dating people you encounter through web but of course caution is always advisable. oh btw, hi and great blog, thanks for visiting mine 🙂

    • Hey Isabella,

      I thank you for the thanks 🙂 I enjoyed reading your blog. Oh, I appreciate your praise of my blog also (many thanks, again)!!!!

      Yes, I think there are plenty who meet people online – and love can occur. I suppose it depends on the situation and everything else in-between!

      May I enquire – did you consider ever using WP to locate love?? Or was your love online found accidentally???

      Caution online is definitely advisable, as you have stated!!

      Thanks for your candid comments! Hope to see you back real soon!

      Bex 🙂

  2. Hey Bex,
    I disagree with you here, for a couple of reason really. One, I think there is nothing wrong in using every available platform to find love if that is what you desire. Two, The problem with dating site computers and questionnaires is that a lot of questions have a Yes/No answer, and we do not live in a black/white world. A blogger expressing their opinions over a long time gives you an idea as to their thoughts. Based on this, one can find a partner more suited to ones own thoughts.

    I, certainly am not saying that you should read a blog of the opposite sex only and find compatibility but if you come across it, then all the better.

    • Hey,
      No problem about that, good to have differing opinions; adds to the discussion!!

      I wouldn’t look for love in this way; via WordPress. I understand that people do though, and a blog can perhaps give an insight into another person’s mind or opinions. Well, as long as they are being truthful about themselves!

      However for me WP is about writing not scouting for love.

      My main issue with this looking for love is the intrusion such enquiries or online advances can make. I was also questioning the people who are looking for more than platonic connections; that might bring their desires, which are unwanted, into your ‘non looking for love’ territory.

      This could be quite disconcerting, when you didn’t expect it from them, and didn’t want it or reciprocate it.

      If their preference is to find love, then I am sure they will find those who share their desire to do so. What I was trying to get across, and perhaps didn’t fully, was that these people shouldn’t hassle those who clearly aren’t interested in love connections. As this does happen.

      I know many people flirt harmlessly online, fine, that is to be expected – reciprocate or don’t. Yet, full on hassling ‘I’m in love with you’ type of dialogue, and pushing that topic is not a good move – especially on WP!

      Does that make sense???

      Bex 🙂

      • That definitely makes sense. Unfortunately, the culture we live in and type of animals that we are, there are always going to be people making unnecessarily harsh advances and looking for something more than friendship. One of those, facts of life I guess but it shouldn’t be encouraged.

        • I am glad it made sense.

          Yes, it is a fact of life, an unfortunate one too. As you stated though, it certainly shouldn’t be encouraged.

  3. I do believe it’s possible to FIND love starting with the internet, just as it is possible to make friends here. But, I wouldn’t advocate using WordPress (or another blogging platform) as a ‘database for dating’. That does sound strange, even after my year-long experiences of internet dating.

    WordPress could be like a definition for the expression ‘love will find you’, I think…

    However much you talk to someone online though, I do agree; you can only know so much and there has to be a real-life social connection away from the computer screen, for love to blossom. For one example; I’m more confident online than I am in person, within myself. That’s not to say that I can’t be ‘right’ for someone; it’s something I would need to work on by myself, first. There’s no clear way for the other person to identify that before meeting.

    I’m happy to admit that I occasionally get excited when I come across the blog of a female living in the UK… My mind begins to fill with hope of what could one day be… I think (and hope) those kind of feelings and responses are in some way natural. The difference is though, that I don’t pursue them. I am in control and also aware of where I am.

    • I certainly wouldn’t advocate WordPress either; there are so many dating options out there on the net, it would seem a little empty to me using WP as a vehicle for love. Somehow it would seem as though the person was conning me; ulterior motives behind making a connection, under the guise of just merely wanting to blog. Do you understand what I mean?????

      Yes, it is a case of a difference online than in the flesh. It is complex, but not having the pressures related to physical meetings, might allow people to be more free in their communication or personality. I think that there is nothing wrong with that, but some people just use that to their advantage to again ‘con’ people. It is the case of how truthful people are willing to be with their online communication, if love is the goal.

      Yes, it could be seen as normal to have those responses. As you say, you are in control though, and don’t necessarily allow yourself to become swept away in pursuit of it all!!!!!!

  4. I have never truly nor deliberately looked for love on the internet. However, it has found me a time or two, especially with my latest Partner. Of course, we didn’t meet via WordPress. We met on an online forum of personal interest. It took a long time of being friends (6+ years) and a visit this holiday season for me to see this man was worthwhile. He was.

    Now some people don’t find online dating very “traditional”. I can understand there are quite a few horror stories about people meeting others from over the internet as well. That’s why you should be playing your cards smart and meeting in public places and just take your time really trying to get the know the person and above all – trust your instincts if they say, “Danger Will Robinson, DANGER!”.

    Honestly, I have to say I find it a little -strange- to look for love via, essentially, a “Blogging System”. There are plenty of dating sites, paid and free. You could even find someone the way I did, through a mutual interest forum. The important thing though is to let it happen/come to you naturally. Don’t force it. I don’t honestly feel though a Blogging System is your best bet for hooking up and finding a date though, but that’s just me.

