I have noticed that whenever kids receive presents they are always fascinated by the pretty, and elaborate packaging of the gifts. Colourful and ornate wrapping papers, ribbons and bows hold absolute obsession for them; they have no interest in the box the gifts are in, so preoccupied with the outer appearances they ignore the real gift inside. I got to thinking; are we still those children, only enamoured and preoccupied by the wrappings of people, and not interested in opening the box to discover the true beauty of the person within?
The human race seems to be fascinated with outer beauty and appearances, so much so that we seemingly cannot look beyond. What is beauty? Is it merely powder, paint and Photoshop or is there more to it than that?
After only a quick internet search it wasn’t long before I discovered articles, blogs, posts and so on, pertaining to physical manifestations of beauty. One such article discussed how women who are a size 14 and above are lost causes in the attractiveness scale, while another stated ordinary women are just not attractive sexually; another pondered the deep and meaningful question of why men settle for a second best woman, so on and so on. Others encouraged men to view potential partners on a 1-10 attractiveness scale; 7 being the cut off point for the dating factor! The site said, ‘if a 6 stops eating for a week she becomes a ‘7’, then she is maybe datable’. Therefore, no woman should be dated who ranks below a 7!
The story of ‘Shallow Hal’ seems to iterate this notion of beauty being the ‘b’ all and end all of the things we should seek in others. Shallow Hal is a man who refuses to see beauty in anyone else if they don’t fit into a stereotypical ideal of perfection, regardless of that person’s abilities and personality; until some kind of spell is cast, and then he meets his true love, a 300 pound woman. Surely everyone has seen this movie? Surely everyone knows someone who might be classed as a Shallow Hal? Do we all need that magical spell to prevent us from becoming him?
The message I found was that only outward appearances are considered or even quantified. Everything was focused on subjective opinions of beauty by those writing the articles, posts, blogs and whatever else! Who are these people doing the judging? I wonder what bad deal life has dealt them that they feel they have this axe to grind against people just being themselves, whatever the physical form! Maybe these people have never experienced a grown up and loving relationship, but with an attitude where they measure everyone against a scale of 1-10, I doubt anyone would come up to their expectations.
Who are any of us to really judge beauty/attractiveness when each person sees something different in the next? We are all different shapes, sizes and colours, we all have different facial features and quirks to bring something different into the gene pool, to be a match for someone out there. So then why are we obsessed with being attractive/ beautiful based on the point of view of someone else, or, based on the view of the fashion or beauty industry? We don’t know them and they don’t know us. If we aren’t happy within our own skin then how can anyone else be happy with us?!
What then is any relationship truly about; love or lust? Certainly everyone lusts, but how can anything of consequence sustain on lust? If we can’t value the person for the person, or if we all have to come with ribbons and bows like all children love, then surely the infatuation and fascination will eventually soon wear off; what is the point? In the end, without all the façade there is only us; why then are we so afraid of that truth coming to light?
If it is a case of us all desperately trying to ‘save face’ then what are we trying to prove to ourselves and one another? If a grown man or woman cannot accept a person for being themselves then maybe it is their own being they cannot truly accept, their own issues they have to deal with first; and to be honest they are better left alone until they do decide to sort themselves out. I personally don’t want a relationship with someone who sees beauty as a child would (obsessing on the pretty bows and ribbons), I want someone who sees me for me; even on my bad hair days! Face facts this is the real world not a TV sitcom, no one is perfect regardless of how they may appear to be, sorry to break the illusion, but surely you are old enough to know the truth by now!
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© Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bex Houghagen and The Savvy Senorita with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
I quite agree that it’s difficult for one person to accept any other when they have issues accepting themselves. However, the problem here is that people like this tend to latch on to others in hope of using them to improve their own esteem. But, it’s never enough, in my experiences; you have to sort yourself out first.
As you say, it’s better to wait and allow someone to do that on their own. No-one else can tell them to do it, it must be their choice.
Hi Brandon, thanks for your comment!
Yeah, self esteem tends to colour our view of ourselves and others. I think accepting who we are is one essential requirement of being happy in life. No-one else can make us happy if we aren’t. Dealing with your own stuff 1st is a must too; relationships are tough enough without unresolved baggage.