    To address your other question Savvy S. I don’t really like letting many people in my private world, unless I feel my experiences can help another or I feel like sharing because something is on my mind that I feel MUST be shared. I trust -very- few people with the sacred “gems” of my life. The few I do let in are very well respected, privileged and honored souls I’d most likely do anything for.

    So unless any of those above conditions are met, I’m not too comfortable airing out my dirty laundry or otherwise online. 😛 🙂

    • Thank you lady Gwendolynn for your considered, and interesting input to this topic I put out there for discussion! I appreciate everything you have had added, and to be honest do agree with you 100%.

      To me, as you have stated, there are ways to find love online, if you want it. WordPress is not necessarily that vehicle. You can of course meet good people, but need to be careful and always maintain self safety at heart (as there are “horror stories”).

      I feel the same about sharing my experiences as you do too. I am reticent to divulge everything, as of course it has to be those as you have stated so well are; “well respected, privileged and honoured souls I’d most likely do anything for”. Our sacred gems have to be secure! No, I wouldn’t air my dirty laundry online to all either!

      Thanks again, appreciate it.
      Bex 🙂

  5. anyone can find love anywhere so why not wordpress. Letting people know into your world isnt bad if they care about your world and mess up there. I do always because lying is nothing but shit.

    • Thanks for your opinion on this Nafees!

      I would say; each to their own on finding love via WordPress. All I would say is; as long as people searching for love don’t try to enforce their desires on unwilling others, or pester others who aren’t interested then fine – anyone can go and look for love on WP. If I was looking for love then that method would not suit me though!!

      I think you do have to truly know someone before you let them into your life Nafees. It would take more than merely a brief internet conversation to suffice! You have to tread carefully with letting just anyone into your private existence.

      There is also a vast difference from concealing your life from the world because it is private, and lying to people harm them. It is up to the individual surely, how much they are willing to divulge to the very public audience that is the internet?????

      Thanks again for your comment Nafees,
      Bex 🙂

  6. oh and i didnt see the comment before mine saying you cant find love on the internet. you are wrong. you can find love anywhere. i found love on a dating website. we are set to marry 2014.

    • Well, I didn’t know that!! Wow!! Of course it isn’t impossible, and is down to individual preference and choice. Anything is OK as long as you are OK with it. It certainly worked for you!!! I think just think caution is required. As you said in your previous response – that little voice of warning!! Yet, sometimes you just know that person is right I suppose – fate maybe???? What do you think Annie???

      Bex 🙂

      • we only ever said hello on line nothing more and thn for some werid reason i just gave him my mobile number after only saying hello. instinct mayb? and on the off chance he txt me asking to meet up while was cleaning my bathroom how cud i say no to a date over cleaning the bathroom haha. and weve nvr left each others side since 🙂 i think ne thing is possible anywhere. sometimes u have to take a leap of faith. life is to be lived. its just a shame that the world we live in now that theres always tht little voice warning you, never a bad thing now a days.
        xx

        • Strange how some connections just flourish, perhaps it was instinct, as often people know by this what or who is right and wrong.

          I see, yes this would have been more appealing than cleaning!!! 🙂

          Yours is a definite good news story for finding love via the web.

          I agree that sometimes you do have to take a leap of faith; otherwise we’d probably do very little if we had to be 100% certain about everything in our lives all the time! Yet, that the possibility of danger is always their in our minds; it is a shame it has to be this way, but as you stated, also good in our societies.

          🙂 xx

  7. ahhh i hate this too. i love meeting new people online both men and women. But just because im talking to a men they assume im after all kinds of wrong things even tho my profile clearly stats im in a very happy realationship! i cannot understand why i cant just talk to a man without him or everyone else thinking i want sex with him. i find men are sometimes easier to get on with than women. sometimes its nice to get a view from there side. But even when you do find a man that will ‘just’ talk a little voice always tells me to be careful becasue of the world we live in today. It would be nice to talk openly to anyone and not have to worry about what they may or maynot be wanting or thinking.

    • Annie, completely agree here!!!!! Great ‘meeting’ people online, but the assumed ‘baggage’ that comes with that sometimes is not for me either. I feel that too; that little voice uttering a warning – beware and watch out – as you can never be too careful.

      Bex 🙂

  8. Finding an online love is not possible for me too, for the same reasons that you mentioned above… I may indulge in casual flirting sometimes but that’s the end of it… You know there’s a difference between our online and offline worlds… You can’t find love on internet… but you can definitely find some good friends here!

    • Hi,
      Thanks for your comment; it is good to receive a males view point on this topic 🙂
      Yes, for me too, at this moment in my life, it is DEFINITELY a big no,no!! Flirting, well of course; I think everyone can be guilty of that from time to time.
      I agree, there is a difference and some people realise that, whilst others don’t. Again, of course, I have made some valued connections here, so that for me is worthwhile.

Leave me your comments please, you know you want to!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s